


Dark Water

by all_their_intricacies



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, and everyone is human except for raphael, ish, raphael is a water monster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 77,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_their_intricacies/pseuds/all_their_intricacies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not the first time he has come to this lake. But it will be the first time he gets <i>into</i> the lake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my primary language so if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes, please let me know.

This is not the first time Simon has come to the lake.

No, the first time was about a few weeks ago. He was so mad at his mother after a fight they’d had at dinner. He was so mad that he couldn’t even sleep. So he got out of bed and climbed down his window.

He wanted to go to Clary’s house, which is just across the street, and sneak into her bedroom like he had done so many times before but he remembered her telling him that she was spending the night at Izzy’s.

So he opted to go for a walk instead.

He ended up going to the forest near his house. He hoped that the nature would help him clear his mind up.

He didn’t pay much attention to where his feet were leading him. He knows this forest enough to be sure that he wouldn’t get lost here. So he was a bit startled when he stopped walking and saw the lake in front of him.

He’d avoided going to this lake ever since his father died. His dad used to take his sister and him here for their swimming lesson.

He smiled sadly at the memory before walking closer to the lake. He wasn’t talking anymore and everything was so quiet now.

It had been 12 years since he last saw it but the lake still looked pretty much the same.

He sat down at the end of the short pier leading out of the lake, and started talking again, about anything that crossed over his mind.

He talked and talked, and when he checked his phone, it was close to 3AM.

He sighed out a long breath and made his way home.

He didn’t realize his anger had subsided until he was in bed and falling asleep with a smile on his face.

***

After that, he keeps coming back to the lake, only at night, when his mother and sister are deep in slumber, and he keeps it a secret.

He knows if he told his family or Clary, they’d probably think that it was “unhealthy” that he kept coming back to where he has one of the last memories with his dad; or worse, they’d want to come with him to make sure he’s okay and he’s afraid that it would ruin the peace he’s found at this place.

So, yeah, this is not the first time he has come to this lake. But it will be the first time he gets _into_ the lake.

He’s standing at the end of the pier, wearing nothing but his swim trunks and his swimming goggles; his shirt and shoes are in his bag, which he’d put on the shore, far enough away from the coming waves of water.

He’s taking deep breaths in and out. All the red lights in his head are going off; his heart is beating a hundred miles an hour in his chest.

He looks down at the water below him. It’s dark and could be hiding some terrifying monsters that are ready to swallow him up the moment he’s in water. His brain’s also flashing images of an article he vaguely remembers reading a few years ago about a boy who drowned in this exact lake.

He shakes those thoughts off his mind, squeezing his eyes shut, and jumped in the water

The water is not so cold against his skin, and he can’t help shouting out and punching his hands in the air for what he just accomplished.

When Simon is done celebrating, he started swimming further into the lake, but not too far away from shore in case there is a monster living under the dark water and he needs to get the hell out there fast.

He swims around for a while, stopping only when he needs to catch his breath; sometimes he floats on his back and stares up the night sky.

He talks too, of course, about anything that’s on his mind, just like he always does when he sits on the shore or the pier.

He only stops swimming when his body is tired out and begging him to go to bed and get whatever sleep he can.

He swims back to where he’d put his bag, rather slowly, knowing that no one will care if he is taking too long to get back home (his mother and sister are deep in sleep right now, as the rest of the town).

He takes off his goggles and throws it in the bag. He pulls the towels he’d brought with him, wrapping one around his shoulders, and using the other to dry off his hair.

He sits down next to his bag and stares out the lake. He can almost feel someone staring him back, but he reminds himself that he is the only one here, and the only things that are staring him back right now are fishes.

He knows he should be afraid of axe murderers that are hiding in the woods and ready to chop people’s heads off when they are in their murder territory. But his town is a quiet, lovely town where everyone knows everyone and the most hideous crime that has ever committed here is when Mr. Joseph stole Mr. Brown’s newspaper (and they had a fight that last for about an hour, until Mrs. Joseph came out and yelled them to go take their medication. They’d called a truce on their fight, but later on, he saw them went out for a drink, and the fight was never continued).

He sits there for a moment, feeling himself lost in the sounds of waves and insects in the distances. He only gathers his things up and stands when his eyes starting to droop and a yawn takes over his lips.

He doesn’t bother putting on his glasses since he knows exactly where he’s going and there isn’t much to see at this hour of the night.

He’s about to turn and leave when a movement in the lake catches his eyes. He stops in his tracks.

Someone is there. Their figure is blurry since he doesn’t have his glasses on, but he can see the dark silhouette of their head and shoulder as they float in one place in the water.

He squints his eyes, but he still can’t see them clearly. So he looks through his bag for his glasses and when he looks up, there is no one there.

He blinks a couple of times before shaking his head, deciding that it was his tired brain imagining things up.

He walks home in silence, letting the sound of nature filling up his senses.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos guys. i honestly didn't think people would like this story.

The next night he comes back to the lake is just two days later.

He had a rough day. He did something stupid (but definitely justified) and got grounded for two weeks at home and a one-week detention at school. He doesn’t regret what he did, but he does regret the way he did it.

It wasn’t his entire fault. He honestly didn’t know throwing an unopened can of coke at someone’s head could cause them to bleed that much. Like, sure, he knew it would make him bleed, but not _that_ much.

He sighs, running a hand up and down his face. He knows that there was a much better way to handle the situation, but that kid was a jerk, and he can’t help but feel like he deserved exactly what Simon gave him (a broken nose and a bruised cheek).

He set his bag down the shore and starts stripping off his shirt and shoes. When he’s done, he walks slowly to the water, feeling every centimeter of his skin tingled by the cool water.

He decides to float on his back instead of swimming around. He takes a few breaths in and out, feeling the cool night air filling up his lungs. He feels calm and contented.

That is, until someone speaks up, “Hey.”

Simon shoots his eyes open and flails his way to an upright position. When he’s calm again, he stares at the direction from which the voice came. There’s a boy in front of him.

He looks young, around Simon’s age, and his skin is pale, as if he’s never gone out to the sun, and he is smirking at Simon. “Wh- who are you?” Simon stutters.

“I’m Raphael,” the boy answers.

“When did you get here? I didn’t hear you come into the water,” Simon says.

“I got here before you did,” the boy- Raphael- says, starting swimming away from Simon. “And since we’re both here now, would you like to swim with me?”

Simon is taken aback by Raphael’s question, and for whatever reasons, he agrees.

***

They swim around together for a while.

And they talk, well, Simon is the only one doing the talking, Raphael just hums his agreement or rolls his eyes at Simon’s non-stop rambling about his new favorite show, but he never actually stops Simon like his friends always do.

Simon stops swimming after a while, and asks the boy a question about himself, but all he gets back was a frown, and Raphael starts swimming away from him, murmuring something in Spanish.

Simon stares at him in confusion. “Hey, Raph, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

Raphael stops in his tracks, turning to look at Simon. “My name is Raphael,” the boy says with an annoying expression. He looks cute, and Simon feels himself blush at his thought.

Simon looks away from the boy, still feeling that blush on his face. “Raph is short for Raphael,” he says, “and that reminds me, I never told you my name. I’m Simon.”

Raphael is swimming back to him now, only stops when he’s an arm reach away from Simon. “Yeah, I know.”

“What?”

Raphael shrugs. “I heard you talking to yourself,” he explains.

Simon is gaping, he knows it’s unattractive, but he doesn’t know any other way to react to what the boy just told him. “What? When?” Simon manages. He doesn’t remember talking to himself at all tonight; he was silent when he reached the lake.

Raphael chuckles. “Not tonight, but this isn’t the first time I’ve caught you here,” the boy explains, “I saw you here many times before, though you always sat on the shore or the pier. You were always talking to yourself, very loudly and intensely. And I guessed you came here to be alone, so I stayed away and kept myself hidden.”

“Oh,” Simon says. “And you don’t think I’m crazy for talking myself?”

Raphael grins. “No, I talk to myself too, though I’m not as into it as you are.”

“Hey, I have a lot of emotions that I need to work off okay?”

Raphael chuckles again and Simon wants reach out and touch the boy’s face, just to see if he feels as soft as he is looking right now.

But instead, he turns around and swims to the shore, mumbling an excuse about needing some water.

He drinks his water slowly, taking all time he can get. Raphael is still swimming in the water; Simon can hear the soft sound of stirring water behind him.

When Simon is done calming down the fast rate his heart was beating, he turns around.

He feels his heart pick up its beat again at the sight in front of him. Raphael is floating in one place, and though his body is facing Simon, his eyes aren’t. Instead, they are glued to the moon above them.

And Raphael looks _beautiful_. He is smiling, and the grey moonlight illuminates his pale skin, making him look like he’s glowing. And _God,_ he looks like an angel.

Simon stands there, silently watching the beautiful boy in front of him.

Everything is quiet, so peaceful, and Simon can stay there forever.

But reality comes rushing when a sudden beeping noise sounds out from his bag. Raphael moves his head to look at him and Simon scrambles to get whatever is beeping.

It’s his watch. He brought it with him because his mother had taken his phone away. He’s set the alarm in the watch at 2AM, which is why it’s beeping so loudly.

He quickly turns off the alarm, and looks up at Raphael. The boy has an eyebrow raise as he stares at him, and he hopes his face doesn’t portrait the emotions he felt just moments ago.

“You have to go already?” Raphael is the one to break their silence.

Simon doesn’t trust his voice right now so he just nods.

A sad expression passes by Raphael’s face but it’s gone as fast as it comes. “But it’s much earlier than the last time you were here,” Raphael says.

Simon swallows hard, trying to gain back his voice. “Ah, I have to test tomorrow so I have to go home early and get some sleep.”

“Oh,” Raphael says, looking down. “Okay, bye, then.”

Simon silently put his shirt and shoes on, doesn’t even bother drying himself off. “Hey, would I be seeing you again?” Simon asks, swinging his bag over his shoulder.

A small smile appears on Raphael’s face and it makes Simon’s heart flutter a little. _God, he’s so screwed._

“Sure, I’m here most nights, so if you want to swim with me again, just come and call my name,” the boy says.

Simon nods happily, he is grinning so wide he can feel his face hurt a bit. He waves the boy goodbye as he walks away. Raphael waves back with that small smile on his face and the butterflies bite at Simon’s inside.

When he’s lying in bed, Simon can’t get the wide grin off his face as he plays the night back in his mind. _Fuck, Simon is really screwed._


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Simon, are you still there?”

Simon is startled out of his daze by the waving hand in front of his face. The hand belongs to Clary and she is looking at him with a raised eyebrow.

He blushes. “Yeah, I’m still here.”

“So, who is it?” Jace asks from beside her.

“Who is what?” Simon asks.

Clary rolls her eyes at him. She shares a look with Izzy, who is sitting on her other side, and says, “Si, c’mon, you kept spacing out of our conversation and you had this goofy look on your face, which only happen when you are crushing on someone. So, just tell us who it is.”

They are all looking at him with expectant looks; even Alec seems interested in knowing. God, he hates all of his friends so much.

Simon sighs, defeated. “Fine,” he starts, “it’s, um, a guy that I met yesterday.”

A chorus of ‘ooh’ rings around the table. He can’t help but roll his eyes at how his friends are so interested in his love life.

“Wait, how did you meet him? Aren’t you grounded?” Jace asks.

“I, uh, I met him online,” he says, nodding to himself, “yeah, that’s how we met. My mom allowed me to use my computer for a few hours and I met him in a chat room.”

He feels bad for lying to his friends, but telling them the truth meaning telling them about the lake, and he still isn’t ready to do that just yet.

Clary is narrowing her eyes at him, which means she can tell that something is not right, but before she can say anything, Jace beats her to it with a wide grin on his face, “Really? What’s his name?”

“Raphael.”

“Hmm, how old is he?” Alec is the one asking this time.

“Uh, he’s the same age as we are,” Simon says. Though he never got to ask Raphael, the boy does look around Simon’s age, so it’s not too far from the truth.

Clary’s eyes narrow further as she reaches over and put her hand on his. “Are you sure this guy is legit, Simon?” she asks, sounding worried.

He sighs quietly, feeling guilty for making her worry about him. “Yeah, he’s legit, I’m sure of it,” he assures her.

“Okay, but be careful, okay? You don’t know what kind of people is on the internet these days.”

He nods, giving her his best smile to let her know that he’ll be okay. She smiles back and their conversation subject changes.

***

Simon walks home after his detention at school. When he passes by the forest, he can’t stop his eyes from linger on it and his brain from thinking about Raphael.

A smile tugs at his lips and he can’t get it off for the rest of the way home.

“Oh, hey, Simon,” his mom greets as he walks up their doorstep. “I have to go meet a client, and I probably wouldn’t be back with enough time to cook dinner so just order pizza or something, I left some money on the counter for that.”

He nods and kisses her on the cheek before going around her.

“And, Simon,” she says, putting a hand on his shoulder, “you’re still grounded, and that means no Clary, remember?” She gives him a stern look.

“Yes, mom, I remember,” he answers his mom. She nods and continues her walk to her car.

He opens the door and runs to his room after waving his mother off.

***

Simon’s sitting at his computer desk, trying to finish the last of his homework, when his sister stops by his room to let him know that mom’s home. She looks like she wants to say something else but all she does is giving him a smile then closes his door and walks away.

He frowns at her unusual behavior but doesn’t think much of it. He swiftly finishes the homework and go lie on his bed, waiting for his mom and sister to fall asleep so he can sneak out of the house.

He doesn’t expect to wake up later finding it is half past 1. He groans, juggling between going back to sleep and going to the lake. His half asleep brain seems to be jolted awake at the thought of seeing Raphael again.

So he gets out of bed and starts getting ready. When he’s done, he climbs down his window with ease practice and jogs to the forest, feeling the cool night air bite playfully on his skin.

***

When he reaches the lake, no one’s there.

He puts his bag down at his usual spot on the shore and strips down to his swim trunks. He takes the swimming goggles from the bag and runs to the water.

He swims further from the shore and calls our Raphael’s name. He waits for an answer or any sign of the boy but nothing comes.

Simon can’t help feeling disappointed, but the boy did say he was only here most nights, and maybe tonight is not one of those nights.

He swims further into the lake, calling Raphael’s name again, hoping that maybe the boy didn’t hear him the first time and that he will this time. There is still no answer. He sighs out his disappointment and swims closer to the shore. Maybe he can swim around a bit then go home. He’s done it before; he didn’t need Raphael to have fun swimming.

But when a familiar voice speaks up behind him, he can’t help the smile from growing on his face. “I didn’t think you would come out tonight.”

Simon quickly turns around and faces Raphael. “Well, I wasn’t going to, but then I thought about how lonely you’d be without me so I forgo the sleep I could be getting and came to your rescue.” Simon’s smile grows wider when Raphael rolls his eyes.

When Raphael starts swimming away and Simon follows him.

They swim around, Simon is still the only one talking but Raphael seems to be more open than he did the night before.

“It’s late, you should go home,” Raphael says when Simon stops his rambling and yawns.

Simon nods and swims back to the shore.

“Shouldn’t you be going home too?” Simon asks as he dries himself off.

“I should,” the boy says, “but I still want to swim around a little longer.”

“Oh, okay. I don’t know how you manage to stay awake this long, I took a nap before this and I still feel tired,” Simon says, putting his shirt and shoes back on.

Raphael chuckles and waves Simon goodbye.

He waves back. “See you tomorrow,” he says, picking up his bag.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” Raphael says as he swims away.

Simon doesn’t miss the small smile on the boy’s face. Simon also doesn’t miss the way his heart flutters at the sight.

On his way home, Simon hums the tune to his favorite song and tries hard not to think too much about a boy he only knows for two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of 'meh' and I'm sorry for that


	4. Chapter 4

Simon comes to the lake again the next night. He took a nap right after he’d finished his homework for the day so he should have a lot of energy to hang with Raphael tonight.

Though he only knows the boy for two days (or you know, nights), he feels drawn to the boy.

He’s had a lot of fun those two nights and all they did was swimming around together. They also talked but that was mostly Simon rambling off on whatever subject that crossed his mind and Raphael listened with an annoyed expression but he never stopped Simon mid rant like his friends always do.

The boy did open up more yesterday but Simon only learned basic things about him, and that is not enough. He wants to know more, he wants to know everything there is to know about the boy. And he plans to ask the boy tonight.

After a long while of swimming, Simon excuses himself to the shore and get some water. Raphael is still swimming enthusiastically in the water.

Simon gets his water bottle from his bag and sits down at the end of the pier, legs dangling off the edge.

He drinks his water slowly, watching Raphael swimming closer to the pier. He wonders if Raphael ever considers becoming a professional swimmer because he’s really good at it.

When Simon has gotten all the water he needs, he starts talking. Raphael listens to him, though not as enthusiastically as he is swimming.

Simon makes a pop reference and Raphael looks at him with utter confusion. Simon has to physically refrain himself from reaching out and pinch the boy’s cheek because he looks so darn adorable right now.

He tries and explains the reference he just made to the boy but he still looks extremely confused and there’s a light blush on his face, and he’s biting his lower lips, like he’s embarrassed that he couldn’t keep up with Simon.

So Simon changes the subject, sparing the boy of the embarrassment he is clearly feeling. If he is also sparing himself from feeling like he’s going to kiss the blush off the boy’s face, then it is no one’s business but his.

He starts asking Raphael about his family, if he has any siblings, and how are his parents.

Something dark flashes over Raphael’s face as the questions escape Simon’s mouth. His blush has disappeared completely, and his eyebrows are frowning up.

He looks like he’s going to burst into tears but he recovers quickly and dives under water without saying anything to Simon.

Simon is surprised by Raphael’s reaction to his questions but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he sits there on the pier and waits for the boy to come back up.

He waits for a while, longer than it should be comfortable for any human to stay under water without any diving equipment.

He feels himself start panicking as he calls out for the boy’s name and gets no answer back. Simon quickly gets to his feet and looks around the lake. There’s nothing but the tall trees surrounding the lake and the dark water surface illuminating by the grey moonlight.

He calls out for Raphael again but the boy still doesn’t come out. Maybe something bad has happened to him, Simon thinks to himself, slowly getting in full panic mode.

He makes to jump down the water to look for Raphael but as he’s about to jump, a voice sounds up, “What are you doing?”

Simon flails a bit, surprised by the sudden noise, before composing himself upright and looks at Raphael. The boy’s floating in one place not so far from wear Simon’s standing. He has an eyebrow raised and is looking at Simon with an amused expression.

“I was going down to look for you, asshole,” he emphasizes the word, just to let Raphael knows how much he hates him, “I called your name many times but you didn’t answer and I couldn’t see you anywhere, and I was worried something might have happened to you.”

Raphael lets out a chuckle. “Don’t be stupid, Simon, I know this lake like the back of my hand, nothing could’ve happened to me.”

“Well, I obviously didn’t know that,” Simon says, “and it’s very dark at night, and who knows what could be living under the dark water.”

Raphael is swimming closer to the pier; his movement is smoot, barely disturbing the water around him. “A lot of dangerous things could be living underwater right now.” He crosses both of his arms on the pier and rests his chin on them. He is giving Simon a very, _very_ good view of his biceps and he can’t stop staring. “I can name one of them.”

“Wh-what is it?” He stutters in his speech, feeling his cheek grow hot as he stares at Raphael.

Raphael is grinning wide when he answers, “Me.”

Before Simon has any time to really register what Raphael just said, he’s yanked into the water by the boy.

He flails a bit before he gets to the surface again.

Raphael is laughing so hard his face is turning a bit red. Simon allows himself a minute of admire the boy’s beautiful laugh. It’s like hearing an angel sing. Simon can feel the butterflies in his stomach come to life and starts a mosh pit as looks at the boy in front of him.

But when that minute pasts and he has composed himself together, he splashes water all over Raphael.

The boy stops mid laugh and looks at him, slightly surprised. But he recovers quickly and returns the favor.

It breaks out into a full water fight after that.

***

They stop when Simon feels his arms starting to hurt a bit.

They swim closer to the pier but only Simon climbs up. He sits on the pier like he did before, with his legs dangling off the edge.

He is breathing pretty heavily but Raphael seems unfazed and he is perching on the pier with his arms again. Simon forces his eyes away before he starts staring at them again.

They don’t say anything for a while and the silence is comfortable. Simon decides to break it with an apology, “Hey, um, I’m sorry if overstepped any boundaries, you know, before. I didn’t mean to make you upset, I just wanted to know more about you.”

He’s looking at his hands in his laps so he doesn’t know how Raphael reacts to that but he feels the boy’s eyes on him. He hears the water stirring and a second later, Raphael puts a hand on his. The boy’s hand looks even paler against his skin and Simon wonders if the boy really never went out to daylight. He bit his lips to stop himself from asking the boy that and looks up.

Raphael is smiling at him with that small smile of his. “It’s alright. I’m sorry I made you worry, I should’ve said something before swimming away,” Raphael says in a soft voice he’s never heard the boy used before.

Simon looks at the boy in front of him, who’s still holding his hand, and he feels like he can stay there forever.

“Why was you so upset when I asked you about your family?” Simon asks quietly, afraid his question will scare the boy off again.

Raphael retracts his hand and moves to perch on the pier besides him. He isn’t looking at Simon anymore but to somewhere far of. “I don’t like talking about my family,” the boy says, sadness taking over his voice, “they’re… I… I haven’t seen them for a very long time.”

For a moment, Simon thinks the boy is going to cry, but his eyes just hardened as he stares off into the distance.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Simon says wants to ask him why he hasn’t seen his family but he fears it will upset the boy again and he already looks so sad right now, Simon doesn’t want to add more to it.

Raphael doesn’t say anything and silence falls over them once again. And they just stay there like that, Simon looking on way and Raphael looking the other way, letting the sound of nature fill up their silence.

“We should go home, it’s pretty late,” Simon says after a while.

Raphael looks down and sighs. “You should, I’ll swim a bit more.”

“Okay,” Simon says. He wants to stay and swim with the boy but Raphael looks like he needs some privacy.

Raphael doesn’t say anything as Simon puts his shirt back on his mostly dried body and gathers up his bag.

“Bye, Raph,” Simon says before starting to walk off.

He can’t stop the smile from appearing on his face when Raphael answers, “bye, Si.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I took to long too update, but my previous writing plan was ruined and now I have to re-write everything and let me tell ya, it ain't easy.  
> But here is the new chapter, I hope you enjoy it, all the kudos and comments are appreciated :3  
> and the next chapters will be updated less frequently than the first 4 chapters because, like I said, I have to re-write everything, I hope you all will be patient with me :]

The knock on his door makes him look up from the book he’s reading for his English assignment.

“Hey, Mom just called, she said she couldn’t come home tonight, she’s staying at the office to finalize the contract she’s been working on,” his sister says, leaning against the doorframe.

“Okay, is that all?” he says when she doesn’t say anything else, just standing there and looking at him with an amused expression on her face.

“I won’t be home tonight too, I’m sleeping over at my friend’s house, so it’ll just be you at home tonight,” she says, folding her arms across her chest.

“Cool.”

“Simon, Mom’s pretty serious about your punishment, so just… don’t do anything that would make her mad, okay?”

“Yeah, I know. I won’t break any of the rules Mom has made,” he says, putting the book he was reading down his laps.

His sister nods her head slowly then walks away.

When he’s done with homework, he puts them all on his desk and walks to his closet.

All this time, the only thing making him having to go see Raphael so late at night is his family. He always has to wait for them to go to sleep so he can sneak out without them knowing.

But now, his mother and sister are gone, leaving just him alone at the house, meaning he doesn’t have to sneak out to see Raphael tonight, he can just walk straight out the front door, and he can go see the boy early.

He doesn’t know exactly what time Raphael comes to the lake, when Simon asked the boy, he always said it was around the time Simon came, just a bit earlier.

And Simon hates that Raphael is always earlier than him because he always take that advantage to come out of nowhere and scares the shit out of Simon.

Simon is sick of it, and today is the perfect opportunity for him to take his revenge.

A quick glance at the clock tells him that it is half past 8, nowhere near the time he usually comes to the lake, which means Raphael won’t be at the lake now. He can come to the lake at this time, maybe swim around a bit while he waits for Raphael and when the boy comes, he will come out and scare all the living hell out of him.

He grins to himself as he put the things he needs in his bag.

All that are in his head is thoughts of how the boy will react when Simon jumps out and scares him as he’s running out of the house and towards the forest.

Which is why he doesn’t notice Clary watching him go through her window.

***

Simon slows down his pace when he reaches the forest. He takes deep breaths in and out, taking in the scent of nature surrounding him.

As he walks, he thinks about all the times he’s spent with Raphael.

He’s come to the lake every night this week, after his mother and sister were asleep.

Raphael has opened up a bit over the course of times they’ve spent together. He started talking more rather than just listening to Simon all the times. He also answered questions about himself but if it got too personal, he’d pretend he didn’t hear it and Simon would talk the hint and change the subject.

And he’s quietly thankful for being grounded. It provides him an excuse not to hang out with his friends, and instead he can spend that time finishing his homework for the day and napping so that he’ll have a lot of energy to hang out with Raphael later.

He chooses not to think about how he’s been neglecting his friends all week and think of the boy he’s going to meet instead.

A smile tugs at his lips at the first thought of the boy takes over his mind and he walks in silence to the lake.

When he reaches the lake, he stops in place when he’s met with an unexpected sight.

Raphael is there. And he’s out of the water.

The boy is sitting at the end of the short pier, with his back facing Simon.

Simon can hear the sound of water splashing, so he assumes Raphael has his legs dangled of the edge and is swinging them to disturb the still water. Simon probably would think that it was the cutest thing ever if he wasn’t having his breath taken away by the stunning sight in front of his eyes.

He’s always known the boy swims without his shirt on, and sometimes he’d catch a sight of his chest or back but it was never long enough to register anything. But now, _now,_ he has a perfect view of Raphael’s naked back and he’s trying to memorize each and every muscle he can see.

The sight takes him back to the first night he’s met Raphael, when he was standing on the shore and Raphael floating in one place in the water. And the grey moonlight made him look like he was an angel.

Simon has to try, like _really_ try, to move his eyes away from the boy’s back and up to his head. Raphael is looking up to the full moon above, his hair isn’t dripping water so he must have been sitting there for a while, and he seems to be captivated by the beautiful moon lighting up the night sky.

He wants to call out for the boy, to let the boy know that he’s here but Raphael’s looking so entranced by everything and Simon doesn’t want to ruin the moment for him.

But his attempt is vain because he’s been holding his breath this whole time. He feels light headed and starts gasping for air, and it is very, _very_ loud.

It is loud enough to make Raphael’s back tense up. It is loud enough that when Simon finally catches his breath and everything is silent again; it feels like that silence is swallowing both of them up.

Simon doesn’t dare to say anything and Raphael is sitting so very still, and with his pale skin under the grey moonlight, you can easily mistake him for a statue.

Then, Raphael turns his head around, very slowly, like he fears of what he will see.

Simon doesn’t move at all, the muscles in his body have frozen up and he can only wait for Raphael to see him. Raphael’s reaction is not what he expected, though he doesn’t know what _exactly_ did he expect to happen.

Raphael widens his eyes as he stares at Simon, and there is a mix of surprise and fear inside those brown eyes.

Simon feels his mouth opening and closing, he wants to say something but can’t quite find the word. So he settles for the word he knows by heart, Raphael’s name.

“Raph-“ he doesn’t get to say all of it, just as the first syllable escapes his lips, the boy has jumped under the water.

Simon quickly runs to the pier and sets down his bag. He calls for Raphael again, his full name this time, but there is no answer.

He removes his clothing as fast as he can, replaces his glasses with his goggles, and jumps down the water.

It is pitch black underwater. He can’t see anything. He lets out a curse, and dives up to the surface to get his flashlight, quietly thanking his forgetful self for not taking it out after his school camping trip three months ago.

He takes a big breath in and dives down again. Even with the flashlight, it is still very dark. He can only make out shapes of rocks and corals, but no sign of Raphael.

He dives deeper, but he’s never been a good diver so he quickly runs out of breath and has to swim back up. After a few times of coming up, gasping for all the air he can get, his lungs start to hurt real bad, so he decides he can sit on the pier and wait for Raphael to come back.

He settles himself at the end of the pier, with his bag beside him and a towel wrapped around his shoulder.

He calls out for Raphael a few more times, looking around for a sign of the boy, but there is no answer, nothing.

Then he starts doing what he does best, he starts talking. He begins with and apology, he isn’t sure what it’s for, but he feels like he’s done something wrong.

“Raphael, I’m sorry.” He waited for and answer but the only sounds he receives back are the waves of water hitting the shore and the distant insects. “Raphael? Please come out. Did I do something wrong? Please, Raphael, I’m sorry.”

Still nothing. He sighs and runs a hand through his wet hair. He has taken off his goggles and put his glasses back on, they are a bit blurry with droplets of water on the glass but he can’t make himself care enough to wipe them away.

He has wanted to scare the boy, he has imagined how the boy would react, but he doesn’t want it to be like this.

He takes a deep breath in and starts talking again, just rambling about anything that crosses his mind, only stopping for water and waiting for an answer. He keeps having pauses in the middle of his rambling, in hope that Raphael will pop out and tell him how annoying he’s being. But there is nothing, and the longer Simon talks, the more empty he feels on the inside.

After he finishes his bottle of water, he checks the time. It is close to 11 o’clock. That means he’s been sitting here talking for at least 2 hours and there still isn’t even the smallest sign of Raphael coming back.

Simon sighs out a heavy breath as he realizes that the boy might have gone home. He might have gone home right after he saw him and Simon has been talking to no one at all.

He starts gathering his things up, deciding he should be going home too.

He starts walking away, not being to stop himself from glancing back at the lake with every step he takes. He also can’t help how hollow his heart feels when all he sees is water.

He keeps walking, until there is sound of rustling water behind him.

He would be embarrassed of how fast he turns around, but he couldn’t care less about it, he just wants to see the other boy.

But the sight that greets him is once again the dark water and the tall trees far away. The water surface is disturbed a little but there is no Raphael.

“Raphael?” he decides to call out again. His heart clenches when no one answers back.

He drops his head and takes a quick breath. “Bye, Raphael,” he says to no one as he walks away, using all the energy he has left in his body to stop himself from looking back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I'm soooooo sorry this update took too long, I know it's been almost a month since the last one and to be perfectly honest with you guys, I considered dropping this because I have zero inspiration and/or motivation to continue writing this, but I've promised myself that I would see this through to the end and that is exactly what I'm gonna do now.  
> So here's the new chapter that I somehow managed to squeeze out of my brain in the last week, I hope you enjoy it, the next chapter will be update soon, I promise, I am editing it right now.

Simon takes the longest way home, stopping at every turn to look around the street, contemplating if he should go back to his empty house and wallow alone in the dark or go somewhere else.

The first option seems pretty horrible to him but he can’t pick the second one because he isn’t sure he has anywhere else to go. It’s pretty late and he is not sure if he could go to Clare now. It’s not just because he’s grounded and has to follow his mom’s rules (they never really matter much to him), but also because he knows there are still so many things he hasn’t told her, or hasn’t had the courage to tell her yet. Going to her tonight, while he feels so fucking fragile, might not be a good idea.

He stands at the last turn to his house, taking in a few deep breaths in and out, and looking up and down the street. It is empty, aside from the cars parked here and there. The lights in the houses have been turned off as the whole town has probably all gone to bed.

Simon looks up to the full moon above and hastily looks back down as his mind starts to drift to a certain boy with coffee eyes and dark brown hair and beautiful, beautiful smile.

Simon puts his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and takes the turn, forcing his mind to go blank.

When he reaches his house, he takes a look over to Clary’s house across the street. The lights in her room are off, and her car isn’t in the driveway. He wonders if she’s gotten over to Izzy’s house for a sleepover. Then he wonders when did she leave and if she was there to see him running out of his house earlier.

Simon silently hopes that she did. Maybe then she would pressure him into telling her where he went and that would be the push he deeply needs to tell her everything.

Simon sighs heavily and turns to walk into his house.

He opens the door and shuffles through it, swiftly locking the door behind him, and makes his way upstairs. Surrounding him is a dreary darkness and a deafening silence that makes him want to rip his hair out.

He slams the door shut when he gets into his room, just so the sound can drown out the silence and makes the constant hum in his head stop.

He drops his bag at the foot of his bed and flops onto the mattress. He doesn’t have enough energy to change into his pjs and since the clothes he’s wearing aren’t wet anymore, he sees no reason to do so.

He lies there for a moment, face pressed into the pillow and head blanked as the tree branches outside his window tapping lightly on the glass every time the wind blows by.  Then he shifts his body to a more comfortable position and he regrets his action immediately because the room seems to shift with him and the air changes into something still and quiet and so fucking loud and he wants it to stop.

He squeezes his eyes shut and presses the heels of his hands to them hard enough to see stars behind his eyelids. It helps, only a little, but it does.

When he finally calms down from his little high, the quiet doesn’t seem so loud anymore.

Then he starts thinking about what happened earlier. He plays it in his head and pauses here and there to make sure he has  _ everything  _ right. He plays it again and again and again but he still can’t figure out what he did wrong.

The plan was to go to the lake early to lie in wait for Raphael to come and jump out to scare the boy. And though not everything has gone exactly like he planned, he still did manage to scare the boy. But not in the way that he wanted.

Raphael looked scared. No, he looked terrified. That was not the look you have when your friend jumps out of the bushes and scares you. Granted, there was no bushes involved, but the point still stands. Raphael looked at Simon like he was a predator and Raphael was a prey, like Simon was going to leap forward and tear off his neck if he made any wrong move.

What did he do to deserve such a look? What spooked the boy off so bad?

Simon lifts his head to look down at his body. He is still the same. In his swim trunks and red hoodie over a t-shirt. The same kind of things he wore every time he came to he the lake. So what was the thing that made Raphael give him that terrified look?

He wishes he could ask the boy, but he pushes that thought off as it reminds him of how he sat on the pier for almost 2 hours talking his breath off to no one at all.

He heaves another long sigh off his chest and rubs his hand up and down his face. Somehow, he feels unbelieveably tired and impossibly awake at the same time.

A quick glance at the clock tells him that it’s a quarter to 12. He squeezes his eyes shut and turns his back to the clock. It takes him a while to fall asleep because his mind refuses to let the issue go but he does, eventually.

He’s woken up a little past 2, as the clock tells him, by the constant tapping against the glass of the branches outside the window. He groans and lies back on his back and stares up at the dark ceiling, letting his head run wildly on that mad loop again.

When the clock shows that it is 3 in the morning, Simon still hasn’t figured out anything more, and sleep seems to have left him completely. He sighs and gets out of bed.

He walks toward the window, taking his desk chair with him, and sits down besides the window sill. The wind seems to have risen up and is smashing the tree branches vigorously against the window. He sits there and watches and listens and lets the night take over his thought.

He leans forward a bit, looking up to the night sky with dots of bright stars here and there and the full moon illuminating the street. Simon lets himself wonder what had captured Raphael’s entire attention before Simon came and ruined the moment for him and probably their friendship along with it.

Sure, the moon is beautiful, he can write many songs about it, but he doesn’t feel it taking all of his attention like it did with Raphael. Simon thinks for a moment. As he sees it, it was like the boy was completely entranced by the moon, like the moon was telling him story and the boy couldn’t wait to hear all of it. It’s impossible but somehow it feels like the most appropriate explanation.

A small smile tugs at his lips at the thought and he lets it take over his face because for the first time since what happened, he doesn’t feel like his heart is being sucked into a black hole as he thinks of the boy.

Simon sits there for a little longer, looking out the window and watching the gloomy view outside.

Then he feels his eyelids drooping, so he stands and shuts the curtains, then returns to bed. He’s asleep the moment his body hits the mattress and he doesn’t dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on [my tumblr](http://mattmurrock.tumblr.com/ask) if you want, tho I don't use it much anymore, I still receive a notification if someone message me so feel free to do so anytime. I also have an [URL giveaway](http://mattmurrock.tumblr.com/post/146547533978/url-giveaway) going on on my tumblr right now, so check it out if you're interested.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is you guys, now I'm off to write a new chapter *sigh* wish me luck!!
> 
> ((Yay, 100+ kudos, my goal have been completed :3))

Simon is woken up by someone violently throwing the curtains of the window across his bed open, allowing the sunlight to bleed through the glass and shine bright on his face.

He groans and tries to scoot away from the blinding light, hoping to catch more sleep but his attempt is in vain because someone, presumably the same person that opened that curtains and let hell to take over his room, is shaking his shoulders and yelling, “Wake the fuck up, Simon. It’s almost noon, and I need to talk to you.”

That someone sounds an awful lot like his sister. He mutters out a ‘leave me alone’ and swats her hands away but there’s no energy in his actions so he probably just looks like he’s flailing around.

His sister screams his name again and he decides to just give in to this hell and opens his eyes. Becca is looking down at him with an unimpressed expression. “What do you want, ‘Becca?” he grunts grudgingly.

“We gotta talk,” she says, crossing her arms across her chest.

Simon groans yet again and drags his body to a sitting position. He yawns a few times and rubs his eyes viciously with his hands before he’s more than just 1.5 percent into the world. He feels Becca nudging something to his shoulder and turns to see she’s offering him his phone. He takes it with a questioning look.

“Mom told me to give it to you. Apparently, you’re no longer grounded because she’s impressed with how good you’ve been acting the past week, not once complaining about the lack of Clary in this house, and,” she pauses, eyeing him suspiciously, “you didn’t break her rules and sneak into Clary’s house last night when you totally could.”

Simon doesn’t think about how unconvinced she sounded, he’s just glad he has his phone and, he glances over his desk, his laptop back. “Wait, how did mom know I didn’t, um, sneak into Clary’s house last night?” he says, frowning up at his sister.

“She’s got Clary’s mom to spy on you for her, dumbass. And you know how Mrs. Fray is, she’s like psychic or something, she’d know if you climbed into her daughter’s bedroom even if you were being quiet about it.”

Simon snorts. It’s true, sometime he’s afraid to go over there because Clary’s mom always has that knowing look on her face, like she knows exactly what stupid shit they are up to and, to be frank, it freaks him the fuck out. “Where’s mom?” he asks, throwing his phone on the bed next to him.

“She came back from work a few hours ago, took a shower and got some stuff before leaving for work again,” Becca says as she takes his desk chair by the window where he left it last night, and sits down next to his bed. “So…”

Becca doesn’t finish whatever it is she’s trying to say, which makes him look at her with confusion. She just stares at him with that knowing look on her face. “So…?” he drags off.

“So,” she starts again, “where did you go last night?”

“W- what are yo-” Simon stutters out but is quickly cut off by his sister snorting.

“C’mom, Simon. Mom’s spy didn’t see anything but mine did,” she says, sitting back on the chair. “Clary saw you running out of the house last night and called me. I told her not to tell anyone and let me talk to you. So, just cut to the chase and tell me where’d you go last night. Or, more specifically, where did you go instead of your best friend’s house? And if you say it’s because of mom’s rules, I’m gonna smack you across the head because we both know they don’t mean shit.”

He tries to come up with an acceptable response but all he manages to say is, “I, um…”

She doesn’t say anything right away, he knows she’s waiting for him to work it all out in his head, but after a minute or two of silence, she gives him a tired sigh and puts her hand on his knee. “Does it have anything to do with you sneaking out of the house at night?” She chuckled at his surprised face. “C’mon, kid,  your room is next to mine and you aren’t the only one who’s up to no good business at the late hour of the night.”

Simon lets out a nervous laugh, and moves his eyes to his fidgeting hands on his laps. Before he figures out what to say to her, she continues, “The first time I heard you climbing down the window, I was going to bust you when you came back. But when you did, you were humming your favorite song and you didn’t sound angry as when you left anymore, so I figured, you know, if it was good for you, why should I stop it?” she pauses, taking a deep breath. “I probably didn’t catch you  _ every single time  _ you snuck out, but I still heard you climbing down the window some nights. But lately, you started going out more, probably every night this week, and you came back much more later and happier than ever. And I was totally okay with you being happy.”

He doesn’t look up as she finishes, and she gives his knee a squeeze. So all this times, she knew. She knew and she didn’t say anything because it was making him happy and she was glad for him. He smiles at that thought and feels so fucking blessed to have Becca as his sister. 

He still doesn’t know what to say to her, though, there are too many things to say but none seems to be the right thing. Becca takes her hand off his knee and sighs again. “Clary was worried about you, you know.”

Simon frowns, still looking down at his laps, “She was?”

His sister huffed. “Yeah, she was, dumbass. The reason she called me is because she was worried. She told me that you’ve met some guy online and seemed to have really taken to him. She was going to stay at home, instead of going to Izzy for their sleepover, and wait for you to come back. But she waited until almost 11 and you still weren’t back, so she called me again and I had to talk to her for a while until she gave in and went to Izzy’s. That’s when she saw you coming home.”

Simon is surprised by this, and it makes him look up to Becca with wide eyes. She isn’t look at him, but at the carpet, foot rubbing against the material. He stays silent, and she continues, “Clary was driving to Izzy’s house and she saw you walking back to our house. She said that you seemed lost and like you were dragging an enormous rock behind you. She wanted to stop and run to you but Izzy called to ask if she was coming and when she was done answering the phone, you were out of her sight. Then she called me and I told her to just go to Izzy and let me deal with you in the morning.”

When Becca is finished, her eyes shift from the floor and up to his face. She’s having that concern in her eyes that she used to give him when he locked himself in his rooms for days after his dad had died. She’s worried about him and he wants to tell her. He  _ is  _ going to tell her but her phone rings just right at that moment and she has to pick it up. 

She moves to the corner of the room to answer the call, turning her back to him. He stares at her back and thinks about all the things he’s going to tell, all the things he  _ has to _ tell her. He pulls his knees to his chest and buries his face in them, taking deep breaths in and out.

Simon doesn’t look up until he feels a hand on his shoulder, nudging him lightly. Becca is looking at him with a small, comforted smile. “I have to go do something,” she says in her softest voice. “But we’ll talk about this later, okay?”

He gives her his best smile and nods. She squeezes his shoulder and walks out of his room. He thought she was gone but she comes back in a second later, poking her head in his room. “I mean it, Simon, we will talk about this, okay? I am not letting it go until we do,” she says with a stern look. He nods again. She looks at him for a moment, observing him until she finally finds whatever she’s looking for and she nods lightly, then leaves.

He lies back down his bed, taking a deep breath in as he goes. He lies there until he faintly hears the sound of Becca’s car driving off, then he closes his eyes and lets sleep take over his body. This time, he dreams of a certain coffee eyes boy under the pale moonlight.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I somehow pulled this 4k piece out of my ass in just three days. I can't even tell if it's good or not, I'm too busy being impressed with myself for finishing this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it :D

The house is once again empty when Simon wakes up again. The only sound he can hear echoing through his room is his own soft breath.

He lies in bed for a while, just looking up to the blank ceiling and thinks back to the small talk he just had with his sister just hours before. A small smile creeps on his face and his heart feels with warmth because he is such a lucky guy to have a sister as great as Becca.

He finally gets out of bed when the clock is ticking half past two, going to the bathroom for a deeply needed shower.

After he’s done, he picks up his phone from the bed and turns it on. There are over a hundred messages from the chat group his friends have created, but he doesn’t check them, instead he mutes it and goes to text his sister. _did you tell clary that i got my phone back?_

Becca doesn’t answer right away, only when he’s looking through the fridge for food does his phone beeps, indicating a new text message. _no why?_

 _can you hold that off for a while? i don’t think i’m ready to face her yet,_ he texts her back, and goes to make himself a sandwhich after finding nothing pre-made from the fridge.

The next message comes faster than the first, _k._ Then it’s silent again so he guesses that conversation is over.

He turns on the TV in the living room, not because he wants to watch something, but because he’s desperate to fill up the silence in his house.

Simon wakes up again when the clock is ticking a little over two.

He sits up on his bed and rubs his eyes absently, trying to listen for any movement in his house besides his own soft breathing. There is none, and he drags himself out of bed and into the bathroom.

After he finishes eating, he decides to go out instead of staying inside his empty house for the rest of the day, and probably ends up in that hollow loop again. He guesses he could go to the mall or something, honestly, anywhere is better than his house right now.

***

The bus ride to the mall is short, he could’ve walked there himself but he wasn’t feeling up for it. As soon as he gets off the bus, he’s hit by the waves of people coming in and out of the mall and chatting cheerfully in their steps.

He swiftly weaves the lines of people and gets inside the mall. He makes a bee-line for The Downworlders, the best coffee shop in town. He needs coffee, and his friends tend to avoid this place, mostly because the owner wouldn’t stop flirting with Alec whenever they were there, so he guesses he wouldn’t bump into any of his friends there.

He comes to this coffee shop very often so he doesn’t have to say his order, the moment he reaches the counter, the barista, Stan, smiles at him, telling him the amount of money for his coffee, and nods for him to take a seat while waiting for his coffee.

Simon pays, smiling back as the always cheerful barista, and takes a seat at the table in the far corner of the shop, limiting all chance of anyone that might know him walking by the shop and spotting him, it also gives him a good view of the whole shop. He casts his eyes around the room, stopping when he sees a familiar face.

Right there, about five tables away from his, is a guy with dark curly hair, and a face that looks so much like Raphael’s. Simon almost screams out to call for him, but he holds himself back and tries to get a good look at the guy, just in case his eyes are just messing around with him.

He squints his eyes to look, but the guys shifts in his seat to a position that makes it even harder for Simon to get a good look at his face. He leans his body over the table to get as close to the guy as he can from where he is sitting, and then his phone rings, making him jump, and he fumbles to get it out of his pocket.

There’s a new text from his sister. _cant talk 2nite, helping a friend out. but we’ll talk later okay?_

Simon hastily sends back a ‘yes’ before looking back up, only to have his view of the guy blocked by someone. Simon looks up and sees Magnus looking at him with an amused look.

Magnus puts a coffee cup down Simon’s table not so lightly and takes the seat across from him. “Steven, long time no see, where have you been? I don’t think I’ve seen you come in here all week.” Simon rolls his eyes at the name, after all the times he’s come to the coffee shop and Magnus still refuses to call him by his right name. At first, Simon it maybe was just the thing that barista like to do where they write the custom’s name wrong on their coffee cup just for laughs and giggles but Magnus is not even a barista, he’s the owner of the shop and Simon suspects he keeps doing it now just to mess with Simon. He doesn’t even bother to correct the owner now.

“I’ve been busy. You know, with school and all,” Simon says nonchalantly and takes the coffee cup from Magnus’ grasp and takes a sip. Ah, Stan, always knows how to make a good cup of coffee.

“Sure. Okay, enough about you,” Magnus says, swirling his fingers around a little, then leans forward, face suddenly becomes more interesting in talking to Simon, and yeah, Simon just knows what’s going to come out of his mouth next. “So, when will Alexander come back to the shop?”

Simon rolls his eyes again. One of these days, he’s going to strain something behind his eyes if he keeps having to listen to Magnus gushing about Alec. “After what happened last time? I don’t think he ever will,” Simon says around his coffee.

“But that was so long ago, I was a young, foolish child back then, but I’ve grown up and realized my mistakes. I even apologized.” The owner holds up one perfectly manicured finger-- he’s had it painted black today, with tiny sparkle here and there-- to emphasize his point.

Simon snorts. “It happened three weeks ago, and you sent him a text with the word ‘sorry’ misspelled. And from what I can see now, you’ve not grown up much.”

Magnus rolls his eyes, sitting back his chair and blowing a stray bang out of his eye. “Whatever. Just tell Alexander I’m sorry again and I promise to behave appropriately the next time he comes here.”

“I can do that for you, but I won’t promise that it will work,” Simon says, setting his coffee down. “Also, you can start behaving appropriately by calling him by his name. That can also apply to other people who you still refuse to call by their right name.”

”But… Alexander fits him better. And basically, Alec is just short for it, right, _Sam_?”

“Oh, c’mon, Magnus. You’re not even trying with that one,” Simon groans. “And how would I know?”

“You’re his friend, you should know,” Magnus says in a tone that tells Simon that the man is judging him not so silently.

“Whatever,” Simon says, a bit more harshly than he intended, and picks up his coffee again. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me. I’m actually here to tell you to stop being a giant creep,” Magnus emphasizes his word by slapping a hand against the table.

“What?” Simon says, narrowing his eyes.

“Some guy told one of my employees that you kept staring at him and it was freaking him out, and since you are a close friend, I’m just going to tell you to cut it out, instead of throwing your creepy ass out of the shop,” Magnus says, raising a judgemental eyebrow at Simon.

“What? I wasn’t -- I mean, I was but --” Simon sputters out, feeling his face heating up.

“Oh my God, who _is_ this guys? Are you into him or something?” Magnus says, sounding more interesting in this conversation even though it doesn’t involve Alec.

“What, no!” Simon answers quickly. “It’s just that, I thought I knew him from somewhere and was trying to get a good look at him, you know, to see if I actually knew him or not.”

“So did you?” Magnus has his arms crossed on the table.

“What?”

“Know him.”

“Uh,” Simon thinks for a second. “I’m still not sure.”

Magnus uncrosses one of his arms and perks it on the table instead, so he can put his chin on it. “Hmm, can you point him out for me? Maybe I can help you, because I know everyone in this town and all,” he says, looking at Simon with so much interest in his eyes. Simon knows that if there is something Magnus likes better than Alec, it is match making. Simon rolls his eyes at the thought, he did tell Magnus it wasn’t like that but it seems the man is head set on it now.

“Fine, he’s over...” Simon trails off as he looks over Magnus’ shoulder to look for the other guy, but his table is empty now. Simon takes a look around the shop but still doesn’t see him. “Oh, he’s gone.”

“Mhm,” Magnus says, glancing over his shoulder to where Simon was looking then turns back to Simon, watching him through his eyelashes before sitting back in his chair, tapping the table lightly as he goes. “Oh well, I should get back to work, there’s some stuff in the storage that need sorting out. Have a good afternoon, _Simon_ . And tell _Alec_ I say hi.”

Magnus says the names like the words pain him to the core. Simon grins at him, sipping his coffee as he watches the man disappears into the back of the shop.

Simon left the shop after finishing his coffee, waving Stan goodbye and receiving a big smile and wave back, and decides to go to the comic book shop next.

He is browsing through the new comics that have just come in a few days ago when he feels it, someone staring at him. It’s really unnerving, he can feel the person’s eyes literally on him and it makes him shuffles around in place.

He finally looks up when it becomes weird and unbearable, only to see the guy he was staring at at the coffee shop, standing across from him, staring at him very intensely.

“Um…” Simon sputters out, not knowing exactly what to say in this situation.

“It doesn’t feel good, right?” the guy says in a bored tone, putting his elbow on the comic shelf and rests his chin on his hand.

“Wha--”

“To have someone stare at you for no reason at all.”

“Oh, I wasn’t--” Simon stutters, feeling his cheek heating up from embarrassment. “I mean, yes, I was staring at you, but I had a reason.” The guy raises an eyebrow at him, making Simon shifts his eyes anywhere but the guy’s face. “I thought you were someone I knew.”

“I have never met you before in my entire life,” the guy says, leaning back from the shelf.

Now that they’re face to face, Simon takes a good look at the guy’s face. Simon is almost taken aback by how much he looks like Raphael. This guy looks older than the boy, more mature, and there are features on his face that is much different from Raphael if you know what to look. And Simon does, which is why he can really say that this is not Raphael. “Yeah, I guess I was mistaken,” Simon says, looking down at the comics in front of him.

He doesn’t want to think about Raphael right now, it’s the main reason why he didn’t want to stay at home, so he busies himself with looking through the comics. He mostly does it on autopilot, he doesn’t even registered that he picked one out until the guy snorts.

“I wouldn’t buy that if I was you,” the guy says, and Simon looks up to see he is also browsing through the comics piles in front of them.

Simon looks down at what he just picks out and grimaces when he realizes it is one of his personal dislikes. He quickly puts it back down like it would burn his fingers off if he held onto it for too long. He looks up at the guy, he’s stopped browsing through the comic and is looking at Simon with much less hatred than he did before, which is good. “You hate that one too?” Simon asks hopefully.

“Of course I do, it’s terrible,” the guy snorts.

“Oh, thank God there is actually someone who also think this comic is crap. Most of the people in my comic book forum seem to love it to death. Personally, I think it is a giant piece of bullcrap.”

The guy laughs and all the tension from their previous moment has all gone away. “Right? Like so many people like it but I honestly cannot see why. It is so _bad._ ”

Then they starts rambles on about their hatred for that one comic book. They finally get kicked out of the shop by the owner, who apparently is a big fan of the comic in question. They are laughing as they staggers out of the shop, stopping only to throw their insults back to the shop owner.

“Welp, I’ll have to look for a new place to buy comics now because I think we just got banned for life here,” the older boy says as he sits down the bench besides the fountain across the comic shop.

Simon takes a seat beside him, still laughing a bit about what just happened. “Yeah, well, I wouldn’t want to buy comics from someone who is a big fan of _that comic_.” The guy looks at him with a raised eyebrow and a big grin on his face. “What? I’m not going to call it by its name. Mostly because I’m afraid it will summon a flock of devil fanboys who will start lecturing me why that comic is so good in the most obnoxious voice ever,” he adds, then shudders as he continues, “if that ever happens again, I think I’ll die.”

“Again?” the guy says with a laugh.

“You do not want to know about that. It was a very dark moment of my life.” Simon grimaces as the moment comes to his head like a war flashback.

The older boy laughs some more before he stops when he seems to realize something. “ Hey, I don’t think we introduced. I’m Zachary, but you can just call me Zach,” he says, offering a hand out to Simon.

Simon takes it with a bright smile. “I’m Simon, you can just call me Simon,” he says, and earns an eye roll from the other.

They sits there in silence for a bit, then Zach’s phone rings and he pulls it out, quickly turning it off after he looks at the screen and shoves it back into his pockets. Simon manages to read the phone before he did so, it was his mom calling him, but he opts not to say anything about it.

“Man, who knew a terrible thing such as _that comic_ ,” Zach inclines his head at Simon when he says the name, and Simon grins at him, “can bring people together like this. You know, before this, I thought that if I saw you looking my way again, I’d call the cops on you.”

Simon can’t help the laugh that escapes him. “Man, was I really that much of a creep?”

“Yeah, you kinda was,” Zach says after thinking about it for a second.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that… you look a lot like someone I know,” Simon says, once again have to restrain his mind from drifting to a certain boy.

Zach looks down his feet, when he speaks again, his voice doesn’t have a laughing tone in it anymore, “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“How so?” Simon says, turning his body toward Zach, making the older boy to glance up at him for a moment before looking back down. “You don’t have a very common face. And I didn’t mistake you just for anyone, I thought you look a lot like one of my friends.”

Zach looks up at him again, a little longer this time, and frowns, muttering something that sounds like ‘...but you’re so young.’ Simon doesn’t say anything as he waits for Zach’s response, but the older boy just stares at him, like he’s trying to look for something on Simon’s face.

Zach whispers ‘maybe not’ to himself, but Simon can hear it clearly. “Hmm,” Zach says, before turning back to his feet again, crossing his arms on his chest.

“What is it?” Simon asks.

“Nothing,” Zach shrugs. “It’s just, I thought someone like you would know about it.”

“Someone like me?”

“Yeah,” Zach says, his voice sounds small and sad. “I mean, I know we just met, but you seem like someone who is very curious and would randomly look up weird stuff on the internet just to see what it’s like.”

“Well, that does sound like me,” Simon says, then frowns. “Wait, are _you_ in one of those weird stuff on the internet? Did you do something stupid and get caught on camera and it went viral?”

Zach laughs, and Simon is relieved to hear the sound comes from his mouth. “Nah, I wish I was though, that would’ve been so much better. But, uh, no. It’s not me, in those weird stuff, I mean, it’s… my brother.”

Zach’s voice is almost a whisper at the last two words. Simon puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a light squeeze. He can feel the older boy leaning into the touch, like Simon is a tree branch to help him from being rushed away by a fast-flowing river. “Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Simon says in a soft voice, hoping it would help sooth the older boy more.

Zach takes a deep breath in before turning his body to face Simon. “No, it’s fine,” he says, voice still sad and broken. “It’s been ten years, I should be able to talk about it without breaking up. Besides, you can just go and look it up on the internet anyway.”

Simon has to take a second or two to calm his racing heart because, shit, Zach looks so much like Raphael right now. He has the same look on his face like Raphael did when he talked about his family. “Okay,” Simon manages, hoping that it comes out normal and not as ragged and small as he feels.

Zach gives him a small smile. Taking another deep breath in, he starts, “Yesterday, ten years ago, my brother, he… he went missing.”

“I’m sorry,” Simon says after a moment, giving Zach’s shoulder another squeeze.

“Thanks,” the older boy says, “The cops said that he might’ve drowned in that lake inside the forest, because they found his clothes on the short pier at the lake.” He narrows his eyebrows. “But they never actually found his body.”

Simon takes his hand off Zach’s shoulder and turns back to face the comic shop again. He absently notices that one of comic on the display window has been replaced with the one that they both hate, and he can feel the owner’s hateful look casting their way. He smiles a little before his mind drift back to the moment.

He remembers reading about that story, a few years back, when he was bored and looking through the town’s old news to see if something interesting came up. That story did, and it was really big, at the time. A boy went missing, presumably dead, and there search parties but they never found him. But that is all Simon can recall about the story. He doesn’t remember what the boy’s name was, or what he even looked like.

It seems like now he is sitting next to the boy’s brother, ten years after what happened, and he doesn’t how to act in a situation like this.

He’s jolted out of his thoughts of what to say next by Zach tapping lightly on his shoulder. “Did you read about it?” the older boy asks.

“Yeah, I guess so. But I don’t remember much about it. I read it a long time ago,” he says, then promptly adds, “and if you think that I thought you were familiar because of your brother, I didn’t. I honestly thought you look a lot like my friend.”

Zach manages to give him a small smile but before he can say anything, his phone rings again. It’s still his mother trying to call him, but the older boy just rejects the call and puts the phone down beside him on the bench.

“You should take it,” Simon says, desperate to keep the silence away. “Maybe your Mom has something important to tell you.”

Zach shakes his head. “Nah. She probably just wants to me to come to dinner tonight, it’s like an anniversary thing for my brother. But I don’t want to,” the boy says, staring straight ahead. “I don’t know why she keeps trying. Every year she’d ask, and I’d look for any excuse possible to get out of it. After ten years, I thought she would’ve given up by now.”

“Why don’t you just go, just one time? Maybe it’d make her stop asking you ever again,” Simon offers.

Zach snorts, and it is a bitter and angry sound. “I want to, for her and my brothers, you know. But I can’t,” he says bitterly. “Because there will be many people, my uncles, aunts, cousins, sometimes even my brothers, who will either try not to look anywhere in my general direction or full on glare at me throughout the whole dinner.”

“Why?”

Zach sighs. “Most of them blame me for what happened to my brother, the rest pity me. It doesn’t help that I look like him so much.”

Zach looks so angry right now, and Simon can tell it’s not just at those people, but at himself as well. Simon reaches out a hand to put it on the older’s shoulder again, and like before, the older boy leans into it. “Hey, I’m sure whatever happened to you brother wasn’t your fault,” Simon says, “You can’t blame yourself and those people don’t have any rights to blame you for his death.”

Zach smiles at that. It was a small and broken smile, but it helps light up his face disportionately.  He is about to say something but his phone rings again.

“Your mom again?” Simon asks.

“No,” Zach says, then visibly shakes himself. “It’s my alarm. I should go home and get ready for work.”

Zach puts his phone back in his pocket. He then rummaging through his jacket’s pockets, coming out with a card from his wallet and a pen. He hastily scribbles something on the card and hands it to Simon. “My phone number,” the older boy says, sounding hopeful, “if you ever decide that I’m not too fucked up to hang with.”

Simon takes the card with a bright smile. “Are you kidding me? The fact that you feel the same about _that comic_ is enough for me to want to be friends with you, dude.” Zach smiles back at him and makes to stand up. He says a quick goodbye before walking away.

“Oh, hey,” Simon calls, as the older boy is just a few steps away. “What was your brother’s name?” Zach raises an eyebrow at him. “You know, so I’d know who to drink to tonight.” Simon knows he could probably look up his name online, but he wants to hear it from Zachary instead.

Zach grins, and then calls back, “You don’t look old enough to drink yet, kid.”

Simon rolls his eyes. “I don’t have to drink wine or something, I could just drink water and honor his name, asshole.”

That earns him a small, tiny laugh from Zach. “Raphael,” he says with a smile.

“Huh?” Simon tilts his head, puzzled.

“His name,” Zach calls out. “It was Raphael. Raphael Santiago.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

Simon can feel the breath knocked out of him as soon as Zach says his brother’s name. _ ‘It was Raphael. Raphael Santiago.’  _ He has to catch his breath real fast because Zach is narrowing his eyes at him in concern. 

Simon forces a smile on his face, though it feels more like a grimace to him. “Okay,” he calls back. “I’ll remember that. Goodbye, Zach.” He waves his head wildly at Zach and the older boy waves back with a joyful smile on his face, the tension from just moments ago seems to have dissipated from him completely, and walks off.

Simon is left to his own thoughts now. And there are millions of them going through his head right now. He hunches his back and puts his head in his hands, allowing himself a moment to process through all of them.

Raphael. It’s a common name, right? Like, people name their kids that all the time, right? Simon tries to think of all the people that he have met that might have that name but he comes up short.

He squeezes his eyes shut and draws in a deep breath and thinks. It can just be a really bizarre coincidence that Zachary’s dead brother had the same name as Simon’s night friend, they can’t be the same person, right? Because that would mean that Raphael is dead, and that is impossible because Simon can’t be friends with a dead person.

Simon’s vision becomes blurry as his body goes into a slight panic mode. It takes a long moment for Simon to calm himself down--there’s a lady nearby giving concerned glances and saying something to her friends, Simon bares his teeth to what he hopes is a smile and gives them two thumbs up. When they smile back at him and go back to whatever it is they are doing, Simon is left again to his own mind.

Now that he thinks, really thinks, about it, the clues and hints are jumping out at him like crazy.

Zachary reminds him a lot of Raphael, he looks like an older version of the boy. Because he’s aged over the years, and Raphael hasn’t, because he is dead.  _ Oh God, Simon is friends with a ghost.  _ And the boy has pale skin like he’s never gone out to the sun, and Simon has never seen the boy anywhere else but at the lake. Because he died there and now is haunting that place.  _ And oh my God, Simon is friends with a fucking  _ **_ghost._ **

And now Simon is hyperventilating. Because this is so completely bizarre and there is a chance, a  _ very big _ chance, that Simon is friends with a ghost. A very beautiful ghost. And that is fucking  _ awesome.  _ And also kinda scary, at the same time.

But Raphael has felt real. Real as, you know, Simon could see him, and touch him, and talk to him. He wasn’t like see-through, or smoky, or anything like Simon’s imagined a ghost would be. But it is still just speculation at this point, Raphael may not be dead and Zachary’s brother has nothing to do with him.

That, as it turns out later, is proven to be very wrong.

Simon leaves the mall as soon as his breathing is normal again. He doesn’t take the bus, but instead, he runs home as fast as he can, making his body sweat and exhausted to stop himself from thinking too hard on the matter.

Nobody is at home when he opened the door, coming in the once again empty house, as the afternoon light slowly making room for the dark of night to take over. 

Simon runs up the stairs to his room. He goes for his computer as soon as his bedroom door is open, not even bother to shut it again, and turns the computer on and searches for ‘Raphael Santiago’.

He takes deep breaths in and out before clicking in the first result. 

He reads through it slowly and at the end of the page, there’s a picture of Raphael. Simon chokes on his breath as he realizes that, yeah, that’s Raphael.  _ His  _ Raphael. But it is so weird because the picture of the boy on his computer screen is so familiar, yet so… different at the same time.

It is Raphael, with his eyes, his nose, his lips, his everything. But the Raphael he’s seeing now is much more... alive, his skin isn’t pale like death, and he has a big, bright smile on his face, and absolute no care for the world.

The article he just read tells him that the boy was eighteen when he was gone. He was an honor student, with a music scholarship to a good college and a bright future right in front of him. The boy played the piano, there’s a link to one of his performances, and Simon hovers his mouse on it for a few seconds before clicking.

The video quality isn’t good, but as soon as the boy begins to play, Simon can feels his eyes starting to sting as tears threatening to fall through. It’s beautiful, the way he plays. The way he closes his eyes and softly swaying his body to the music, like his mind--no, his  _ entire soul-- _ is in the melody.

Simon’s heart aches and tears escape from his eyes as he realizes that this boy right here, this wonderful, happy, smiling boy on his screen right now, had his entire life with a bright future just months away from his reach taken away from him by a fucking  _ tragedy. _

Simon bite his lips and wipes away the tears as he shuts off the video. He decides to go and read more articles writing about the boy and what happened to him.

Apparently, there was a fight between him and his brother, Zachary--there was a picture of him, and God, he looked so young and innocent--and Raphael stormed out of the house. When he didn’t come back the next day, his mother got worried and called the cops. With a small town like this, when a kid went missing, even if it was just a day, things got wild.

There were searches parties for him, with trained dogs and everything, but they never found him. They did, however, find his clothes at the lake, crumbled into a pile on the pier, so they assumed he went for a swim and drowned. Then the divers came to the lake, they searched for days but they never came up with his body in tow.

And that was it. As time went by, people started to get frustrated and the search parties slowly went down to zero. Raphael’s family was left with nothing but his crumpled clothes and the ‘I’m sorry’s from the people in town.

Some articles mention his family; his mother, Guadalupe Santiago, and his four younger brothers: Zachary--14 at the time, Emmanuel and Gabriel--twins, 12, and David--too fucking young to really understand why his big brother would never come home again. There are pictures of Raphael’s funeral, with his mother crying so hard while she had to watch her son’s empty casket being lowered to the ground, Zach squeezing his eyes shut to hold back the tears to show strength for his mother’s sake, and the three other boys just stood back and watched it all with sad and confused looks.

Looking through them all, it gives Simon an understanding, about why Raphael had looked so sad when he talked about his family, about his reaction to the personal question, and about why the boy sometimes seemed to be bitter with the world. 

Because, fuck, his future was taken away from his, his family was taken away from him, and he is stuck at that lake, stuck with the knowledge that they are all just a walk away.

That sets something free in Simon’s mind, and he shakes himself from all these thoughts and starts making a plan. 

He writes everything he’s learned about the boy down a notebook he found nearby, and starts searching about ghosts and how to set them free.

He doesn’t hear his mom coming home, he also doesn’t hear her walking up the stairs and stopping by his door. So when she knocks on the doorframe, Simon almost jumps out of his seat and straight up to the ceiling.

“Mom, God, what are you doing?” he screeches as he turns off the video he was watching--it’s about some ghost-related things, and he has watched so many of them today, it all seems to have blurred together.

“Uh,” she says, flicking on the light--huh, when did it get so dark?--and looks around the room. She raises an eyebrow as her eyes stop on him. “What are  _ you _ doing?” she says uncertainly.

Simon looks down at himself. He has wrapped a blanket around himself, over his head and everything at some point, partly because the windows are opened and the wind has picked up, the rest is because it makes him feel vaguely safe while sitting in an empty house reading and watching stuff about ghosts and other unholy things.

“Uh, homework?” he says, and his mother doesn’t even looked surprised at his answer. Oh yeah, maybe it’s because this is not the first time she’s found him in this exact position, browsing through something bizarre--and most people would consider, weird--on his computer.

“Alright,” she says, turning to walk off. “Dinner’s ready, leave the blanket on your bed when you come down, okay? And close the windows, it seems like a cold night tonight.”

And then she’s gone. Simon leaves his computer on, letting it scroll through his calming set of screensavers.

When dinner is done and he wishes his mother a goodnight, he runs back upstairs to continuing his research. He’s set in his mind on it. He’s going to help Raphael see the light and, you know, go to the other side and whatever. He wants to help to boy not trapped here anymore, because he knows how much horrible it must be to be trapped in one place for a decade and counting. Hell, Simon can’t even be stuck in one place more than ten minutes.

So Simon closes his door behind him and goes back to his mission, to search for a mean to help Raphael. 

Sleep comes and takes over him at some point in the night. He rests his head on his keyboard while pictures of ghosts and haunted houses and articles about anything ghost-related dancing in front of his eyes and blending themselves into his dream. In the end, as his mind goes dark, he wonders what Raphael is doing right now.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just posted a new saphael fic called [answer me (please)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7590892), it's very short, go check it out and tell me what you think :3


	10. A little of Raphael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh kids, this is why you don't write without a specific writing plan! Because your story changes and takes many wild turns and you somehow end up with a 5k chapter with no idea how you get there.

Swimming. That’s all Raphael has done for the past ten years. And that’s all he will do in the next ten, twenty, fifty and so on and so off.

For right now, he’s floating in one place in front of his cave entrance--but really, floating is just one form of swimming--and talking to the corals that live there.

He’s talked to all of them through his ten years of being stuck at this lake, but only two ever answered him, the rest either ignore him or don’t really understand his words. He calls the corals Coral #1 and #3, because they never told him their names, even when he’s asked, and that is their positions on the corals line.

 _“You’re being ridiculous,”_ #3 tells him. Raphael sighs, long-suffering, because he regrets ever telling the both of them about Simon and the incident that took place last night. _“He probably didn’t figure out what you are.”_

#1 makes an agreeing sound.

“Whatever. He didn’t come back tonight, so he probably did and got scared and figured he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore,” Raphael argued.

After ten long years, he’s still not sure how he can communicate underwater, let alone how he can communicate with non-human creatures of the lake. He can just _hear_ them talk inside his head, but he is certain they never make a physical sound. He’s asked the Moon about it, but the Moon, being herself, only said some nonsensical things about life and death and the living beings that only left him even more confused with the situation than before he came to her.

He doesn’t get to talk to the Moon much since she is busy with keeping the whole world alight when nightime comes. But she still puts asides some of her time and talks to him once every other month. But there’s one day where she will always come in full and speak with him, on the anniversary of the day he died. Just like she did last night.

She would usually give him updates on his family, giving just enough not to fill him with longing and grief for being stuck here, and if it did make him sad, she’d then start telling him stories about the places she’s been and the things she’s gotten to see. It’d always cheer him up right away, to hear her soft, soothing voice running through his brain like a bedtime lullaby, though it never lured him to sleep, but to a happy, calming, wonderful place.

Last night, she came early, startling him as she called for his name through the water. Raphael dove up as quickly as his body allowed him, and was met with the Moon’s human-like form floating above the water surface, her feet just millimeters away from touching the water.

She smiled kindly as she gestured for him to swim closer to her. She bowed down to kiss his head before floating higher in the air, like she was flying but her movements were fluid and smooth as if the air around her was water. Raphael swam to the pier and sat on it when the Moon told him to.

Her smile radiated even more  kindness and sweetness when she looked at him, at his bewildered expression, and then she started talking. She explained to him why she was here much earlier than usual, so that he could spend the rest of his night with someone else instead of hearing her talk.

 _“I know I am early, my dear,”_ she said, voice soft and smooth. _“But it seems that this year you have gotten someone else to look forward to.”_

Raphael suspected that if his heart was still beating as hard as a normal person’s heart would, it would be pumping all the blood on his entire body to his face right at that moment, but since he was mostly dead, he figured he just had a light blush on his cheek. He also spluttered out some nonsense that was just mostly words tripping over each other as he tried to explained to her what Simon actually was to him.

The Moon chuckles gently and says, _“It is alright, my dear, you do not have to explain it to me. The boy made you smile your lovely, delightful smile, and that is enough for me.”_ She floated closer to him, still up above the air and use her silky, luminous hand to caress his cheek. _“I am only come here now to talk about your family, and maybe tell you a story if we have got the time. Do you want to do that now?”_

Raphael nodded slowly and the Moon started telling him about his mother. She went through each and everyone of his family members, letting him know they were still okay, that his brothers were still living great, and when it was over, she moved on to the stories. She talked about Paris, tonight, about how beautiful it was when she came to take over the sky, how the lights and the people all mixed together to make a magnificent painting right in bellow her. He sat and listened to her, entranced and chasing after each and every clement word coming out her between her glowing lips.

When the Moon finished her stories about Paris and the family with a house in the middle of nowhere, she floated down from high in the air and kissed him softly on his head, smiling at him, and bid him a goodbye before disappearing away into the cool night air.

He smiled after the glowing dust residue she’d left behind, sitting there and watching them slowly flowing down the water surface and melting away.

Raphael sat there for a while, he knew Simon wouldn’t be coming at this early in the night, so he sat there and watched the lovely full moon above him, swinging his legs back and forth under the water and hearing the sound it created.

He was so deep in his thoughts, he didn’t hear someone coming up behind him and when that someone swallow in a big breath, loud in the eerie quiet of the forest, he tensed up immediately. He didn’t know, at first, that it was Simon, because the kid never came this early, so something terrible stirred up in his stomach. Something like fear. Something he hasn’t felt in years.

For all that he knew at the time, it could be a hunter, not the kind that hunt deers and rabbits and whatever, but the malicious ones who hunt creatures like himself and Arkstar for their idea of a peaceful world.

So, yeah, he was afraid, he was in fear for his life, but the person wasn’t saying anything, wasn’t making any more noise and Raphael took all the courage inside him and made himself turn around, very slowly.

What he saw, of course, was Simon, standing just a few meters away from him, eyes wide and mouth gaping. And oh God, here was Raphael, sitting under the moonlight, practically glowing, and without his glamour on to cover up his gills and fangs and everything that was not human about him.

And then Simon was saying something, or trying to, anyway. But Raphael didn’t stay long enough to find out what it was. He jumped down the water and dove deep, not stopping for any breath, just swam and swam until he was deep inside his cave, close to Arkstar’s cage so that the only thing he was hearing was the squid’s loud grumble and banging on the cage door.

He didn’t want to hear whatever the kid was trying to say. He already knew what it was going to be. It was going to be some horrible things about the way he looked, and Raphael would be called a _monster,_ and he didn’t think he could take all of that coming from Simon.

So he covered his ears and curled into a ball, ignoring the calling from the corals, just focused on the loud noises Arkstar was making. He squeezed his eyes shut and he didn’t know if he actually fell asleep--he couldn’t sleep anymore--but he knew he was out for a long while, and when he opened his eyes again, Arkstar was silent, probably deep in slumber, and the corals outside were calling his name frantically.

He slowly uncurled himself from his position and swam out to meet them. The corals rushed over each other to ask him what was going on and he let them calm down a little before telling them everything.

Which brings him back to this exact moment, where the two corals are chiding him about the incident like _he_ was somehow being crazy for coming to that conclusion.

 _“You should come back up and check again, maybe the boy is here now,”_ #1 says, and Raphael groans. He’s come up the surface for, like, a billion time now but the kid was nowhere to be seen each time. He doesn’t know why it would be any different now, just minutes away from the last check.

“He’s not here. If he was, he’d call out for me and I’d hear it,” Raphael pointed out.

 _“You didn’t hear him last night,”_ #3 says, and he can just feels it raising its leafy eyebrow at him.

“How did you know he was still there when I went down last night?” Raphael asked, folding his arms challengingly.

 _“Raine heard him,”_ #3 replied. Oh, Raine, one of the fishes that live close to the surface, he remembers her. She’s still pretty mad at him for throwing her at Simon a few nights ago. She wasn’t harmed or anything, he didn’t throw her that hard, he just wanted to make the kid stop talking about that movie for one minute, and at the time, throwing a fish at his face seemed like a good idea. And it was, the kid stopped talking and stared at him with wide eyes. He’s never laughed harder than that for as long as he can remember. Thinking back on the memory now, it makes his shoulders ache with this weird stinging pain so he pushes it away as far as he can.

“I thought you hated Raine,” Raphael says, trying to keep his voice calm and even. “Didn’t she once bad mouthing you with the other fishes that live close to the surface?” Raphael has chosen not to speak with the fishes much, only if he really needs to, they seem to be more ‘mean girls’ than the corals.

 _“That was a long time ago,”_ #3 says pointedly. _“She can be trusted now.”_

“Only because her words fit your theory of me acting crazy about this. I am not, alright? The kid saw me, he freaked out, he left. He will never come back now, okay? Just accept that.” Raphael knows his voice is raising dangerously, so he swallows a chunk of water to calm himself down.

Raphael doesn’t know if he is trying to convince the corals or himself because, for whatever stupid reason, his brain still latches on some hope that the kid might come back. And it’s really stupid, because after ten years of being stuck at the lake, talking to corals and fishes and a giant squid that only answers in grunts and growls and door bangings, he knows that hope is a terrible thing and it can tear you down and leave you for the fishes to pick on.

Arkstar, thank the Moon, chooses that moment to start growling and banging loudly on the cage door. It rescues him from having to hear whatever the corals are trying to saying next because, really, he just wants to forget about this, forget all about Simon and his dopy smile and the adorable look he had on his face when he ranted about something he liked--which was always because that kid seemed to like practically everything, well, everything except for that one comic, that one was a very loud, angry rant.

“I should go now, Arkstar needs to be fed,” Raphael mumbles, making some vague gesture with his hands.

 _“Alright, Keeper, go do your job,”_ #1 says and the corals wave their branches at him, though it can just be the way they are swaying in the water. Either way, he waves back and swims away to look for some poor fishes for Arkstar.

‘Keeper’, that’s what the fishes and the corals always call him. Because that’s his job, right? To keep watch over Arkstar and for the people who come into the water.

Raphael sighs tiredly as he swims around scouting for some fishes. He knows he should’ve scared Simon away like he did with every other teenagers who wanted to go for a night swim. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this right now.

The giant squid almost cheers as it catches sight of him swimming down the cave tunnel leading to his cage.

Raphael throws one of fishes downward for Arkstar and the squid reaches his tentacle out and grabs it right away. He does it for the rest of the fishes and the squid grumbles almost happily as it dove away from the cage door to do whatever it is giant squids do when they’re not trying to break out of their cages.

Raphael stays there for a while, a safe distance away from Arkstar’s reach, and thinks.

It didn’t use to be like this. Arkstar, he means. He was more angry and dangerous than this. He was actually the reason why Raphael is not alive anymore.

Raphael tries not to think too much about that day, an advice from the Moon, and it’s a good advice because if he had, Raphael knew he would’ve become more bitter with the world. Well, much more than he is now, at least. But there were times, times like this, when he stares at the giant creature down below, and he allows himself to think back about that night and everything that happened over the course of just hours.

He tries not to think about to fight he’d had with Zachary, he didn’t want to blame his brother. It wasn’t Zachary’s fault that Raphael wandered into the woods, it wasn’t Zachary’s fault that he chose to get into the lake, it wasn’t Zachary’s fault that he got drowned by a giant squid. Anything that had happened to him none of it was ever Zachary’s fault, and God, he hopes the kid knows that.

Raphael shakes himself when his thoughts starting to drift back to his family. It’s never good to dwell on things, he’s learned that the hard way. He focused back on what happened when he did get into the lake.

He’d chosen to ignore the warning against the lake and go for a night swim, like the idiotic teenagers he’s scared away, and Arkstar was loose from his cage at the time, and Raphael was an easy target. So the squid swam close to the surface and wrapped one of his tenacious tentacles around Raphael’s ankle and pulled.

Raphael was--still is, he guesses--a good swimmer, so he struggled and tried to swim back up to the surface. But he was nothing against a giant squid so soon enough, the cool water took its place in his lungs where air should be and it slowly filled up and his vision became blurry and dark, and then there was a voice in his head asking, _“Do you want to live?”._ And with of his remaining energy, he screamed, “Yes, yes, please, yes!”

The water was taking that chance to fill more into his lungs and there was pain, so much pain, and then there was nothing.

Then he woke up again, right in front a cave opening, voices rushing around in his head making him dizzy. He looked around, blinking, trying to work out what was going on. It took him a long while to figure out he was underwater, deep, deep, underwater, and it was dark, so dark, but he could see everything.

He was underwater and he was still alive and he could see everything.

Raphael brought his hands up to touch the gills that had somehow embed into the sides of his neck and he was still breathing because of them. As this realization, he started swallowing in chunks of water and his body was still fine, and it didn’t hurt like, like… like it did just moments ago.

Raphael swirled around, noticing everything in his lines of vision. He knew that it was dark because it was just moments ago--or at least, it felt like moments ago--that he was dragged down the water, which should leave him dead, but somehow he wasn’t. He was sure that he wasn’t alive, he didn’t feel alive, but he didn’t feel dead either.

Raphael could hear a distant growling and like someone was banging on metal doors coming from the cave entrance. So he swam up, away from that horrifying sound and to the surface.

He was right, it was still dark, and the moon was full overhead--it hadn’t been full when he’d first got to the lake, Raphael is sure of it, he remembers looking up the sky and see the moon hiding behind vast of night clouds--illuminating the forest and making everything looked so eerie and solemn.

Everything was quiet. The wind seemed like it wasn’t even there, not playing with the tree branches, not making the water meet the shore. Nothing. There were no sounds of distant insect or wild animals. Absolute nothing.

The only sound then was Raphael breathing loudly as he took in his surrounding. His clothes were still on the pier where he’d left them and he swam close to it.

He was an arm reach away when he felt someone touching him. But oddly enough, the touch didn’t frighten him, it sent a wave of calm and peace through his veins, making his stop in his tracks and slowly turning around.

In front of him was a glowing being with a human-like body floating above the water, and she was smiling a warm, kind smile at him. Any sense of fear and panic in his body rushed out as he stared at her.

 _“Hello, my child,”_ the being spoke and her voice was as warm and soft as her smile was.

“Wha--Who are you?” Raphael sputtered out, swimming backward, away from the strange creature. The glowing being tilted her head, crouching down and touching his cheek.

 _“Do not be scare, my dear, I will never hurt you,”_ she says, warm rushing out with her words. _“I am what you know as the Moon. I am the one who brought you back to life.”_

“Back to life? W-was I dead?” Raphael questioned, but he didn’t feel as panic as he should be. It could be because of the warmth radiating of this being, not just physical warmth but the one that is in her every movement, like she was a kind mother speaking to her child.

 _“Yes, my dear,”_ she answers, her voice sad for just a split second before it was radiating warmth again. _“I made the forest stay quiet to mourn for you.”_ She gestured around them, before turning back to Raphael. _“But you need not to dwell on that too much, darling, for I have a job for you.”_

Raphael stayed silent and the Moon probably realize the panic on his face because right then, her light became brighter and radiating more warmth.

 _“Arkstar,”_ she started to speak again after a long pause, sounding suddenly tense. _“He is a child of mine, just like you. But I created him when I was very young and did not know anything of the world.”_ She was moving around, floating and casting light against the dark water surface. _“I was angry because I was trapped in that big orb up above the sky, so I created him. He is the base of my feelings, anger, loneliness, bitterness, everything that was bad inside of me, I made it into him.”_

Raphael kept his silence, and couldn’t help his body moving towards the being calling themselves the Moon. Her voice had shifted to something that was vaguely like anger, but not quite. _“I regret my action everyday I have to watch him from up there,”_ she continued, staring up the glowing orb in the sky. _“But I cannot redo it, I cannot kill him, because although he is dangerous, he is still my child, I love him very dearly. So I locked him away, here, deep beneath this lake, and I have someone watching over him.”_

“But… why me?” Raphael asked when the being didn’t seem to be continuing. She turned to face him, crouching down again so they were eye to eye level. She didn’t have much of an eye, just glowing orbs occupying the space where her eyes should be. They were beautiful and warm and Raphael wanted to drown in them.

 _“Because you died here, my dear,”_ she explained, like this is something Raphael should know.

“I died because of that… that thing--”

 _“That thing is my child,”_ the being cut in, her voice echo through the quiet forest, making the trees shifting and rustling, and then she seemed to realize it and smiled soft and warm again. _“I am sorry, my dear. I am sorry for what happened to you, for Arkstar, and for my younger self. But I asked you if you wanted to live, and you answered yes, so I made you come back to life, along with some gifts, and now you must stay here and watch over Arkstar.”_

The voice, Raphael thought, he’d heard it just second before he passed out. It was her. Raphael looked down his body, pale and definitely not alive. He brought his hands up and stared at his webbed fingers, and feeling his gills and the fangs he just realized he had. Gifts, she’d called it. He didn’t want this. He told her that.

 _“But you said yes,”_ the being said incredulously, tilting her head a little.

“I was dying, you asked if I wanted to live, of course I said yes,” Raphael barked, feeling so angry that even the warmth from her couldn’t calm him down. “You used me. You could’ve saved me before I died. But you didn’t because you needed someone to watch over your--your _son._ You said you loved him, but in reality, he’s just a burden that you can’t wait to push on someone else.”

The wind was going wild around them, stirring awake the tree branches. The being - the Moon, whatever she was - was staring at him, body still and unmoving, and then she floated away, back once again to Raphael.

 _“I do love him,”_ she says, sorrow filled up her voice. _“But there is nothing I can do for him. I have a job to do, and if I fail to do it, bad things will happen. So you are right, I am pushing him on someone else, on you. But it is only because I have no other choice.”_

She started floating higher, her glowing body casting white light everywhere. _“I am sorry that I have to do this to you, my dear, but you will understand my choice. Perhaps not now, but you will soon.”_ She was spreading her arms the lights from her body became brighter and brighter. _“I must go now. There are things I need to attend to. If you need anything, you can ask the corals living outside of your cave. Goodbye, my child.”_

And then she was gone. Poof. Gone. Like fireworks dying on the night sky. Raphael stared after where her body had just been moments ago. Then he turned and started swimming to the shore. Fuck her. Fuck the Moon. He was going home, back to his _real_ mother, to his brothers--God, they must be worry to dead for him right now--and away from all of this nonsense.

But as he walked to the shore, the further away from the water he was being, the more suffocating he felt. It was painful, the air coming through his nose were making his lungs hurt, it was all like drowning all over again. Raphael hastily fell back into the water and the pain went away. Oh. Right. Of course he couldn’t leave.

He dove back down the water, feeling his vision shift to fit his new environment, and didn’t stop until he reached the cave entrance. There were many kinds of corals living just outside of the cave entrance. The Moon said that he could speak to them so he would.

“Hello?” he said, and the water felt weird in his mouth.

 _“Hello?”_ a voice answer back, sounding like a child. He turned around to look for the source of the voice but no one else was in sight. _“Over here, idiot.”_ The voice said again, and he could feel the tug to the right direction. He turned back to the corals, and one of them was swaying more wildly than the other.

“Hello?” he repeated, getting closer to the swaying coral.

 _“Hello, hello. Do you not know any other word?”_ The voice had become slightly annoyed.

It had taken him a while to realize it was the corals speaking, and he’s glad he did because they helped him plenty through his years here. They told him everything he needed to know about living here and keeping watch of Arkstar.

It also took him a long, long while to get over the fact that the Moon had used him. But he did, and he understood why she did what she did just a year after everything.

He started to get used to not needing to eat, drink--the accidental water in the mouth didn’t count because after all, he was underwater--and sleep. He didn’t need to do the things that a normal living human being need to do, and he was learning to be fine with that.

In the day, he’d hide in his cave, closing his eyes to feel some resemblance to a sleep as he could get, and wait for the little rays of daylight that somehow manage to weaves through the depth, not quite lighting up the place but enough to let him know not to show his face.

He’d tried coming out once, up to the Sun. It didn’t end very well. The Sun apparently had some kind of conflict with the Moon, in which he’d burn everything of her creation. #3 had said it was a lover’s quarrel. Raphael had obliquely asked the Moon about it, on the first anniversary of his death, and she said it was because the Sun didn’t like her having her attention on anything else rather than just him.

Raphael didn’t quite believe that that was the case, but her teasing tone had seemed pleasant enough that he just accepted it. He guesses it could also explain why the Sun burned so hot all the time, because everything on this Earth had once had the Moon’s attention.

That night, after she’d left to do moon-y things, he dove back down his cave. He swam around for a while, exploring the depth and complication of the cave, following tunnels that eventually lead to another cave entrance and listening to Arkstar trying to break open the cage door.

The corals had explained to him how that worked too. Apparently, the Moon can’t watch over Arkstar all on her own. Sure, she can keep him locked away, but since she is busy with a lot of things and can’t keep her attention on him all the times, her power on the lock weakens over time. And with Arkstar’s constant struggle to break free, the lock’d slowly become undone and it’d lead to him breaking out and wreaking havoc over the entire lake. So she needs someone to help her watch over him, making sure that his lock stay locked and alerting her if the lock is weakened.

The corals told him that there were many before him, taking over the role of Keeper. When he’d asked why there was none when he came here, to keep Arkstar in check, they went oddly quiet. He could hear them whispering to each other in his head but the words were being spoken too fast and all blurred together so he couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a while, they finally stopped and turned back to him.

There were a long pause before they started talking again. They told him that there were many Keepers before him. They said some of them couldn’t take the pressure of being stuck in one place for too long, and just months after they were turned, they chose a sunny day and dove up the surface and let the Sun burn them out of existence. The Moon was so far away so she couldn’t stop them.

The corals paused again before continuing, voice sounding heavy. They said that the rest that didn’t burn themselves under the Sun, got eaten by Arkstar. There were times where the squid’s cage somehow got loose and he escaped and he always went for the Keeper first. They told him that was how the last Keeper died, she was talking to them when Arkstar came out of the cage and wrapped his tentacles around her.

Raphael was horrified when they finished their story. He didn’t dare to get too close to Arkstar’s cage when he feed him after that.

Then on an unfortunate night, as he was swimming close to the surface and enjoying the rustling of the leaves above the surface, Arkstar got loose, and went up for him. He’d heard the squid before he saw him, growling and grumbling angrily as his tentacles reached out for Raphael. He scratched the first one that had reached him, struggling to swim upwards and screaming to the Moon for help. She came for him in a flash, pushing Arkstar back down into his cage and locking the door with a loud roaring sound.

Thinking back at it now, the memory still makes him tremble. It was very scary, to face a monster in his domain. Thank the Moon for being there, she’d come to his rescue and after locking her child up, she came up to hug him and whisper reassurance in his ears before disappearing away. He’d waited until the last minute of night time before swimming back down to his cave.

The corals tripped over themselves to ask if he was alright. He thanked them and assured them that he was still in one piece and swam away to explore the far side of the lake, hoping it’d help taking his mind off things.

Arkstar went completely quiet for days after that incident. He didn’t eat--Raphael still threw in fishes from far, far away and stayed to make sure he got them, but the fishes always swam back out of the tunnel--he didn’t make any noises, and he didn’t try to escape. Then Raphael, almost feeling his mostly dead heart thumping wildly in his chest, decided to dive down and talk to Arkstar.

The squid didn’t answer him, didn’t make any indication that he even knew that Raphael was there, but he hadn’t reached out and killed Raphael yet so Raphael must have done something right.

Raphael did this every time he came to feed him and over time, the giant squid became more… responsive. Arkstar still didn’t answer him--to this date, Raphael is still not sure if the squid even has the capability to talk inside his head like the corals do--but he stayed quiet and listened to him, he can feel the squid listening to his every word as he talked about his family, and sometimes, he would tell Arkstar the stories that Moon had told him.

From then on, Raphael can feel the squid slowly becomes less hateful, less angry towards everything. Especially Raphael.

Raphael comes back to reality when Arkstar makes a loud noise, banging on the cage door. Raphael smiles a little as he swims over the safe distant mark and closer to the cage. The squid immediately perks up as Raphael begins to tell him about Paris and the family that has a house in the middle of nowhere.

For once since last night, he doesn’t think about Simon for hours to come.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh you guys warmed my tiny little heart with all your comments in the last chapter. I seriously did not think you would like it that much but I'm glad that you did. I will try to make another Raphael's POV chapter into reality, though it's hard because there's still no writing plan guys.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all a lot for the support, here's another long ass chapter. Enjoy!!!!!

“Simon! Simon, wake the hell up right now. I swear to God if you don’t wake up in the next five seconds, I’m going to punch you in your fucking face!”

Simon groans, turning his head away from that horrible, loud voice that is screaming right into his skull. He squeezes his eyes shut and imagines himself on a peaceful, calming land full of unicorns and fluffy trees and basically anything but this screaming, painful hell.

The person is relentless, though, and they’re not just yelling in his ears, they’re also shaking him violently like he’s some kind of ragdolls, and it’s making his entire body hurt.

Simon groans again and hopes that the pain will somehow bleed through the crack in his skin and just, dissipate into the air or whatever. When the person refuses to stop shaking him and keeps yelling for the entire world to hear, Simon opens his eyes, and then wishes he hadn’t done that.

The person, assuming the devil reincarnation, has opened all the blinds covering up his windows, letting in all the light from the entire fucking sun. Aside from his eyes being burnt to ashes by the morning light, his entire body also hurts--not just from the person shaking him, which has stopped now that they saw him opening his eyes--from the position he is in, leaning over on his computer desk with his face smashed against the keyboard.

“Time‘s it?” Simon grunts, sitting up straight in his chair and rubbing his eyes hard with the back of his hands.

“It’s almost ten, Simon, wake your fucking ass up!” the person--Clary, as it turns out--sounds quite annoying for whatever reason that may or may not be involving Simon’s resistance to face the day.

“But why? There’s no school today, Clary, just leave me alone, please,” Simon mumbles as he sits back in his chair, letting his head falls back off the backrest, hoping that that will somehow right his spine up again.

“No school, but there’s us. You know, your friends,” Clary says, and Simon can hear her shuffling around his room. “We barely saw you at all this week outside of school, so, you know. I thought we could hang out today. I already called the guys, they’ll meet us at the mall. Alec’s even willing to go to the Downworlder if you want--Simon, what the hell is this?”

Simon has closed his eyes at some point while he waits for his back to stop hurting, but he can hear Clary waving a piece of paper right in front of his face, flickering the sunlight behind his eyelids.

He opens his eyes hesitantly and sees that Clary is holding up one of the research paper he’s printed out yesterday. It’s about some supernatural investigation team exploring a haunted hospital somewhere. “Um,” Simon says tentatively, “Homework?”

Clary takes the paper away from his face, holding it up to her face instead, so she can read through it. “What kind of class gives you homework about haunted hospitals?” she asks incredulously, and Simon shifts uneasily in his chair.

“Uh, History class?” Simon tries, lifting his head up to look at Clary. She puts the paper down somewhere on his desk to look at him, her face totally unimpressed. “Uh, Math?”

Ugh, God, he’s an idiot. No, his brain is an idiot, he has nothing to do with this. Yeah, his brain just hasn’t got its first coffee and is acting up. God, the things he’d do for a cup of hot, black, crack-laced (if possible, Stan would probably do it for him if he asked) coffee right now, just so he can wake up completely and give Clary some kind of good excuse for all this.

Clary doesn’t say anything, though, just stares at him with an eyebrow raised, arms crossed across her chest. She narrows her eyes at him a bit, like she’s trying to figure him out, figure what’s going on in his mind, and then she sighs, defeated. “Okay, Simon. Just go get ready. I’ll wait downstairs,” she says, making her way out of his room without waiting for his reply.

Simon groans exasperatedly, just to let the world know all of his misery right now, then drags his ass up and does as Clary said.

***

In the short ride to the mall, Clary doesn’t say much, or at least, not until stop at a redlight. She turns over to look at him, and Simon suddenly feels so awkward fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie and keeping his eyes downward.

“So,” Clary starts, sounding almost distant. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re not grounded anymore?”

Simon doesn’t say anything, or you know, he doesn’t know what to say. There’s so many things to choose from, he just gets lost somewhere in between. He can feels Clary’s eyes leaving his body and turns back to the road in front.

“I had to find out from my mom, you know. I came back home last night from Izzy’s, and my mom asked me why I haven’t got to your house yet. Then she told me you’re not grounded anymore, and we could hang out again,” she continues, a hint of sadness fills in her voice. “I tried texting you, but you wouldn’t answer back. Your lights were off so I thought you went to bed early or something, because that seems like something you’d do, something that you’ve done all week.”

“Clary--” he says but is quickly cut off by Clary.

“No, it’s fine, you know. I’m not mad at you or anything, I just… I just want to know why you didn’t tell me.”

The car behind them is honking loudly, apparently the light has turned green, and Clary puts the car in motion again, eyes hard and focused on the road.

“Clary, I--” Simon mumbles, feeling like the biggest dick in the entire universe. He’s been so focused on the thing with Raphael he’s forgotten all about his best friend, who was worried for him, and probably feeling like shit to for the way he’s been treating her. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I was so focused on doing the, uh, research for my…”

“Homework,” Clary offers, a smile flickering on her face, it’s small but it’s there, and it lights up the situation almost immediately.

“Yeah, my homework,” Simon nods, and can’t help a smile of his own. “And you know how I am when I’m focused on something. I just--I forget about everything else, and that’s no excuse for the way I acted. I know I’m a dick, and I’m so sorry for that, Clary.”

“Okay,” she says, voice soft and gentle again. “It’s fine, Simon. I was just worried about you, is all. Friday night got me really worried, you know. But your sister has texted me and told me it was fine--Did you, um, talk to her yet?”

“We had a small talk yesterday,” Simon tells her, suddenly feels small and awkward again. “I told her not to tell you that I’m not grounded anymore. It’s just--”

“No, I get it,” Clary says as she pulls the car into the mall parking lot. “Whatever you have going on must be really serious, and I’m not asking you to tell me about it right away. But, um, someday, okay? When you’re ready?”

“Yeah, okay.”

“You do know you can tell me anything, right? Like, I’m not going to judge you or anything. I mean, I’ve put up with your ass all this long, I already know you’re weird and shit.” That pulls a nervous laugh of Simon and he’s thankful for it. It lifts the remain awkwardness in their talk and leaves them with the calm, cheerful surrounding that always comes with their conversation. He abruptly realizes how much he’s missed Clary.

Clary turns of the car and undoes her seatbelt, then turns her body to face him. And Simon smiles at her, all happy and bright. She smiles back and pats him on the shoulder before getting out of the car.

The walk to the mall building is a quiet one, but the quiet is welcomed.

***

Their friends are waiting for them near the big fountain on the mall first floor, smiling and hollering when they spot Simon and Clary walking towards them.

After a long while of arguing, they end up going to the Downworlder because Simon still hasn’t had his first coffee and apparently, it’s all about him today. Alec has a sullen expression on his face for the whole they’re walking to the shop, though, and he keeps shooting glare Simon’s way and Simon does his best to pretend he doesn’t notice it, just to annoy Alec even more.

They settle at their regular table at the shop. There were customers sitting there as they walked in. But as soon as Magnus saw them--or more likely, he saw Alec--walking in, he immediately jumped over the counter (he actually jumped over the counter, Simon isn’t exaggerating) and shooed the customers away to make room for them.

The customers didn’t look so happy, and they told Magnus just that, but the shop owner just waved his hand at them nonchalantly and went to take a seat next to Izzy. In all honesty, he probably would’ve gone for the one next to Alec, but the boy has astutely settled in the corner, pulling Jace down beside him so that he was seat between the wall and the other boy.

When they’re all done with ordering, Magnus puts both of his hands on the table so he can rest his chin in them, and looks at Alec with literal hearts in his eyes. Alec rolls his eyes and looks away from the shop owner, doing all his best to ignore the hearts Magnus is shooting his way. Simon can’t help a quiet snicker as he watches the whole thing.

Clary starts up a conversation, and everyone joins in, even Alec puts in his word from time to time, but after while in, Simon finds himself zoning out.

He glances over the counter, Stan is not working today, which explains why his coffee is not as good as he remembers drinking it yesterday. He averts his eyes around the shop, there’s a lot of customers in--it is a Sunday after all, people are out of their houses to go do social stuff with their friends--and Simon can’t help when his eyes move to the table Zachary has sat in yesterday. The table is currently occupied by a lovely lady with her young kid sitting right beside her, playing with the toys splayed out on the table while his mother works on her laptop.

“Hey, Simon, what do you think?” Jace asks, pulling him out of his daze.

“Huh?” he says, bewildered.

Jace rolls his eyes. “I asked what do you think about Magnus dyeing his hair blue.”

“Oh,” Simon says, then really realizing what Jace just said. “Oh, no. Uh-uh, no. It wouldn’t work on you, Magnus. I actually think orange would work better for you. Magnus, please dye your hair orange.”

Magnus rolls his eyes exasperatedly at him. “I’m not dyeing my hair orange, Sarah.”

“C’mon, that’s a girl name,” Simon protested.

“Yeah, and you’ll keep on getting girl names if you keep suggesting dumb shit like that,” Magnus says, pointing a finger at Simon accusingly. Oh, yeah, of course he’s calling Simon’s name wrong on purpose, and apparently he’s having quite a lot of fun doing it, too.

The whole group laugh and their conversation shifts. Izzy turns her head to him, fingers playing with the rim of her drink. “Hey, how are things with you and that Raphael guy?” she asks, completely unaware of the way her question making his heart pick up its beat.

“What Raphael guy?” Magnus asks, looking at Simon with a terrifying amount of amusement in his eyes.

“Oh,” Izzy says, and Simon wants to just digs a giant hole and just stays down there forever. “It’s some guy Simon’s met online. He has quite a crush on him, apparently.”

“Ooooh,” Magnus says, his attention one hundred percent in the conversation now, he doesn’t even glance at Alec every few seconds. And everyone is looking at him now, expectant. “Tell us more, please, Simone.”

Ugh, but well, at least that is just the girl version of his name so that’s good enough, he guesses. “Uh, we’re fine, I guess,” Simon says around his cup of coffee.

“Uh no, that’s not good enough,” Magnus demands, outraged. “I want more details. More dramas. Romance. C’mon, Sabrina, tell us more.”

He rolls his eyes very loudly at the name calling, and gives in. “There’s not much to tell,” he says, “I met him online, and, uh, he doesn’t seem as interested in me. Or, at least, not as much as I’m interested in him.” Simon can tell that his voice has gone a little small.

He never really thinks about that. About whether Raphael has liked him back or not. Simon knows that he likes the boy quite a lot, he likes spending time with him, talking to him and seeing him smile that small, sweet smile that usually accompanied with a muttered ‘Idiota’ . The boy has seemed interested in him, though, or at least that’s what Simon thinks. For all that Simon knows, Raphael only liked him because Simons’s probably the only human he got to interact with for a decade . Simon would be grateful too if he was stuck for that long, and finally got to meet someone else.

His friends are being strangely quiet and Simon takes his eyes off the coffee cup to look up at them. They are all staring at him with odd expressions. Clary is frowning a litte and her lips are turning downward. “What?” he asks, slightly confused.

“Simon,” Izzy says softly, reaching a hand over to wrap around his. He remembers there were times where this would make his heart thumping loudly in his chest and his words stuttered and his face flushed hot. But that was in the past, he’s over his crush for her now, and he’s happy with that, with having her just as a friend, because Izzy is a great friend. He smiles at her, and she smiles back, soft and gentle. “We’re really sorry.”

Simon narrow his eyebrows. “Oh, no, it’s cool.” Is it? “I’m totally over it now.” Is he? “There are many other fishes in the sea, and all that, you know.” There are, but they’re not Raphael. Simon might thought he had a chance with him before, you know, but now he has to remind himself that the boy is no longer alive so even if he did a chance, they wouldn’t be able to make it work.

Simon was fine before this, you know. Not just before Izzy mentioned Raphael and reminded him of his feelings for the boy, along with everything he’s learnt about the boy. But way before that. Before, when his life was simple and normal, with no late night swims with mysterious dead boy in the woods.

“Hey,” Magnus says, taking Simon’s attention away from Izzy. “There are many other fishes in the sea, this Raphael is nothing. You’ll forget him in no time.”

“There are many other fishes in the sea,” Alec repeats, making everyone turns to him. “Then maybe Magnus should start flirting with someone else that is not me.”

Jace snickers, and then their table thumps, almost spilling everyone’s drink, and he yelps. “Hey, that’s not nice.” He is looking directly at Magnus, crouching down a bit to touch his legs.

“Do you also want to be called girl names for the rest of your existence too?” Magnus snapped, and Jace pouts, scooting closer to Alec for support. Alec pats his arm and glares at Magnus. The shop owner immediately melts as he’s got the attention of the boy. “Anyway, Siena, I have something to take your mind off your online crush.”

“How many girl names that start with S do you know, huh, Magnus?” Simon asks, narrowing his eyes at the shop owner.

“Uh, a lot. I mean, I didn’t look up girl names start with S for nothing, I knew I was going to put it into use soon, and you proved me right,” he says smugly, taking a long sip of his drink. Simon can’t help but roll his eyes, and he swear he can feel something behind his eyes popped, could be his brain cells dying from the amount of time he has to endure Magnus.

“Anyway, do you want to hear the story?” Magnus asks, turning in his chair to face Simon. Simon nods, deciding hey, what the hell, right? It could be some gross sex story because Magnus is kind of a slut, and Simon is not trying to slut shame him or anything, he’s just saying the guy’s had lots of sex and there were many stories to tell. Simon’s had to sit through a few of them in the past, and well, there are things that you just can’t unheard.

“Okay, gather around, children, I’m about to tell you a story,” Magnus starts, earning him a round of eye rolling from everyone. “So, do you know that lake in the woods?”

“Uh, no?” Clary answers, looking completely puzzled. Izzy, Jace and Alec agreed with her, which leaving only him and that earns him a lot of raised eyebrows from everyone.

“Um, I do?” Simon mumbles. “I mean, my dad used to take me there to teach me to swim when I was a kid. He wanted to take you to, Clary, but your mom didn’t let you go, afraid that it would make you catch something bad, so you never got to see it.”

“Oh, is that the one?” Clary perks up. “Yeah, I remember it, your dad tried to convince my mom to let me go, but she just wouldn’t. And we used to live in the next town over so it was kind of a long drive, and I used to get carsick a lot when I was young.”

Simon grins as he thinks back when she used to throw up a whole lot on their field trip bus ride.

“Oh, so Simon is the only one who knows about it?” Magnus asks, and everyone nods.

“Well,” Izzy cuts in, “we just moved here a few year ago, after Simon and Clary, and though we did do some exploring in the woods, we didn’t find any lake.”

Jace and Alec nod their head and hum their agreement with her.

“Oh, yeah,” Magnus says, nodding his head along. “That lake isn’t far in, but you do need to know where you’re going to get there. Well, anyway, back to my story.” Everyone around the table huddles in, like they’re kids at a campfire, listening to their camp leader telling a horror story.

“So, there’s a lake in the woods, right? There are many legend about it, one of which is my favorite. It starts up thousands of years ago, when a giant beast was created. It was rumoured to be a giant octopus or something of the kind, with many vicious tentacles and a giant body. It dominated the sea and sunk hundreds of ships that dare to set sail into its domain. After many years, many people died and the ones that managed to survive the beast’s attack, never dared to sail into the water again.” As Magnus tells the story, his hands are making wild gestures to describe what he’s saying, or just wiggling his fingers mysteriously to create more effect. “Then the Gods got involved.”

“Wait, who created this giant octopus or whatever, anyway?” Jace asks, narrowing his eyes.

“I’m getting there,” Magnus says, holding his hands up to stop anymore questions. “Okay, so the Gods got involved. It took them a long while but they finally figured out where the monster came from. Its creator was one of the Gods, the Sea God, to be exact. So the Sea God got punished for his action, but he saw the beast as his child, so instead of killing it like he was told, he hid it away somewhere. Or, to be more specific, he hid it in the lake inside the woods of this town.”

That earns a round of ‘ooooh’ from around the table, and everyone is engulfed in the story now, eyes wide and focused on Magnus as he goes on, “When the Sun God found out about this, he was enraged. But there was nothing he could do about this, he could not go into the lake and kill the beast because it was not his domain and he had no right to be there without the Sea God’s permission. So he made out a pact with the Sea God, that the beast could live at the lake, but if it ever showed its face in the Sun God’s domain--meaning every time when the Sun is still up in the sky--it would be burned to death. And--”

The story is interrupted by a barista--Kayla, her name tag reads--coming over to ask them if they need refill. Everybody groans because of her interruption, but shuts up when Magnus shoots them a displeased look--’she’s just doing her jobs, assholes,’ his eyes are saying--and thanks Kayla as she takes their glasses and goes to fill them up again. One perk of being friends with the owner: unlimited free refills.

The table is silent as they wait for Kayla to come back with their drink filled, and when she does, everybody takes their glasses happily and tells Magnus to continue. He rolls his eyes but leans over the table again, gesturing for the rest to follow. They huddle their heads in and listens intently.

“Okay, continue,” Magnus starts, rubbing his hands together as if he’s about to do some hard work with his hands--well, he is gesturing a lot, and wiggling your fingers can give you a strain or something that drastic. “So the Sea God, being pressured by the other Gods, agreed to this pact. He warned his child not to come out when the Sun is guarding over the sky, and the beast listened and kept itself hidden when the Sun was out.

“Then the town were being built, and people started to move in, and they’d go to the lake for camping, or swimming, or any other purpose. It was fine when they were going in the day, because the beast couldn’t come out to harm them. But there were always people who wanted a wild adventure, and decided that going for a night swim in the lake was a good idea. Then people started to go missing, and the Sea God knew exactly what took them. So one night, he came down the lake to talk to the beast and when it tried to charge for him, he knew it was dangerous and should not be allowed to roam free. So--”

This time, it’s a customer that interrupted them. Simon’s first thought is that she’s really pretty, with long dark hair pulled back in a lovely French braid, and then he notices her expression. She’s furious and clutching a glass of iced water in her hand. “Hey, Magnus,” she says sweetly, though her grin is anything but, it’s kinda wicked and really, really angry. “This is for being an asshole.”

Then before Simon can even register what she just said, she dumps the glass of water over Magnus’ head, then slams the empty glass down their table and walks off.

There a long moment of silence. Nobody says anything, nobody makes any moves. Then Clary, Izzy, Jace and Simon burst out in loud laughter, hunching over themselves to hug their stomach because it hurts to laugh this much. Alec only snickers behind his drink, but with Alec, that’s a full on ‘roll on the floor laughing’ moment.

Magnus watches them sullenly, pursing his lips and crossing his arms over his chest. He rolls his eyes at them and stands up suddenly, then goes to the back to get clean up.

They’re still laughing a bit when he comes back, in different, dry clothes and new face make up--that's actually really fast, Simon thinks he was only gone for a few minutes, but Magnus always has some kind of magic power to him. Magnus went for black eye shadow this time, and it fits the expression he’s having.

“Are you quite done?” he asks indignantly. And it takes them a few more minute to actually quiet down.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, dude, but what was that? Who was she?” Jace asks, still snickering a little.

“She’s a friend, _Jasmine_ , ” Magnus hissed through his teeth and Jace’s laughter dies off completely. The younger boy now has a sullen look on his face as he scoots closer to Alec, asking for help.

Alec only raises an eyebrow, patting his friend on the arm comfortingly. “What did you do to her to make her do all,” he waves his hand in Magnus’ general direction, “that.”

“I may or may not have told her boyfriend some very unkind things about her which lead to him breaking up with her,” Magnus says, crossing his arms over his chest. “But how did she even know it was me? I was being very discreet.”

“I bet you were,” Alec replies, raising his eyebrow at Magnus.

“Okay, alright, please don’t eyefuck each other when there’s people around,” Simon cuts in, waving his hand between them, making them both tear their eyes away from each other. Magnus is turning to him, a bit angry with him for cutting through their moment, Alec is ducking his head and hide behind his drink but Simon can see the little blush taking place on his face. “Okay, now, please continue your story.”

Clary and Izzy agree with him, and signal for Magnus to continue. Jace has detached himself from Alec side and huddles close to the table. In a flash, they’re back like they were just moments ago.

“Alright, where was I?” Magnus says, thinking.

“The giant beast was killing people at night and the Sea God had to lock it away,” Simon offers helpfully.

“Ah, yeah. Alright. So the Sea God locked the beast deep, deep underneath the depth of the lake, inside a magic cage,” Magnus starts again, hands are up and ready for gesturing. “But he couldn’t watch over the cage all the time, he had many things to do, many places to watch over, so over time, the lock on the cage worn out and the beast escaped. It started killing again, pulling anyone who dared to roam into the water at night down deep under the water. The Sea God came one night, when he was free from his duty, to visit his child, and saw that the beast was not in its cage. He found it on the far side of the lake, in the process of pulling a young boy down with its tentacle.

“The Sea God was furious, he surged forward and pushed the beast back into its cage, locking the door again. But he wasn’t fast enough to help the young boy,  he was dead when the God reached him, but his spirit still hadn’t left his body, so the Sea God made the boy alive again, and made him into a keeper, to watch over his child and make sure the cage door stay locked. The boy was happy to be alive again, but he couldn’t leave the lake. He was stuck there for all eternity to watch over the giant beast, to make sure it didn’t escape and harmed more people.”

Simon widens his eyes as he listens to Magnus finishes off his story. What he just said, that sounds… familiar. Just like the thing with Raphael. The boy also drowned at the lake, and he was stuck there.

Magnus sits back on his chair, taking a sip off his drink. “This is just a legend. But there is a lot of warnings against the lake, but since you didn’t born here like I did, you don’t know much about it, and over the years, the warnings died down.” Magnus pauses, watching his drink swirl around in the glass intently. “Ten years or so ago, a boy was assumed to have drowned there, in the lake,” Magnus says thoughtfully. “His body wasn’t found, just like any other victims who were assumed to have drowned there. But no one else died or went missing after him, so the warning against the lake is still there, it’s just not as well known like it used to be anymore.”

“Oh, do you think the beast drowned that boy?” Clary asks keenly, putting her chin on her hand as she looks at Magnus.

Magnus shrugs. “Could be. It wasn’t just him that died at that lake, though, like I said, many people did. And the ones that came back from that lake alive always told the same exact story: something pulled their legs and made creepy, terrifying noise under the water,” Magnus says thoughtfully. “So yeah, maybe the boy was drowned by the beast, and since then he was guarding the place, scaring people away so the beast couldn’t harm them. Or something like that.”

Everybody hums noncommittally at that. And Simon, well, Simon is trying not to have some weird panic attack right now because, holy shit. Could it be? Could Raphael be drowned by a giant beast and the only reason he’s stuck there is because he’s guarding the place? That sounds completely insane but hey, Simon just found out the boy was dead but he’s somehow still there, still solid and not dead. So yeah, everything is possible now.

“Did you, uh, did you know him?” Simon asks quietly, and Magnus immediately turns to him, eyes narrowing a bit. “The boy, I mean, that died at the lake. Did you know him?”

Magnus turns to stare at the wall opposite from him and hums airily. “I did, actually. His name was Raphael, like Simon's online crush," Magnus points out as if he just realizes this, and Simon tries to keep his face as blank as possible. "His house was close to mine so we used to hang out a lot. He was a great kid, you know, kind and loyal, though sometimes he could be very arrogant,” Magnus smiles morosely. “It was a real tragic, what happened to him. He had his entire life in front of him and everything.”

A silence drapes over their table, and it’s heavy and nerve cracking. Simon doesn’t pay much attention to it, though, his mind is deep on what Magnus just said. Magnus knew Raphael, when the boy was still alive and happy. Simon doesn’t know what to do with that information. He wants to ask Magnus more about Raphael, he wants to know everything there is to know about the boy, when he was alive. It almost chokes him a sob out of him just because of how much he wants to know Raphael.

He keeps his silent, though, and Magnus suddenly turns to him, pulling him out of his head. “Is that all, Spencer? I thought you’d have a lot more questions when I told you that story. I mean, there’s a giant beast and all,” he says quizzically.

Magnus is looking at him expectantly, and he’s back with the boy names. So Simon probably should say something. He just doesn’t know what he’s going to say.

Simon shakes himself, feeling everyone’s eyes on him now. He casts a look around the table, everyone is expecting him to spew out questions like he always does, but… he doesn’t have any now.

He looks at his friend one more time, seeing the waiting looks on their faces, and thinks that, yeah, this is as great as any other time to just tell them.

“Uh, I have been to the lake,” Simon mumbles, so quietly that he’s not quite sure that his friends heard him or not.

“Yeah, you told us, you went when you were a kid, right?” Clary asks, tilting her head down to meet his downward gaze.

“Uh, yeah, I went there when I was a kid, but, that’s not what I meant,” Simon explains, feeling his voice rising up a bit, over the whisper range. “What I was trying to say was, I have been there, every night, this week. Well, except for last night.”

Clary reaches to take his hand. “Is that where you went the other night?” she asks quietly, and oh, yeah, he almost forgot that she saw him.

Simon nods his head, feeling a bit guilty. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t tell you,” he muttered, fidgeting with the loose thread on his jeans. “I thought you’d think it was unhealthy of me to keep going to the place I had one of my last memories with my dad, but I swear to you, I didn’t go there because of him.”

“Why didn’t you come to me, then?” she says, and fuck, he just makes her upset again, and Simon feels like such an asshole.

“Clary, I wanted to come to you, but--” God, how does he say this without making her out to be the bad guy here? “You know, you were at Izzy and I didn’t want to bother you. So I just went to the woods and ended up at the lake. I didn’t come into the water, not at first anyway. I stayed on the shore and just, you know… talked to myself.”

Simon keeps his head down because he doesn’t want to look at his friends’ judging faces. Simon knows he’s weird, he knows talking to yourself is weird, and--

“Hey, man, it’s okay, I talk to myself, too,” Jace is saying, and Simon looks up to see the boys is smiling brightly at him. “Alec does it too, sometimes. Everybody does it, it’s just a way to let out your feelings, you know.”

“Yeah,” Simon replies, a smile sneaking its way to his face. He can’t believe he doubted his friends. They’re all smiling at him kindly and nodding along. “Anyway, I have gone there for a while now, I just sat on the shore and talked. I just got into the water earlier this week, ‘cause you know, I was afraid some bad thing might be lurking underneath it.”

Magnus is staring at him with an odd expression on his face, like he’s trying to read something ineligible on Simon’s face. Simon wants to ask him what’s wrong but Izzy cuts in.

“Hey, maybe we could come with you sometimes,” Izzy suggests cheerfully, breaking Magnus’ eyes away from him. “You know, for a night swim at the lake, it sounds like a lot of fun. Actually we could do it tonight, I’m free tonight.”

A chorus of ‘me too’s and ‘yeah sure’s ring around the table, except for Magnus, of course, who is still keeping his quiet and a strange look on his face.

And, no, that doesn’t sound good. He has to help Raphael and he certainly cannot do that with his friends there. “No, we couldn’t,” he says a little too fast.

“Why?” Clary questions, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Because we have school tomorrow and all, you know. And I have some homework due tomorrow so I need to start working on it.” Simon pats himself on the back for saying all that with an even, not wavering voice.

“Oh, you mean your haunted hospitals homework?” Clary raises an eyebrow at him as Jace snickers, “What?”

Simon groans. “Ugh, fine. It wasn’t for homework. I looked that shit up for fun and giggles, okay?” And he doesn’t know if it’s sad or not that they don’t even bother asking him more, just nodding their head in acceptance. And yeah, how could he forget that all his friends know how weird he is, that there were just times where he’d look up dumb, crazy shit online because he was bored. Gosh, he could’ve just told Clary this and avoided the awkward car ride.

“Okay, then, if you have things to do, maybe we could go some other night, then,” Izzy offers, and he mumbles an ‘okay’. Well, that’s better at least, maybe they’ll forget all about this tomorrow.

Their conversation changes to where to go next, and there’s lots of words and argument from everyone (the girls want to go shopping as there’s some big sale going on, and the boys want to go anywhere but just that). In the end, they decide to split into two groups, the girls can go do all the shopping that they want, and the boys can venture on around the mall, and later they’d meet again at the fountain on the first floor to go eat or something.

As they’re making to leave, bidding their goodbye to Magnus, the man catches Simon’s arm and says in a hurried tone, “Uh, Simon, I need to speak with you for a minute.” Simon stares at him with a questioning look, and the shop owner goes on, “Stan has some new recipe for a coffee that he wants to show you.”

Simon looks over the counter. “But Stan’s not working today,” he says uncertainly.

“Yeah, he isn’t. But he told me the recipe and I can make it for you. Hurry now, you guys can go ahead, he’ll catch up with you in a bit.” Magnus makes a shooing gesture for Jace and Alec, and ushers Simon into the back of the shop.

It’s great actually, he didn’t know Stan had some special recipe for him, God, he gotta buy that guy some present or something. Simon is really looking forward to taste Stan’s new recipe, that dude can really make a good coffee even if he’s not trying. “Okay, can you make the coffee to go, I really want to go see the new shops on the third floor,” Simon says, swirling around to face the shop owner, only to see he’s rolling his eyes at him.

“Oh my God, you idiot, there’s no coffee, I made that up so that we could talk,” he snapped, and Simon feels slightly offended. He cannot believe Magnus would fool him like that, making up things about coffee from Stan and hurting his pride like this.

“Okay, fine, what do you want to talk about?” Simon says sulkily.

“The lake.”

“Okay, what about it?”

“Did you see anything there?” Magnus’ voice has gone from even to a slight bit alarmed.

“No?” Simon draws.

“You don’t sound so certain.”

“Well, the only thing I saw was nature, okay?” Simon moves his eyes from Magnus face and to one of the shelves beside him. He thinks that ‘I met a boy who I lied about meeting online, who also is dead, by the way, and I might have a moon-sized crush on him and I’m going to help him go see the light or whatever’ doesn’t sound like something a sane person would say.

Magnus rolls his eyes. “I mean anything alive, as in, say... a person,” he inquires, leaning a bit too close to Simon’s face.

“Uh, no?” Simon tries again, and Magnus is staring bullets at him, and it’s freaking Simon the fuck out. Magnus just stands there, hovering over Simon, not saying anything, not moving a muscle, and Simon doesn’t even dare to breathe. Magnus looks like he’s reading Simon’s mind, trying to figure out the floods of thoughts rushing through his mind right now.

“Simon,” Magnus says suddenly, and the way he’s putting so much emphasis on Simon’s name is just unnerving. “Look at me straight in the eye and answer me clearly. Did you, or did you not see anyone else at the lake?”

Simon stares back at Magnus, and takes in a deep breath. “I didn’t see anyone” _alive_ “there,” Simon grits out, and he’s pretty proud of how even his voice sounds.

The shop owner narrows his eyes at Simon for a bit, then leans back, sighing amply. “Alright,” he says lowly, and steps aside so Simon can leave the backroom.

When Simon reaches for the door handle, Magnus speaks up again. “Simon, if you did see someone at the lake, I hope you can keep it a secret,” he says impassively. “Especially from your friends.”

Simon turns his head to look at the man, who is leaning against one of the shelf, eyes focused on his feet scrubbing against the floor. What does he mean by that? It’s not like he’s going to tell anyone anyway, but why can’t he tell his friends? Why _especially_ not them? Surely, they’d think he’d gone mad, but they’d understand if he took them to meet Raphael--not that he ever would, but still. What did Magnus mean by that?

Simon waits for him to elaborate, but Magnus doesn’t look up, doesn’t explain anything more, just standing there with his hands in his pockets and his face unreadable.

“Okay,” Simon says after a moment, feeling so confused. “Bye, Magnus.”

Then he walks out, head loaded with thoughts of _why_ and _what_ and _does Magnus know?_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just realized I fucked up. apparently, Rebecca's nickname is Becky, not Becca, but I somehow my brain changed it, and yeah, there it is, my mistake. I probably won't fix it back, because I kinda like it, and well, it's too far in now, just gotta go with it. Anyway, if you see anything else like this, or if I went too far with something in my fic (please keep in mind that I've never read the books and probably never will), don't be hesitate to tell me, I will try and fix it.

When Simon gets home later that day, he finds his sister sitting on his bed, reading something he’s printed out the date before. He doesn’t say anything, or make any sound to let her know he’s home, he’s just standing at the entrance to his room and looks around his room.

He didn’t get a good look at it much this morning when Clary’d woken him up, he was too busy getting ready and running downstairs to Clary’s yelling. But now that he gets the chance, he really didn’t expect it to be this bad.

His room looks like a tornado went through it and this is the result. There are paper all over the place, some on the bed, a pile on his desk and there are sticky notes with some illegible writings all over his laptop screen. The hell did he do last night, Jesus.

Becca finally notices him standing, and gaping quite a lot, at the door. She beckons him to come in, face amused. “Hey, Simon, can you please explain to me what this is?” she asks as she’s holding up a piece of paper about some ghost sighting in an abandoned warehouse.

“I was bored?” he replies uncertainly.

“Ah, okay.” She puts the paper aside and turns her body to him and yeah, it’s pretty much a universal knowledge that he’s weird now. “About our talk--”

“Ugh, Becca, can we do this another time? I’m really tired right now, and I gotta clean my room up.” He gestures his hands wildly around the room, in case she hasn’t noticed all the papers.

“Uh-uh, we held it back long enough, Simon. You can either talk on your on, or I can beat the answer out of you,” she demands as she holds up his pillow. To someone else, that may not seem like a threat, but he knows his sister, he knows how scary she can be with a pillow as her weapon.

So he sighs exaggeratedly at her and begins to tell her everything,  from the first day he went to the lake, to this present day. He leaves out the meeting a random guy at the lake who may or may not be a spirit guarding that place, or you know, just a spirit in general, Simon doesn’t really know anymore. Because all that, even to someone as weird as he is, it sounds a quite bit insane.

“Okay,” Becca draws out, nodding her head as she thinks about his whole story. “So you went to the lake because you were upset, and you talked to yourself. After a while, you started getting in the water and swimming around, still talking to yourself, but like, in the water. Did I get all of it?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Simon mumbles as he goes around his room, picking papers from the floor and piling them up on his desk.

“Hmm,” Becca says blankly. Simon turns back at her, she’s leaning back on her hands, head tilted up to the ceiling deep in thoughts. “Is that all that happened?”

Simon sort of wants to tell her about Raphael, he really does, but there's a chance where she’d tell mom and that would probably earn him a nice one-way trip to the closest mental hospital. That and the fact that Magnus’ vague warning from earlier still kind of spooks him a little. “Uh, yeah, that’s all that happened.”

“What happened on Friday night then?” Becca asks warily, voice rising up a little.

Simon turns stop sorting out the papers and turns to her. “What do you mean?” he asks carefully. Becca stares at him, face weirdly blank as she tries to read his emotion.

Becca shrugs. “Something must have happened, right?” she inquires lightly. “I mean, Clary said you looked upset when you walked home, and you did go home much earlier than usual, so…”

“Nothing happened, Rebecca,” Simon says a little too quickly, and Becca narrows her eyes. Simon turns his back to her, busying himself with cleaning up his desk, and then clear his throat, and says, “I mean, I just went out for an earlier swim and when I was bored of it, I went home. Nothing happened.”

“Really?” she asks incredulously behind him. “Nothing at all?”

“Yes, Becca, nothing at all,” he assures her again.

“Alright,” she says nonchalantly, though her tone still sounds a bit unconvinced. “I won’t tell mom about your nightly venture, so don’t worry about that.”

Simon hears his sister standing up and walking to his door. He turns to look at her, leaning his lower body against the edge of the desk.

She lingers at the door, eyeing him for a moment, then grins solicitously and says, “Simon, just--don’t get yourself hurt or anything, okay?”

The only thing Simon knows to do now is smiling crookedly at her, hoping it would somehow shoo all the worry out of her expression. “Yeah, I know,” he tells her softly. “Thanks, sis.”

Becca’s smile widens a bit, but it still has a little worried tone to it. She doesn’t say anything back, just reaches out and ruffles his hair before turning to leave, closing the door behind her.

Simon sighs triumphantly, feeling so tired all of a sudden. He almost decided not going to the lake tonight, but thinks again because there are just so many things he has to ask Raphael, and he wouldn’t be able to sleep without getting his answers.

He stares at the papers on his bed, probably useless now that there are new information, new possibility about Raphael. He quickly pushes them into a neat pile and goes for a brisk shower, maybe it will help clear his mind for a bit, hopefully.

***

Simon lies on his bed and waits for his family to fall asleep, staring up at the darkness that has taken over his room.

When his mom’s bedroom door clicks shut, Simon waits a few more minutes before climbing out of bed, taking his bag on his desk chair that he’s put all the stuff he needs in earlier, and goes to the window.

He’s about halfway down, when his sister pokes her head out of her window just meters away from him, pointing the her phone light at him, and glares.

“You’re going again tonight?” she asks a bit too loudly, and Simon winces. Becca quickly realizes it, shifting her eyes around to listen for their mom. Simon takes this chance to climb down the remaining distant to the ground and lands with a soft thump.

“Yeah, I’ll  be back in a few hours, don’t wait up,” he yells back up to her, quietly but still loud enough for her to hear it.

She rolls her eyes and retreats back inside, still leaving her window opened.  He grins up the dark room, and then jogs hurriedly to the woods.

Raphael isn’t there when Simon reaches the lake. The air is a little chilly tonight, the wind a bit more sharp, cutting through the leaves overhead and making them rustle.

Simon shoves his hand in the pockets of his hoodie and walks silently to the end of the short pier.

God, now he’s here, he’s not exactly sure what he’s going to do next, he didn’t quite plan this far ahead. Well, he guesses he just has to swing it now. Simon takes a deep breathe in and calls out Raphael’s name, as loud as his body will allow him.

The call echoing through the quiet woods, carrying by the wind and hitting against the tree trunk around the lake. But nothing else happens. Raphael doesn’t appear as fast as he usually did, and Simon feels his heart clenched for a short moment.

In that moment of silent, listening to the wind playing around the woods, messing up the leaves, Simon wonders if Raphael had heard him on Friday night. If he was a ghost, he’d probably just, like, disappear or something and leave Simon on the pier alone, talking for hours, and not saying a word back. If Raphael was some kind of guardian over a giant beast underneath the lake, then he’d probably hide under the dark depths and just ignore Simon completely.

Simon doesn’t know which one hurts more, but either way, he’s not going to give up that easily this time. He will stand here and scream his throat out if he has to, he won’t stop until he sees Raphael.

“Raphael!” he calls out again, cupping his hands around his mouth. “I know you’re there.”

A few moments passes but still, nothing happens. Simon grunts angrily and calls out again, “Raphael! I know about you! You don’t have to hide from me anymore!”

Simon expected it, he really did, but somehow, when Raphael appears suddenly from the water, it startles him so hard he almost falls back on his ass. “Jesus, give a guy some warning, will ya,” he sputters.

Simon stares at Raphael and oh, fuck, he’s not going to cry right now. Simon almost forgot how much he’d missed Raphael, and seeing him now, hesitant and gorgeous under the night sky, it all comes back to him in vigorous waves.

Simon doesn’t say anything, just stand there at the end of the pier, unmoving and just stares, just tries to take in all of Raphael that his eyes can see. And Raphael is a few meters away, floating in one place and he doesn’t say anything too, doesn’t try to break their silence or gaze.

The silence goes on for a moment or two, heavy but not unwelcome.

“Are you going to say anything?” Raphael is the one to break the silence, voice uncertain. He is swimming carefully towards Simon, and Simon suddenly finds back his voice.

“Are you dead?” And welps, he guesses that’s it then, no beating around the bush or whatever, just blurting out the first thing on his mind.

Raphael looks slightly taken aback, stopping in his movement and narrowing his eyes at Simon. “You said you know about me,” he says firmly. “Why don’t you tell me what you know.”

It isn’t a question, the way Raphael says it, it sounds more like a request, like an order that Simon has to obey. Simon swallows hard.

“I talked to your brother, Zach, yesterday, and--” he starts and is quickly interrupted by Raphael.

“You talked to Zachary?” Raphael says, swimming hastily forward, stopping just right under Simon. His eyes has gone wide and bright with interest. Right. Simon almost forgot this boy in front of his eyes hasn’t got to see his whole family for over a decade now.

“Yeah, I did,” Simon answers.

“Did you tell him about me?” Raphael asks hastily, hands come up to grip the wooden board of the pier. He’s leaning his upper body forward, making it look like he’s going to come up, but he just stays there, staring expectantly at Simon, and Simon swallows again.

“Uh, no,” he says, scratching the back of his neck. “I, uh, didn’t know he was talking about you at the moment. He told me about his dead brother, and I didn’t make the connection until I came home later and checked online. Besides, even if I had known it was you, I wouldn’t have told him, he would’ve thought I was crazy or something.”

Raphael hums relievedly, and then lets go of the board. Simon thinks he’s going to swim away or something, but instead, Raphael climbs up the pier, standing right in front of Simon.

Simon is shocked into silence by the other boy’s action and his eyes go wide as he scans the body of the boy in front of him. And seriously, Simon doesn’t know what he’s expected, but this, this is just too much, because here Simon stands, gaping and eyes wide as if they’re going bulge out of his head any seconds, and there Raphael stands, pale and stunning and just plain _gorgeous_ under the moonlight and, this is the great part here, _completely naked._

Simon might have passed out for a while there because that is just a lot for his tiny, teenage brain to take in. He only comes back when Raphael snaps his fingers in front of his face, saying, “Simon, are you still there?”

Simon blinks a few times, shifting his eyes awkwardly to anywhere but Raphael, feeling the heat rushing to his cheek. “Um, yeah. Yeah, I’m still here,” he sputters out like an idiot. Simon can _feel_ Raphael raising an eyebrow at him, which makes Simon adds very intelligently, “You’re, um, naked.”

Simon glances briefly at Raphael’s face, and the boy rolls his eyes at him. “Really, Simon,” he says, voice light. “That’s the thing you choose to focus on right now?”

Simon feels his cheeks heat up, and he takes off his bag, rummaging through it. He takes out a towel and offers it to Raphael. The boy takes it with a raised eyebrow and wraps it around his body. And, nope, still not okay.

Really, Simon doesn’t know what his brain has thought would happen. Probably not this. Because seeing Raphael wrapping in a towel, body dripping wet is like a porn comes to real life, and that is just _not okay._ Simon rummages through his bag again.

“You know what,” Simon exclaims when he comes up empty. “Wait here, I need to go get something.” Raphael frowns at him, and Simon adds, “I’ll be quick, I promise.” And then he throws the bag down the pier, taking his phone with him, and runs off, not waiting for an answer from the other boy.

Simon comes to a stop under Becca’s window and has to double over to catch his breath. He has ran all the way back home, not stopping once, and he would’ve regret doing that if it hadn’t helped clear his head off _those_ images.

He uses his phone to call Becca, still trying to catch his breath. She picks up after the fifth ring or so.

“What? I’m trying to sleep,” she grunts severely.

“I need you to go to my room and get me a swim trunks from the bottom drawer of my dresser and throw it down my window.”

“Go get it yourself!” Becca yells into the phone, and Simon shifts his eyes around to see if anyone heard that. God, he hopes she didn’t accidentally wake up their mom or something, because that would be bad.

“I would, but that means I have to climb up and down the window again, and I just ran all the way home so, please, Becca. Just help me this one time, okay, I owe you.”

Becca pokes her head out of her window and looks down at him with a deep frown on her face. She doesn’t look like she just woke up or anything, but Simon opts to not commenting on that. Becca stares at him for a second or two before retreating back inside, and Simon hears a huff over the phone, and a moment later, she throws the swim trunks down from his own window.

“What do you need another swim trunks for? Aren’t you already wearing one?” she asks over the phone, after Simon is done picking the swim trunks out of the bush.

“Oh,” Simon says, looking down at himself. Shit. What is he going to say to her now?

As it turns out, he doesn’t need too, because Becca huffs loudly again. “You can think up an excuse for me tomorrow, kid. But now, I need to sleep,” she says as she retreating back to her room. Simon quietly thanks the Lord for his sister. He also thanks Becca and bids her a goodnight before running back to the woods.

Raphael isn’t on the pier anymore, which sort of scares Simon for a bit, but he calms down when he sees the boy floating on his back in the water, the towel left in a damp heap on the pier.

Simon throws the swim trunks down for him, and the boy blinks at him before putting it on in the water. “Did you go home?” he asks, swimming closer to the pier. Simon steps aside to leave room for him to come up.

“Yeah,” Simon replies, picking up his towel and pushing it back into the bag. When he looks up again, Raphael is standing in front of him.

Now that he’s clothed, and Simon’s brain isn’t on the verge of exploding anymore, Simon takes a good look at the other boy. Raphael is actually a little bit shorter than Simon, and his body is strong and well muscled, and he looks absolutely hot in Simon’s swim trunks.

Simon tries not to think too much about that, though, and instead, he tries and focus on the matter at hand. “So,” Simon starts, “are you a ghost?”

Raphael laughs lightly, and Simon feels himself blushed, because, what? It’s a totally valid question. In this situation, at least.

“No, I’m not a ghost,” Raphael answers, shaking his head a little.

“What are you, then?” Simon inquires, “because, according to your brother, and many other news articles, you’ve been dead for ten years. And, well, you’re still here. Not quite dead.”

“Close your eyes,” Raphael says suddenly, and Simon blinks.

“Why?”

“Just do it, Simon.” And Simon obeys. He closes his eyes and waits. Nothing happens, or at least, nothing that he can feel with his other senses. He doesn’t feel Raphael moving, he doesn’t hear him saying anything. He just stands there and keeps his eyes closed until Raphael says in a hushed tone of voice that he can open them again.

When he does, Simon’s breath catches in his throat. The boy in front of him has changed, and he has changed a lot.

Raphael’s mouth is hanging open, just slightly, showing Simon his fangs, sharp, pointy fangs, like vampire--which, fuck, Simon hasn’t even considered the other boy being a vampire at all. And, well, it’s good that he hasn’t, because the next thing he sees completely disprove that idea. The other boy also has gills, spreading neatly on the both sides of his neck, close to his collarbones. He’s also holding his hands up, and Simon can see his webbed fingers and long, sharp nails.

Fuck, how did not notice all of these things about Raphael? But, well, a moment ago, Simon is fairly certain the boy did not have all these things. He probably hid it from Simon with some kind of water based magic.

Simon looks up at Raphael’s eyes when the boy cough lightly, dropping his hands and subtly hiding them behind him.

“So,” Simon starts again, thinking. “You’re a fish ghost?”

“ _Dios mío_ , Simon, I’m not a ghost, not of any kind, okay?” Raphael retorts frustratingly. “I’m a, uh. I am a Keeper.”

“A Keeper?”

“Yes,” Raphael says weakly, and Simon notices he’s gone a little paler than just moments ago. “Um, can we sit down? I need to be close to water.” He doesn’t wait for Simon to answer, just goes to sit down the pier, letting his legs hang over the edge, feet disappearing under the water.

Simon hears the boy sighs out contentedly, like he’s getting his mojo back, and Simon follows him, taking off his shoes and putting them down neatly besides his bag, and sits down next to Raphael.

“Why do you need to be close to water?” Simon asks carefully, keeping his voice light and nonchalant.

Raphael swirls his legs around faintly under water, making it stir. “I need it for my, uh, power, I guess you could say,” he explains, keeping his eyes down his legs. “Water gives me energy to cover all my,” he waves a hand over his body, “things.”

Simon stares at him curiously, and his eyes widen when the gills on Raphael’s neck slowly fading away into nothingness, like something is erasing them out of existence and replacing it with smooth, pale skin. Raphael turns to him, smiling morosely.

“I guess you’d like me better like this,” he muses quietly.

Simon hastily shakes his head. “I like you as you are,” Simon says hurriedly. “You can leave them on, if you like. I don’t mind.” Raphael eyes him, and his smile becomes a little brighter.

“Thanks, Simon,” the boy says. His gills come back into view again, clear and peculiar, and Raphael sighs relievedly.

“So, what’s a Keeper?” Simon asks after a moment, and Raphael turns back to his feet, still stirring lightly under the water.

“How much do you know about me?” Raphael asks, narrowing his eyes a little. “You said you know about me, and you talked to my brother. Is me being dead is all you know?”

“Um, actually, no,” Simon says thoughtfully. “There’s a story. About the lake. My friend told me about it, and he said something about people dying here and becoming some kind of guard over a giant beast. But, um, he said it was just a legend… Is it?”

Raphael chuckles lightly. “No, Simon, it’s not just a legend,” he says. “How did your friend know about this story and you didn’t?”

“Oh, well, apparently, only the people who’s lived in this town all their lives know about it,” Simon says, shrugging. “I only moved here from the next town over a few years back, so I didn’t get to hear about it until this morning. I only know of this lake because my dad used to drive me and my sister over here when we were kids, and taught us how to swim.”

“Hmm,” Raphael hums. “Yeah, I heard you talked about it a while back.”

“Oh, right,” Simon quips, “I forgot you were all creepy and listening to me talking to myself before I jumped into the lake.”

Raphael knocks his shoulder into Simon and chuckles brightly. Simon can’t help a smile of his own. “I wasn’t creepy. I was bored, and you seemed interesting enough at the time.”

“At the time? Excuse you, I’m interesting all of the times.”

Raphael chuckles again, and flicks some water on him with his feet. Simon returns the favor with his hand, making the boy squawk. “Okay, alright,” Raphael laughs, “I give up. You are very interesting and I definitely listen to everything you say all of the times.”

Simon knows the boy’s mocking him but he doesn’t care, because Raphael is smiling again, all happy and bright, and Simon thinks back to the picture of the boy on his laptop screen, and now, they match. “Anyway,” Simon exclaims, clearing his throat a bit, and turns his eyes down to the water. “You were telling me what a Keeper is?”

“Right,” Raphael says thoughtfully. “If you know about the legend then I don’t have to tell you again. It’s basically the same. I died here ten years ago, drowned by a giant squid, he’s act--”

“You were drowned by a giant squid?” And Simon doesn’t know why he’s so surprised by this. Magnus already told him about a giant monster, but just hearing it from Raphael, in that casual tone, it’s just, it’s really weird, okay.

“Yeah, his name is Arkstar, actually,” Raphael says, casually, and Simon wants to jump in excitement, because God, there’s a giant squid under the lake, and his name is Arkstar. How crazy slash awesome is all of this?

“And _Arkstar_ is under the water right now?” Simon asks keenly.

Raphael chuckles at his interest in the giant beast. “Yeah,” Raphael replies brightly. “Don’t worry, though, he’s in a cage so he can’t hurt anyone. I don’t think he even wants to anymore.”

“Really?” Simon pipes up, turning his body to Raphael. “Who put him there? In the cage, I mean. And what do you mean by that? Did you make friends with him? Are you watching over him? Wait you’re saying you’re a Keeper so...”

Simon goes on and on with all kinds of questions for a little while, and Raphael answers each on patiently, eyes shining as he looks at Simon.

“Wow,” Simon breaths, looking up to the Moon--with the capital letter, because holy shit, the Moon is a Goddess, instead of a God like the Sea God in Magnus’ story, and Arkstar, the giant squid being locked under the water, is her son. The Moon is hiding behind flocks of clouds tonight, faded and unclear, and there is probably a glowing human-shaped Goddess up there right now, looking back down at them. “So she only comes down once in a while to talk to you?”

“Yeah,” Raphael answers nonchalantly, mirroring Simon’s action. “She comes on the anniversary of the day I died, that is like a permanent schedule in her calendar or something. Some other years she’d come when she could, but that doesn’t happen much. Apparently, being the Moon means you’re busy most of the time.”

“That’s so cool, man,” Simon chuckles excitedly. He’s learned so many things today, from talking corals and fishes, to the Goddess of the Moon. Simon suddenly feels small, under the Moon’s eyes, like he’s just a dust in this big, big world.

“Yeah,” Raphael says again, turning his head to look at Simon. Simon turns to look at him too, and his breath catches in his throat.

Raphael is so close to him right now. His face is just _right there,_ and it’s just _so fucking close._ And he is so beautiful, and Simon is leaning in and he can’t stop himself, it’s like gravity is pulling him towards this boy. Simon lets his eyes fall close and his lips faintly touching the other boy’s soft ones.

And maybe it’s because it’s all happening so fast, or something else that Simon really doesn’t want to think about, because Raphael goes rigid under his touch, and a hand is on his chest, jagged and corrugated on his skin, pushing him away.

Simon lets it, he leans back slowly and feels his heart clenched. God, he’s an idiot. What have he done? They were going so great and he had to let his dick took over his brain and leaned in to fucking _kiss_ the other boy. Now they’re going to be so awkward, and Raphael would probably never want to see him again.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, standing up. But Raphael is faster than him, catching his wrist and pulling him down again, and Simon looks at him. Raphael’s face is intense, his eyebrows are frowning together but he doesn’t seem pissed or like he’s going to punch Simon for kissing him out of the blue like he did. Instead, he looks… conflicted, like he’s trying to solve the riddle of the century and the answer is somewhere on Simon’s face.

“Simon,” Raphael breaths quietly, and Simon winces. He doesn’t want to hear it, whatever Raphael has to say. It’s probably about how Raphael doesn’t like him back, or how they should just stop seeing each other every night, or how Simon should leave right the fuck now.

“Look, you don’t have to say it. I know it’s a mistake, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. And I’m gonna go, right now. You don’t have to ask me to,” Simon says in one breath, trying to wrench his hand free, but the other boy only tightens his grip and stares at him with those beautiful coffee eyes. Simon has to look away.

“Simon,” Raphael says again, more firm this time and Simon sticks his lips between his teeth, stopping himself from more ranting. “I’m not going to ask you to leave.”

“You’re not?” Simon asks tentatively, daring a look at Raphael. The boy shakes his head. “But you didn’t kiss me back.”

“I was surprised,” Raphael shrugs, letting go of his hand now that he’s sure Simon’s not going to bolt.

“So if I give a warning first, you’ll kiss me back?” Simon asks hopefully, a nervous smile on his face.

“No, Simon.” And the smile disappears from Simon’s face as he turns away from the boy again, ignoring the stinging feeling behind his eyes. “I mean… I can’t.”

Simon perks his head up, narrowing his eyes at the boy. “Why not?”

“Simon, I--” Raphael pauses, “I’m not… like you anymore. I’m dead, and stuck in this lake, keeping watch over a giant squid. You deserve so much better than me.”

“What?” Simon says, nonplussed. “Raph, no, I don’t--I like you because you’re, you know, you. The fact that you’re dead or stuck here forever doesn’t make me like you any less. I knew you were all that, but I still kissed you, didn’t I? I don’t care what you are Raphael. I just… like you. A lot.”

“No, Simon, you don’t understand,” Raphael quips, frustrated. “I--”

“No, you’re the one who doesn’t understand,” Simon interrupts in, trying to keep his voice calm. “Raphael, I like you. You, all of you, all gills and fangs and,” Simon gestures his hands wildly all over Raphael, “everything. Isn’t that enough?”

“But, I’m--”

“No buts. Raph, why don’t you let _me_ decide what I deserve, okay?” Simon raises an eager eyebrow at Raphael. The boy stares at him for a moment before nodding. “Can I, uh, kiss you now?” Raphael chuckles gently and nods again.

Simon leans in, slower this time, closing his eyes, feeling his heart lift when his lips touch the other boy’s. It’s awkward, at first, because Raphael still isn’t participating, but then the boy’s lips move slightly against his own, opening a little and grants him entrance. Simon sweeps his tongue over the boy’s lower lips, feeling him shudder slightly, and Simon cups Raphael’s cheek with one hand, and the boy leans into the kiss even more.

It’s sweet, and slow, and just _perfect._ But sadly, it can’t go on forever because Simon needs to breathe, so he pulls back hesitantly, his hand still cupping the other boy’s cheek, and Simon doesn’t mind having to pull away because the sight in front of him now is magnificent.

Raphael, lips swollen, eyes half lidded and content, and Simon rushes back in after a big gulp of air.

When Simon’s phone rings somewhere near them, startling Raphael out of probably the hundredth kiss they’ve shared that night, Simon groans loudly and exaggeratedly, turning around to look for it.

“Argh,” Simon groans, disgruntled. “I have to go home now.” Raphael smiles contentedly and leans in for a chaste kiss before jumping down the water. “What, no asking me to stay longer or anything?”

“Nope,” Raphael says, popping the ‘p’ with his kiss swollen lips.

Simon leans down for another kiss, dragging it out as much as he could, before being pushed away from Raphael, saying he should go home for some sleep before school tomorrow. Simon sighs annoyedly, before standing up. He puts his shoes back on, shouldering his bag, and stands back to watch Raphael swimming around.

Raphael has that content smile on his face, and he looks so fucking beautiful that it makes Simon’s eyes water a bit.

“Bye, Raph,” Simon calls out, the boy looks at him with a bright, happy smile on his face.

“Bye, Si,” Raphael calls back, biting his lips, before disappearing under the water.

Simon breathes out happily and turns to go home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to come out yesterday, but I was distracted by so many things so I didn't finish it, and well, I jammed it into today, and really, that's just a bad decision. I didn't read through it much because my brain is slowly dripping out of my ears, so this chapter wouldn't make much sense, or like, is just bad in general. But anyway, I do hope that you guys will like it, I'll maybe read it again tomorrow or something to scan for small mistakes. ((probably won't because i'm a lazy fuck heh))

The next day, unlike Simon had hoped, his friends do not forget about the lake. In fact, they seem to be quite excited to go there with Simon and ‘enjoy swimming under the stars and moon’. As you may have figured out, Simon is not thrilled about this. Every time they try to catch a conversation with him about the lake, he thinks about literally everything to change the subject--’that squirrel on the tree outside the classroom window looks weird, check it out’, ‘that girl’s shoe is so weird, put all your attention on that, please’, etcetera, etcetera.

Simon spends the whole school day either trying, and failing quite horribly, to avoid all his friends, or thinking up a good excuse that does not involve a giant squid named Arkstar and a coffee eyed boy named Raphael, but he always comes up empty.

After school is sort of worse, though, because Becca _personally_ stops by his school to pick him up--which she never does, well, not willingly, at least--and smiles wickedly when he gets in the car with her. Simon feels kind of like he’s about to step into a mouth of a giant monster.

“Simon,” Becca greets in a sweet tone that doesn’t feel sweet at all.

“Becca,” Simon greets back, trying on a smile on his face. He hopes it doesn’t look like he’s grimacing or anything.

“So,” his sister says, nodding thoughtfully as she steers the car down the road.

“So,” Simon repeats after her, which makes she looks at him from the corner of her eye, eyebrow raising.

“Are you going to be like this all the ride home?”

“What do you mean?” Simon says doggedly, avoiding meeting his sister’s eye. He can still feel her rolling her eyes at him though.

“Simon, just tell me what happened last night,” she demands coolly, like she’s not actually about to beat the answer out of him. Simon winces, scrunching up his face. He really hoped that she would somehow, like his friends, forget all about last night, but nope, today is just not Simon’s day.

“Nothing happened last night,” Simon says, keeping his tone light and casual, shrugging.

“Really?” Becca asks incredulously. “Nothing happened at all that made you run all the way back home and wake me up just so I could come over your room and get you _another_ swim trunks, emphasize on ‘another’, because you were definitely wearing one already, so. I ask you again, what happened last night? And please, choose your answer very carefully, Simon. You’ve got a whole night plus this morning to think up a good, or at least, acceptable excuse. If I don’t get at least that, I’m going to stop this car and pound the answer out of you.”

As she finishes, she gives him a warning look and Simon actually believes her. So he sits there, looking down at his feet and tries, _really_ tries to think up something good to tell her. God, there’s so many thing, but all of them, crazy. Absolutely insane. How can he make ‘I came back home to get the swim trunks for a boy who’ve drowned at the lake by a giant squid’ sounds… acceptable?

“I met someone at the lake,” Simon starts, thinking that maybe he should just begin with something simple, and sees where his brain is going to take him next. It’s always better than thinking something through and then chickens out because it sounds, like he’s said, insane.

“Okay...” Becca nods slowly, eyes stare straight ahead. “I didn’t think anyone else besides your crazy ass would go out the lake at night, but okay, I’ll respect that.”

Simon grins lopsided at his sister. “Anyway,” Simon continues, keeping his voice light. “Do you remember that Raphael guy Clary has told you about?”

“Yeah.”

Simon takes a deep breath in and says, “Well, he’s--I didn’t actually meet him online. Or, well, I didn’t meet him online at all, I met him at the lake.”

Becca looks over at him for a moment before turning back to the road. Simon keeps his eyes downward so he doesn’t what her expression was, but he’s certain it’s borderlining on the worried note. Simon really, honestly, does not want to worry his sister any further, she’s obviously worried about him venturing out to the lake at the darkest hours of the night, and now he’s told her he’d met someone there. God, Simon could only guess what’s going through her mind right now. He’s such a bad brother.

“Okay,” Becca says again, slowly, contemplating on what Simon just told her. Simon sits there and just waits for more but nothing actually comes. Instead, she hums thoughtfully and before Simon knows it, she’s pulling into their driveway, and then exiting the car without so much as a word to Simon.

Simon sits back in his seat and stares after his sister, mouth gaping a little in confusion, before Becca pokes her head out of the front door and yells, “Are you going to come in or not, kid?” And Simon’s startled out of his daze and quickly exits the car and follows his sister.

She’s sitting on the couch when Simon gets in the house, typing something on her phone before setting it down the coffee table and turn her head back to him. “C’mon, take a seat.” Becca pats on the cushion, right besides her, and Simon obeys. “So… you lied when you said nothing happened at the lake,” Becca says in an indifferent tone, and Simon sort of flinches a bit. He’s not sure why, it’s just that Becca said it like she was pointing out a fact, and yeah, sure, it is a fact, but he just wishes he could hear more emotion in her voice, to see how she’s taking this.

“Yeah,” Simon mutters. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to sorry, Simon,” Becca says, this time her voice sounds soft and gentle. She takes his hand and gives it a light squeeze before letting go, and says, “I know you have your reasons, so just. Let’s just explain it to me, alright? I promise to keep an open mind.” Simon looks up to see Becca grinning cheerfully and having one hand up. Simon can’t help but grin back.

“Okay,” Simon starts again, taking a big gulf of breath. “So, you already know I didn’t actually jump in the water on, like, the first night I came to the lake, right?” Becca nods slowly, keeping her quiet as Simon continues, “Right. So, that happens a few weeks later, and the first time, nothing really happened, Raphael could have been there but I just didn’t see him…” Simon slowly trails off as he thought back to the first night.

He’s never thought much about it, but Raphael really _could have_ been there, he probably was and the blurry figure Simon saw was actually him. Simon wonders why the boy didn’t approach him that night. He’s got lots of chances right? Simon didn’t actually come home right after he’s swum, but well, there’s something for him to ask the boy tonight, maybe before they can kiss again. Then Simon starts to wonder if the other boy can do, uh, _other stuff_ , like you know, the _other_ things--

“Why are you blushing?” Becca asks from right besides him and Simon almost jumps. He’s forgotten he’s still with his sister and as he realizes what she just asked, he hastily covers his cheeks with his hands. Simon can’t actually believe this is his reaction while thinking about another’s person doing, uh, _other stuff._ Ugh God, what is wrong with him?!

“What? No I’m not,” Simon defends weakly. “Anyway,” he says before Becca can retort, moving the subject back to where it was. “I didn’t see him that first time, but on the second time, when I got detention for that _thing_ , I was swimming around when he came up from underwater and greeted me. He was actually very friendly, and we swam together for a while, then I had to go home. And, yeah, I came there any night I could to hang out with him.”

There’s a moment or two of silence before his sister speaks up, “Alright, first off, are we seriously never going to talk about _that thing?_ ” Simon shrugs, trying to says ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ with his shoulders and, thank the Lord, his sister understands and moves on, “Okay, fine. I’m cool with that. Second, why didn’t you just say that when I first asked you?”

Well, first off, he didn’t know what his sister’s reaction would be, and he really didn’t anticipate her being this calm about it. Plus, she asked him on the night where he was still in questioning about the other boy. He was still pretty hung up on the questions about the other boy, so his mind wasn’t clear enough to think about how he could actually leave the crazy part out. And not to mention, Magnus’ warning, which he’s still a little spooked about. Damn, he’s gotta ask Magnus more about that later.

But for now Simon’s answer for her is a casual ‘I don’t know’ with a offhanded shrug.

Becca hums insightfully. “Do you actually like this boy, or…?” she asks skeptically.

“Yeah,” Simon answers right away, not sparing a moment to actually think about it. “Yeah, I do. Actually like him.”

“Hmm,” Becca says thoughtfully. “Okay. Alright, Simon. I’ll trust your judgement on this. I mean, you’re still in one piece and all, so I guess this Raphael kid isn’t some kind of serial killer who preys on dumbass kid who thinks swimming in the night is a good idea.”

Simon smiles lopsided at her. “Thanks, sis,” Simon says brightly, wondering how many times he’s said this in the past days. Becca nods knowingly at him before frowning a little.

“Wait, you still haven’t explained why you needed another swim trunks last night,” she says states offhandedly, and before Simon can even think up ‘Shit, I haven’t even thought about that’, she adds, “Nah, you know what. I don’t actually want to know.” She crunches up her nose, and Simon realizes what she must be thinking and feels his cheeks burn up. He chooses not to correct her because, seriously, what he’s going to tell her, anyway?

Becca ruffles his hair before standing up. “Okay, I’m gonna call mom to ask if she’s coming home tonight, you go do,” she waves her hand dismissively at him, “whatever it is that you do, I’ll call you when it’s time for dinner.”

Simon grins joyously at her before taking her face in both hands and gives her one hard, wet, juicy kiss on the cheek. She smacks him across the head when he lets her go, grimacing and wiping her cheek with the sleeve of her shirt, mumbling about what an idiot he is, but it’s fine. It’s great actually, to get all that worry off her face and replace it with a big, happy grin.

She shoos him off and Simon goes, patting her head lightly before escaping to his room.

***

That night, while Simon is landing down beneath his window, Becca drops off from nowhere--well, not nowhere, probably from her room, but she was so quiet, Simon didn’t even know she was there until she grunts annoyingly as her dress gets caught in the bush.

“You’re going too?” Simon asks as Becca carefully untangles herself off the thorny bush. She raises an eyebrow at him and shrugs.

“Cover for me at breakfast, kid. I’m not going to back until late in the afternoon,” she says casually, brushing off any remains of the bush off her body and walks to the front yard. He answers with a mumbled ‘okay’ before following her.

The sky is darker tonight, darker than usual. There aren’t much stars out and the Moon--with the capital M, Simon reminds himself--is half hidden behind the streak of dark cloud. Simon is too busy observing the sky, he doesn’t notice how Clary is running over to his house until his sister whisper it to him. Simon feels a surge of panic rushes through his body, because, what? What is she doing here?

Clary is completely the opposite, though, she’s wearing a cheerful grin on her face and a dress that Simon can see is covering up a resemblance of a swimsuit on her body. This is not good.

“Hey, Simon,” she greets elatedly as she stops in front of them. Becca gives him a sideways look before getting into her car and drives off without a word. Simon stares longingly after her, as if he could make her come back and help him deal with this with just his eyes.

Obviously, he can’t do that, so he has to turn back to Clary and force something that he hopes is a smile to his face. “Clary,” he says dubiously. “What are you doing here?”

Clary stares at him incredulously before saying, “Well, to go with you to the lake, of course.” And just as she finishes, a car--Alec’s car, Simon realizes from the plate number--pulls into his driveway and Jace pokes his head out of the side window and waves at them excitingly. Oh, fuck. This is bad. This is really, really _bad._

Clary takes his arm and drags him to the car, jamming them into the tight space of the backseat. Clary is seated in the middle of Izzy on one side and Simon on the other, while Jace is in the front with Alec, who is in the driver seat, and the blond boy has his whole body turned back to them and a wild grin on his face.

“I’m so excited for this, guys,” Jace gushes, and Simon feels the blood strain out of his face.

This is not good. His friends can’t know about Raphael. Simon has told him to leave his ‘mask’ off so if they saw him, Raphael would have no disguise on, and his friends would freak out. That, and Magnus’ warning. Simon is still not entirely sure about it, but the weight of it makes Simon wants to obey it wordlessly.

“What are you guys doing?” Simon finds himself saying, stopping the conversation going on between the others.

“We’re going with you to the lake, obviously,” Alec explains in his cool tone of voice, peering at simon through the rear mirror.

Before Simon can respond, Izzy chimes in, “Maybe you didn’t catch it because you were practically avoiding us all morning, but we did plan to go with you tonight.”

“I--” Simon tries to says but Clary quickly cuts in, “It almost seems like you don’t want us to go to the lake with you.” She gives him a sharp look that makes Simon want to squirm. He doesn’t, though, just swallows hard and stares at her.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” Simon lies, but well, the look on their faces tell him they can see right through it.

Simon sighs defeatedly and just wishes he could somehow warn Raphael that his friends are coming. God, after this he’s going to have to dig up his old phone and gives it to the other boy in case of moment like this, but, well. That probably wouldn’t work because where would the boy even keep it? He obviously couldn’t take it underwater with him, and he definitely couldn’t just leave it on the shore, because then, how would he get to it? Not to mention, in the day, there are actually other people coming to the--

“Simon, are you listening?”

Simon almost, _almost_ shrieks as someone shakes his shoulder roughly, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Yeah, I’m listening,” he says hastily, words tripping over each other.

“Are you hiding something from us?” Jace asks from the front, narrowing his eyes at Simon.

“N-no, I’m not hiding anything,” Simon sputters. Alec gives him a doubtful look through the rear mirror before rolling his eyes and pulls out of Simon’s driveway.

The car ride is short, shorter than Simon is comfortable with, and the whole time he’s too busy deflecting his friends’ questions, he doesn’t even have time to think of a good gameplan for the night.

On the walk to the lake, Simon leads the way because he’s the only who knows where to go, and he keeps taking wrong turns and stopping to declare he has forgotten where the lake was--and, well, it’s pretty stupid, Simon will admit that, but he’s never been known to do well under pressure. His friends, of course, sees right through him and Simon is forced to lead the right way.

When Simon realizes they are really close to the lake, not enough to see it from the thick layers of trees, but enough for Simon to hope that Raphael will here him. So he slows his pace, yelling very, very loudly, “It’s great to have all my friends out here with me! All of my friends! All of them! Not just me!” Everyone narrows their eyes at him quizzically but Simon chooses to ignore them.

As the lake slowly gets into their view, Simon tries to crane his neck to look far off, trying to see if Raphael is there. He isn’t. Simon almost sighs triumphantly with relief at that, but he manages to hold that in and bouncing to the lake happily. This is good. Something is going Simon’s way for once.

Simon drops his bag on the shore, away from the waves of water, and everyone follows suit. They start to get undress down to their swimsuits: Alec and Jace in matching pitch black swim trunks--Simon’s one is dark blue, Izzy in a white-with-blue-stripes bikini which complements her body nicely, and Clary in a red one-piece that Simon’s seen her in many times at the public pool. This is good, everyone is smiling and chatting, and Simon has stopped feeling like he’s going to throw up out of nerve any second now.

Jace is the first to get in the water, jumping excitedly from the end of the pier, cannonball style. He yelps happily and hollers for everyone to join him. Simon smiles widely and runs to the water, Jace braces for him, ready to splash water all over when Simon reaches him. The others walks tentatively in from the shore, testing the water.

It’s good, Simon doesn't know how many times he’s said that since they arrived at the lake, but yeah, it really is. Simon didn’t expect to have this much fun with his friends here, and though he still sometimes stop for a second or two to look around for Raphael, the boy never does appear, and that is good.

Soon enough, all of his friends, even Alec with a contented smile on his face, start to join in with the big water fight Simon and Jace are having. They are laughing loudly, echoing through the woods, slipping through the rows of leaves high above and bouncing off the tree trunks, brightening up the whole place. Then it starts to get bad.

After just a little while of joking around, a loud, and Simon means _loud,_ growling sound escapes from the water and everyone stops. Each and everyone of them stops in their movement, trying to stay as still as possible while keeping their body afloat, and they look at each other, straining their ears to listen.

“What was that?” Clary asks quietly, almost as a whisper, and her eyes shift around fearfully. Simon knows exactly what that was, but he thinks that keeping his quiet is the best option for now.

Just like Simon, everyone stays still and silent, then Clary yelps in alarm and starts swimming back to the shore. Simon, as of the rest of the group, stares after her frantic form, bewildered, then the growling comes again, and this time, it’s Izzy who is yelping and escaping from the water. The boy quickly follows.

“What? What’s wrong?” Alec asks the girls as he fully gets out of the water.

“Something touched my leg,” Clary shrieks, hey eyes wide and fearful. “It wasn’t you guys, right? Because that is a shitty way to joke around.” She eyes all of them, and the growling has stopped, and it’s silent again, there’s only the rumbling of leaves up above and the distant insects to fill up the space.

“Mine too,” Izzy pipes in crossly, stepping over to Clary, and puts her arm around the red haired girl.

“No, Clary,” Jace says hastily. “I definitely didn’t do it, you two?” He turns to Alec and Simon and both of them shake their heads. “Well,” he turns back to the girls, “Are you sure it wasn’t like a fish or something?”

“No,” Clary quips agitatedly, running a shaky hand through her wet hair. “I felt a hand, a cold and rough hand, wrapped around my ankle and pulled. It was a slight pull but I could still feel it.” Tears are threatening to come out of her eyes and Izzy pulls her in closer.

“Mine wasn’t a pull, it was just a light touch,” Izzy says in a soft voice, as she’s trying to calm Clary down, rubbing her back soothingly and pulling her in. Alec and Jace shares a look, before turning to the lake, and there’s something sharp in their eyes.

They stand there in quiet for a moment or two, not sure why, maybe waiting for something to pop up but nothing does, even the growling sound has stopped completely.

“Let’s just--just get out of here, please?” Clary says after a while. “I-I don’t want to be here anymore.”

The group doesn’t protest and Izzy quickly puts her dress back on and leads Clary out of there first, the boys stay back for a little bit longer, Alec and Jace are still observing the lake with narrowed eyes, and Simon watches them.

It’s weird. The look on their face, he means. It looks like they know exactly what’s going on, and are waiting for it to happen again. Simon thinks back to the Magnus’ warning. _If you did see someone at the lake, I hope you can keep it a secret, especially from your friends._ And looking at their reaction to what just happened now, Simon understands why the man said that. Sort of. Kind of. Maybe.

 _Especially from your friends._ Yeah, well, they look like they’re ready to fight whatever is going to pop up, and the look on their faces tells him they’re not going to let that thing live if it does pop up. And Simon definitely doesn’t want to tell them about Raphael if they want to hurt him in any way.

He clears his throat at the two boy, and says, “We should go, guys, the girls are waiting.” And as his voice coming out of his mouth, calm and even, Alec and Jace turn back at him, eyeing him a little before nodding.

They heads off back to the car in silent, and Simon subtly glancing back at the lake a few times. Nothing is there, and the lake looks eerie and quiet as usual, and Simon doesn’t know if he feels good about that or not. Simon chooses not to think about it at all, instead focus his attention on not tripping over the tree roots and the chilly wind of the night.

When they’re finally settled in the car, huddled around themselves as they didn’t get the chance to dry off and it is quite a windy night. Clary is curling into herself against the window, and Izzy is having her arm around the her friend, whispering soothingly into the girl’s ear.

“Maybe Magnus wasn’t kidding,” Jace says all of a sudden, the usual bright tone isn't in his voice. “People actually encountered stuff like this at the lake.”

Simon thinks about that, wondering if this is what it feels like for other people when they come to the lake at night. He guesses so. What really bugs him is the growling, was that Raphael or Arkstar? The boy did say that the giant squid has become more friendly, but, well, it _is_ still a giant squid with a blood thirst for basically everything.

Simon wonders what Raphael is doing right now. Is he trying to calm Arkstar down? Or is he just feeling down like Simon for being able to meet each other? Simon pushes off the thoughts and focus back on the conversation.

“--should talk to him tomorrow,” Izzy is saying, and Clary nods, head resting on Izzy’s shoulder. Simon shifts his eye back to the front and sees Alec is watching him through the rear mirror but as their eyes meet, he turns away quickly and starts up the car. Simon doesn’t mention it, doesn’t want to talk about the semi-hostile look on his face.

They arrive back at Simon house in a heavy, drowning silent, and Clary detaches herself from Izzy’s arm. “Are we home?” she asks in a small voice, and Izzy nods.

“You can stay with me tonight, if you want,” the dark haired girl offers earnestly, tucking a strand of hair behind Clary’s ear.

“Thanks,” Clary replies, leaning back in against Izzy. “I do want to.”

“Okay,” Izzy says, before turning to Simon. “We’ll take Jace back to his place and Clary can stay with me for the night, are you going to be okay on your own?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Simon says, keeping his voice impassive. “Hey… about what just happened--”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just--let’s just hold that off for another time, okay?” Clary says quickly, her voice shakes a little. Simon nods, then he realizes she’s burying her head into Izzy’s shoulder again, and probably didn’t see it so he answers with a mumbled ‘okay’.

He gets out of the car deliberately, feeling Alec’s piercing gaze on his back the whole time. He doesn’t say anything about it, though, because that would mean being asked a lot of questions and Simon is not entirely sure he has any answers to give. So he stands on the sidewalk and watches his friends drive off, not getting in his house until they are far out of sight.

Simon goes in through the front door, using the spare key hidden under the small pot of plant on the step, not feeling entirely up for climbing. After closing the door carefully behind him, Simon makes his way upstairs, dragging his foot up each step.

He thinks back at how the look on Alec’s and Jace’s--and maybe Izzy’s too but she was turning away from Simon most of the time so he couldn’t really tell--faces has been… disconcerting. It just doesn’t seem right. It seemed like they knew something, almost like they were expecting it. Something isn’t right and Simon is going to figure it out, he swears. But that’s a problem for another time, right now, sleep sounds really good.

Simon falls heavily down his bed, face first into the pillows, and grunts when he feels the mattress damping up from his not-entirely dried swim trunks. Whatever. He’ll deal with it later, in the morning, maybe, but right now, sleep. So he closes his eyes, and sleep takes over him almost immediately.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took two weeks to finish, last week school was really hard on me so I have to focus and didn't have time to write. And this was kind of a rush job so I'm sorry if it doesn't turn out good. I do hope you guys enjoy it. chapter 15 may come out sometimes tomorrow, or today if I try hard enough, I'm trying to finish as fast as I could.

Simon wakes up the next day with his head throbbing as his mother bangs on his door violently. She's yelling something about how he should get his ass up immediately or she’s going to come in. That doesn’t sound good at all. Especially when Simon becomes more aware of his surrounding, of the light streaming in through the half-closed blinds, and he’s still in his swim trunks.

“I’m awake!” Simon yells back at her and sighs blissfully when the banging stop. He hears his mother’s footsteps going away from his room, and Simon falls back down his back heavily. He lies there for a moment, closing his eyes and willing sleep to come back. The clock on the nightstand tells him it’s only 6:17 in the morning, two hours away from school, and Simon honestly doesn’t want to face the day until he really, absolutely has to.

It doesn’t matter, though, because just a minute or two later, his phone rings nosily in his bag and Simon grunts agitatedly, getting up and taking it out of the bag. His mother is calling him, which is so weird, why doesn’t she just come up and invade his room like she’s threatened? Not that Simon wants his mother to invade his room but still. Simon clicks answer on the phone and puts it to his ear.

“Simon, why are you not downstairs yet?” His mom grits in a hushed voice, like she doesn’t want anyone else who is not on the phone to hear it. Simon narrows his eye skeptically.

“What? Why? School doesn’t start until eight.”

“Yeah, I know,” his mom says, sighing. “Just, come down stairs, please. There’s someone here for you.”

“Who is here for me?” Simon asks, bewildered, because really, who would invade his home at the ass crack of dawn to see him?

“He said his name was Magnus.” Simon groans as his mother continues, “What? He said he’s a friend of yours, but you never brought him home. He’s quite charming, Simon, and he brought flower for me. So please, be a nice boy and come downstairs. I have to go to work in a few minutes.”

Simon groans again, but answers his mother with a muttered ‘okay’ and throws the phone down his bed. He stares at it for a moment, completely nonplussed, because what the actual hell? What is Magnus doing at his house? Why did he bring flower for Simon’s mother? What does he want with Simon, and also his mother? Simon heaves out a sigh and runs a hand down his face before going to the bathroom down the hall.

After he’s brushed his teeth and staring at his face for a long while, wondering why the hell Magnus is at his house, he decides that it’s better to just go downstairs and ask the man himself. Simon manages to remember to change out his swim trunks, and after that’s done, he jogs downstairs.

Magnus is sitting in the living room, across from his mom, legs crossed and one arm spread on the back of the couch. He seems to be chatting brightly with his mom about the lovely flowerbed they have out on the front lawn, and Simon wants to barf. He doesn’t, though, but instead, Simon clears his throat to alert the two of his present and both eyes turn to him.

“Oh, Simon, you’re here,” his mom says, smiling. She stands up from the couch, excusing herself before rushing Simon into the kitchen. Before Simon can even ask her what’s going on, she is moving around the kitchen frantically. “I have to go now, or I’m going to be late.” She kisses him on the forehead, checking her bag one last time for everything, before rushing out. She stops just a few steps from the kitchen entrance, turning back at Simon. “Hey, where’s your sister, she’s not in her room and her car isn’t in the driveway.”

His mom gives him a waiting look and Simon blinks, thinking. “Oh, um, she told me last night she’s going early today, she won’t be back ‘til afternoon,” Simon lies, wincing at just how bad of a lie it is.

It seems to work for his mother, though, because she shrugs and says one last goodbye to him and Magnus out in the living room and rushes out the front door. Simon stalks back into the living room, seeing Magnus casually sipping the tea Simon’s mother must have made for him.  They stay in silence until the sound of his mom’s car becomes distant.

“Samuel,” Magnus greets as Simon sits down across from him, narrowing his eyes at the man. Simon doesn’t even bother to feel offended with the name today, not right now, at least. He keeps on staring at the man until Magnus rolls his eyes loudly, and sets the cup of tea down. “You must be wondering what am I doing here.”

“You think?” Simon quips, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yes, Scotty, I do think so,” Magnus retorts, swirling his fingers in the air, the glitter in his painted fingernails twinkling in the morning sunlight. “For your question, I’m here to take you somewhere.”

“What?” Simon narrows his eyes further at the man, and Magnus only shrugs, impassive.

“C’mon, Simon,” he emphasizes, staring straight into Simon’s eyes, and Simon feels kind of intimidated, involuntarily leaning back away from the other man a little. He doesn’t realize what his body is doing until his back is pressed against the armrest. Simon clears his throat weakly, but it’s enough to make Magnus snap his eyes away, down to the teacup sitting peacefully on the coffee table. He eyes it for a moment before saying, voice even and emotionless, “Go get ready, Simon. I’m not leaving this house without you.”

Simon keeps staring at Magnus, bewildered. Magnus shifts his eyes back to Simon, sharp and fierce, and Simon stands up almost immediately and walks to the stairs. Simon stops at the first step, hesitating, before turning back and asks, “Can you at least tell me where we’re going?”

Magnus shrugs again, then relaxing back against the couch. “You’ll find out soon enough, Simon,” he says cooly, “Now go, you’re killing time.” And Simon obeys.

When Simon comes back downstairs a while later, dressed and ready to go wherever the hell Magnus is taking him, he finds Magnus leaning against the front door, arms crossed in front of his chest, waiting. He doesn’t say anything as Simon walks closer, just opens up the door and walks out, not even bother to check if Simon’s following.

He is, though, hesitantly, and as they reach Magnus’ car, the man gets in and Simon stands by the passenger seat and peers into the window. “You’re not taking me somewhere to kill me, are you?” Simon asks solicitously.

Magnus rolls his eyes. “Simon, if I had wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it in the night when you go to the lake, then dumped your body into the lake so that the giant monster could feast on your flesh,” he says and gesture for Simon to get in the car.

Simon does as told, still pretty bewildered, but before Simon can even ask, Magnus continues, “It’s going to be a long drive, Simon, so play on your phone or something. Leave your questions for when we reach our destination.” And then he starts the car and they’re off to God knows where, and Simon sinks back into his seat and takes his phone out, reading old messages and switching the screen around.

Magnus doesn’t try to make any kind of conversation for the whole ride, just staring ahead. Simon has put his phone back in his jeans pocket a while back, when they seem to be out of the town and into an area with more open fields and trees than houses. He glances at Magnus a few times, observing the man’s face for anything, but it seems that Magnus is just not in the mood today—there’s no visible emotions on his face, except for a slight, tiny frown between his eyebrows. Simon gives up trying to figure out what’s going, or where they’re going, and instead focused on counting the passing trees, or the short numbers of cars driving right pass.

They finally come to a stop at a magnificent mansion—no, it's more like a manor, basing on the size of it. How can this be here all this time and Simon didn’t know? Well, it is on a private land, and Simon doesn’t leave the town much, anyway. He stares at the gorgeous building, gawking, and asks, “Where  _ are  _ we?”

He hears Magnus sighs longingly, and mumbling something that sounds like ‘why me’ but Simon can’t be sure because someone is existing the house’s front.

It’s a middle-age man in a dark suit, he stops in front of them. "Hello, Mr. Bane, welcome back. Shall I be making tea for you and your guest?" The man says in a posh tone.

"Yeah, bring it to the study," Magnus answers back, and the man bows before disappearing back inside the house.

“This is my house,” Magnus says in a causal tone, like he isn't referring to the giant mansion right in front of them. Simon is still gawking at it a bit, but he follows carefully as Magnus starts to walk towards the house.

“But,” Simon argues, “that would mean... you’re...  _ rich.  _ ”

Even though he's walking behind the man, Simon can still tell he's rolling his eyes at him. Magnus doesn't anything back though, just keep walking deeper into the house. As they strodes down the hallway, Simon turns his head around and looks at everything. It doesn't seem like there are people living here, though. Most of the furniture in the house are covered up by a white sheet, some have a thick layer of dust on them.

Simon is about to open his mouth and ask, but Magnus seems to sense that, so he cuts in, "The house used to belong to my parent's. They left it for me when they decided to move to Europe." They stop in front of a door to the left of a long hallway. He opens the door, and Simon follows in babbling about the size of the house and how Magnus has never taken any of them here.

“That’s because I don’t live here,” Magnus points out after he settled in comfortable-looking chair in the far side of the room. “My parents left it for me, but I never wanted it. I only come out here when I need some quiet.” Simon nods and starts walking around the room, checking out the decoration and everything.

This room is more different than the rest of the house. The furniture inside aren't covered up, but it looks like it's the only place that is used in all of the house. The walls are dressed in a red color, not too bright and not too dark, just the enough combination of the two making the room seems inviting and warming.

There’s a elegant wooden desk at the far end of the room, placed in the middle, right in front of a large window overlooking the open field outside. The blinds are only half drawn, leaving the room illuminated by the morning sunlight. Besides that, there are others things around the room: a cabinet full of (presumably very expensive) wine bottles and many other (old and expensive looking) antiquities. Simon eyes everything in wonder.

He stops in front of an opened birdcage, empty and clad in golden color and beautiful leaf patterns that has Simon gaping in awe. Magnus clears his throat and Simon almost jumps out of his own skin.

“That’s for Maximus,” he says, right behind Simon, and the younger boy whips around hastily to face him.

“Jesus Christ, Magnus,” Simon barks, putting a hand over his chest to stop his heart from thrumming out. When he finally calms down, and successfully makes a face at Magnus’ judging look, he says, “I thought you said you didn’t live here, why would you leave your bird here?”

Magnus shrugs, sliding past Simon to close the cage door but not locking it. “He likes the atmosphere here more than in the town, so I left him here. Colin, my house keeper, the man we met out on the front yard, takes care of him, and I come by every now and then to check in on the both of them.”

Simon nods slowly and Magnus looks at him from the corner of his eye for a moment, then bouncing back to his chair. A moment later, there’s a knock from the door and Colin's voice muffled through the wooden door, alerting them the tea are ready.

Magnus gestures for Simon to open the door, and he does, greeting Colin with a bright smile and only receives a blank look back. Simon takes the tray of beverage from Colin and the man does a half bow then disappears down the hallway.

Simon stares after the man for a moment before balancing the tray on one arm and closes the door. He sets the tray down the desk, and sits down on the chair on the other side of the desk, opposite from Magnus.

“So,” Simon begins while Magnus pours out tea for the both of them. “Why did you bring me here?”

“I need to talk to you,” Magnus replies nonchalantly.

“And we can’t talk at, like, my house or something?” Simon inquires, quirking his eyebrows at the older man, accepting the cup of tea when he was offered.

Magnus holds eye contact with Simon for a second or two before shifting away, staring down at the wooden desk. “No, we can’t. Your friends would interrupt us, and I don’t want any interruption for this conversation,” Magnus says, voice even and strange.

Simon stares at the man. He’s never seen Magnus like this. He looks so… mature and professional, which tells him whatever they’re going to talk about is serious business and Simon needs to focus. So he sits up straight in his chair, taking a small sip of his tea for courage, before speaking, “What do you wanna talk about?”

The other man doesn’t say anything for moment, just stares at the cup of tea in his hand and takes a sip before blowing lightly on the hot water. “There are many things to discuss,” Magnus says after his sip, voice cool. “We can start with what happened last night.”

“What happened last night?” Simon says, “What do you mean?”

Magnus rolls his eyes. “I mean when you brought your little group of friends to the lake, Simon. That’s what I mean,” he says coldly, putting down the cup of tea. “That’s really stupid, by the way. Especially after what I told you.”

“First off,” Simon starts, annoyed. “You didn’t tell me anything, okay. All you said was ‘if you see someone, keep it a secret from your friends’,” Simon mimics Magnus’ voice obnoxiously and the man doesn’t seem so amused with it. “And secondly, I didn’t  _ bring  _ them there. They invited themselves along, and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Hmm,” Magnus says, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “You could have, oh, I don’t not,  _ not  _ taken them there?”

“It wasn’t that easy,” Simon bawls, exasperated, and Magnus is looking at him like he’s not having any bullshit Simon is giving, like he thinks Simon could have tried harder, like Simon’s action has caused something terrible to happen. Which is ridiculous, by the way. Simon had no other choice, okay, he tried, he tried  _ hard,  _ and nothing bad happened, well, that is, if you don’t count the leg pulling thing and the growling as bad. Simon doesn’t. He’s sort of glad it happened, actually, it got his friends out of the lake before any bigger disaster—like they spotting Raphael or something like that—could happen.

“Of course it wasn’t,” Magnus scoffs, and Simon sighs defeatedly. “Raphael could’ve been hurt, you know,” the older man says after a moment, making Simon stares up at him, eyes wide.

“Wha—”

“Yes, Simon, I know about Raphael.” Magnus cuts in, leaving Simon to stare at him in dumbfound, gaping. “I also know about your little, uh, relationship with him.”

Simon blushes. Like a teenage girl caught with a crush. Which is so stupid, because it’s not a crush anymore, Raphael likes him back, and Magnus is a dick.

“How do you even know about that?” Simon squawks, face hot, and Magnus snorts. He points over to the empty cage from before, and Simon turns to look at it.

There’s nothing he hasn’t seen from before, it’s still an empty birdcage, with the perch hanging gloomily in the middle. At least it  _ was  _ empty, until Magnus calls ‘Maximus’ to the room and a bird slowly materializing from thin air.

Simon jumps out of his chair, almost knocking it over, and thankfully he’s put down his teacup at some point alongside Magnus’ response or he would've spilt the tea all over the carpet.

The cage is no longer empty. Right now, at this very moment, with Simon stands in place, gaping and eyes wide staring at the cage in disbelief, a white, majestic owl is standing on the perch, staring back at Simon with big round eyes, hollow and dark.

“What the—” Simon starts but his voice doesn’t stick with him, he can’t even think right now, because  _ what the actual fuck?! _

“Simon,” Magnus calls from behind him, startling Simon once again. “Sit down. Drink some tea, it’ll calm you down.” He offers Simon’s his teacup, with fresh tea from the pot, and Simon takes it with shaky hands, gulping down a big sip.

As he swallows down the tea, Simon feels strangely calmer, and more relaxed. He sits back in his chair and sighs contentedly, before taking another sip. Magnus also offers him a cookie from the tray and Simon takes it without question. He takes a bit and feels the calmness rushing through his body.

“Wow, Magnus,” Simon breathes, smiling. “This cookie is really good, man.”

Magnus chuckles a little. “Yeah, it’s herbal. It helps calm people down.”

Simon lets that sink through his head. “Wait, you drugged me?” Simon says. Magnus snorts.

“Well,” he shifts his eyes around, tilting his head a bit. Looking at him now, Simon thinks he’s more like his normal self, smirking and swirling his painted nails around. “It wouldn’t hurt you or make you an addict, or anything. It just helps calm you down. It’ll only works when you’re close to panicking, anyway.”

“Wow, great then,” Simon decides, taking another bite off his cookie. It’s really delicious, and very calming, and he’s not going all Gollum on it, so yeah, it’s all good.  It takes him a while to come back to the situation, about the owl materializing out of nowhere, but he does come back to it.

The owl has escaped from its cage and lands on the desk near Magnus. The man strokes its head lightly and it closes its eyes, leaning into the touch. Simon watches the whole thing unveils, it’s so weird, so strange. If you just walked in the room right at this moment, the owl would just look like any ordinary owl to you, but Simon knows better. He knows that it’s something more than  _ just  _ an owl, and he knows that he wants to know more about it.

“So,” Simon begins, brushing the cookie crumbs off his hand. “What is it?” He gestures vaguely at the bird, and Magnus stops stroking its feathers and the owl hoots unhappily.

“It’s a Soul-stealing Bird,” Magnus says, leaning back it his chair. “Don’t worry, Stephen,” Magnus says when Simon’s eyes widen, but they slowly turn soft and cheery when he hears Magnus says his name wrong. It’s weird. Simon never actually thought he’d ever feel relieved that Magnus says his name wrong. Magnus smirks a little at Simon’s reaction. “Maximus doesn’t steal human souls, only the souls of other birds. He steals souls to live. He changes to the shape of the bird he steals the soul from. Before this, he was a dove. When the life span of that bird expires, he will go out and look for another bird to steal soul from. So on and so off."

“Oh,” Simon nods his head, thinking. “Alright. Sure. Okay.”

“Are you okay, Steven?” Magnus asks, raising his eyebrows skeptically at Simon. Simon nods his head, at this point Simon himself feels like he’s a bobble head, and takes a large sip of his tea when Magnus offers it to him once again. This is all good. A soul-stealing bird. Who doesn’t like that?

“Can I touch it?” Simon says tentatively after swallowing down the tea, and Magnus nods. He retrieves his hand and beckons for Maximus to go over Simon, and the bird does, walking carefully over. It stops at the table edge, right in front of Simon. Simon reaches out a wary hand and touches the bird with the tip of his index fingers. The owl hoots, closing its eyes and rubs further into Simon’s hand.

Simon can’t help but crack a large smile on his face because, holy shit, this is the coolest thing ever. This bird right here, right in front of him, steals souls to live, but right now it looks so small and so precious, and Simon wants to hold it in his arms and keep it close forever.

He strokes the bird’s head for a little while, and Magnus sits back in his chair and watches. The moment is ruined when Simon’s phone rings up in his jeans pocket, startling the white bird, making it fly back over to Magnus’s side.

Simon rushes to take his phone out and swears out loud as he sees who’s calling. Clary. Fuck.

“Who is it?” Magnus prompts from the other side of the desk, petting Maximus’ head to calm the bird down. Simon holds up the phone and Magnus reaches over and takes it from Simon’s hand. He hits ignore, turning it off, and throws Simon’s phone in one of the drawers. “What?” Magnus says at Simon’s outrage reaction. “We can’t talk with distractions all around like this.”

“They’d be worry if I don’t get back to them or something,” Simon points out. Magnus groans and takes the phone out for Simon.

“Here, tell them your sick or something,” Magnus demands, but quickly changes his thought, “No, don’t tell them your sick, they’d probably come over and check up on you. Just, say something so they don’t worry.”

Simon raises his eyebrow at the other man before firing a text at his friends, telling them he has something to do and will be skipping school today. He didn’t get to read their response as Magnus grabs his phone and throws it in the drawer again.

“Alright, so let’s start again, then,” Simon says, crossing his arms over his chest. “You were saying something about Raphael?”

“Ah, yes,” Magnus breathes, hand back on Maximus’ head, gently petting the white bird. “Maximus told me all about you and him.”

“Maximus can talk?” Simon asks, and it's funny that he's not as surprised as he should be at that statement.

“Of course he can,” Magnus exclaims, looking over the bird, which is cooing softly as he leans into Magnus' hand. “But only to me.” Simon nods his head, because he doesn’t even know what to say to that besides accepting it as it is.

“Anyway,” Magnus continues, looking back at Simon. “I did tell you that I know Raphael, right? I mean from before what happened?”

“Yeah, after you told the story,” Simon quips.

“Right,” Magnus nods, tapping a finger on his chin in thought. “He was a great kid. Smart, loyal, and also kind of arrogant,” he chuckles darkly at the mention. “I warned him against the lake, but the fucker still went there every now and then. Until that fateful night and everything happened after that.”

Magnus rests his chin on his hand, sighing morosely. “I came every night to watch out for him, you know. I couldn’t make contact with him, because you know, rules and all that.” He isn’t looking at Simon now, his eyes is focusing somewhere over Simon’s shoulder, a hint of sorrow hidden deep behind. “I had to stop coming to the lake every night because life got in the way, and over time, I stopped completely. But I sent Maximus out to check in on him every now and then, less now than before, though, and he told me Raphael was still doing fine. The corals helped him, and Arkstar seemed to be becoming more and more friendly towards the kid.”

“Is that how you know about, uh, me and Raphael?” Simon quips. “Maximus spied on us and told you?”

Magnus chuckles humorlessly. “He didn’t spy on you. I was concern after our talk at the shop, so I asked him to follow you for a bit. Which leads me to what happened last night." He frowns at Simon, and Simon can't help but squirm under his gaze.

"You said Raphael could've been hurt, what did you mean by that?" Simon asks, staring down at his lap.

"We'll talk about that in a bit," Magnus says. Simon hears a soft coo, and he looks up to see Maximus perching on the desk in front of him. Simon smiles a little and reaches out to pet the white owl. It hoots happily and leans into the touch.

“I guess my opinion wouldn’t matter at all, but I will say this: Be careful, okay?" Magnus says after a while, causing Simon to shift his eyes from the contented bird and up to him. "Being in love with a monster is not something that usually comes with a happy ending.”

Simon can feel the tension in his words, and he gets it. Simon gets it. Simon knows the risk coming into this, he knows Raphael wouldn’t be able to give him much, but that’s okay. Simon won’t ask for much, because he’s happy enough just staying besides the boy, even if it’s only in the night. And  _ fuck  _ . He’s really in love with Raphael, isn’t he? Well, fuck it, then. You only live once and all that, right?

“Yeah,” Simon says after a while.

“I will also say this: If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you, get it?” Magnus threatens, though there’s a playful note in his tone. Simon smiles a little at the thought of Magnus being protective over his old friend, and nods.

“What are you, anyway? You seem to know a lot about everything that is going on,” Simon questions, relaxing in his seat, hand still absently petting Maximus.

Magnus shrugs. “I’m a Protector. It’s horrible, I know, but I didn’t come up with it.” Magnus laughs a little, waving his hand and rolling his eyes at the name. “There are many of us. My father was supposed to be one, but the bloodline somehow didn’t get to him, but to me, instead. So I had to take his place and went on my mission and all that shit.”

“What is your mission, then?” Simon asks, narrowing his eyes in thought. “Raphael is a Keeper, and he keeps watch over a giant monster. So are you protecting something?”

“Sort of. Mostly we protect magical things from the Hunters,” Magnus explains.

Simon quirks his eyebrows in curiosity. “You keep saying things in plurals. Like ‘we’ and ‘hunters’,” he quips.

“Well, I guess I should start at the beginning,” Magnus sighs. He says something in a strange language to Maximus. The bird nods his head and flies back into the cage, leaving the door opened, and disappears into thin air. The cage is once again empty with the perch swingly softly back and forth, ringing a creaking sound of metal around the room. It’s quickly drowned out by Magnus' voice.

“Did Raphael tell you about the Sun and the Moon the other night?” Magnus asks. Simon is confused for a moment but then he remembers that Maximus followed him, so he just nods. “Great, I won’t have to explain that to you then. So the Moon created Arkstar, then the Keeper to keep watch over her son, and the corals to guide them. Basically, she’s their mother.”

“Hey, I have a question,” Simon prompts in, causing Magnus to roll his eyes for the interruption, but he gestures for Simon to ask away. “At the coffee shop the other day, you called the Moon 'the Sea God', prefered to God as a ‘he’. Why didn’t you just say it was the Moon?”

“The story is easier to tell that way. To normal people, it’s just a legend, complete with the Gods and a giant monster. They don’t have to think much about the girl sitting on the Moon watching down the Earth for her son,” Magnus explains. “Anything else?”

“No,” Simon responds, nodding his head understandingly, and gestures for the older man to continue.

“Alright,” Magnus says. “As I already told you, the Sun was not at all happy with the Moon’s action of creating the giant squid, and he was even more unhappy when the other Gods wouldn’t make any extreme action about the monster. So he took matter into his own hands. The pact he made with the Moon was one thing, but he also created a group of people to go hunt for the monster.”

Simon nods as he reaches out for another cookie from the tray. He takes a small bite and chews slowly as he thinks about Magnus’ words. The man watches his movement for a moment before continuing, “So this group of people was sent out to kill the monster. To make it not exist anymore. But that wasn’t an easy task. The Moon tried every way she could to protect her son. And it went on for many, many years. The group of people slowly settled into life on Earth, making family and having children. Which, I am one of the descendant of.” He makes a brand gesture towards himself, which Simon can’t help but crack a smile at.

“Later on, as many new generations were created, a conflict arose amongst them.” Magnus continues in a dark tone. A soft coo sounds up from the cage, and Simon turns his head to stare at it. The cage is still empty, and Simon can feel some resemblance of a sharp, hard stare in their direction. Hm, the bird seems to be angry. Simon opts to not ask questions as Magnus continues on.

“The conflict went on for a while,” he states, staring at the cage, chin rested on the top of his hand. “Many opinions were formed and soon enough, the group was splitted into two. One group, the Protectors, believed that they shouldn’t be killing the giant squid, since it hadn’t done more harm to the living humans since the Keep were created. They wanted a world of peace, where magical creatures and humans can live together, and they didn't think they can achieve that through an act of violence.

“The other side, the Hunters, didn’t believe in that. Just by the name you can already guess what their ideology was. Still is, I guess. They still followed the Sun’s order to kill the monster, but they since they couldn’t get close to it with the Moon still in play, they expanded out more. Everything that falls into their category of what a monster is, they will destroy.” Magnus finishes in a spiteful note, and the invisible bird in the cage seems to share the same sentiment. He hoots in a dark, angry tone.

“There’s more creatures that I don’t know about?” Simon asks, wanting to break the bitterness that seems be filling up the room.

“Of course,” Magnus says, breaking his gaze from the birdcage and back to Simon, his eyes still a little sharp and careful. “They are either creations of other Gods, or a hybrid of some kind. There are plenty creatures the humans don’t know of. A lot of them, though very harmless, still falls into the monster category in the Hunters’ books. The Hunters thought that they should keep those things hidden from the human eyes, and the Protectors agreed. Humans tend to destroy things they don’t fully understand.”

Simon hums his agreement softly. It’s true, what Magnus just said. People don’t react to well with things that are different. "What about Maximus? Does his kind also fall into that category?" Simon questions, voice a little small, and the bird hoots sadly.

"Yes," Magnus says, voice sad and tired. "Most of the creatures are in that category. The ones that aren't get used like a slave for the Hunters' purpose."

A thick silence follows his answer and neither tries to break it. All of them, including Maximus, are too deep in hatred for the cruel Hunters.

“So do you have any superpower from the Sun?” Simon chooses to ask after a while, and the mood is lifted a little when Magnus snorts arily.

“There’s one, I guess. We can see other creatures better. The creatures only appear to humans when they want to, which is never by the way, they don’t like humans much,” Magnus explains, and the owl hoots knowingly, still hidden from the normal eyes. “Asides from that, there’s not much else. We can learn a little quicker than normal humans, can survive in the wild for a long time, and some other shit like that. But that’s pretty much it.”

“So, the hunters…” Simon draws, not sure how to put his words together. “They’re, uh, after Arkstar?”

“Not just Arkstar, Simon,” Magnus says darkly. “They’re after Raphael, too.”

“But, he—he’s not dangerous or anything,” Simon protests and Magnus grunts spitefully.

“I know, Simon,” the man says, voice serious. “But in the Hunters’ eyes, he’s a monster. And a monster doesn’t get to live in their world.”

Simon sits back in his chair, eyes wide in panic. He can feel his heartbeat racing up and his pulse throbbing. He quickly grabs the cup of tea from the tray, still half full, and chugs it all down in one gulp. It helps, just a bit, but Simon still feels like he’s going to jump out of his own skin.

“These Hunters,” Simon grits through his teeth. “Who are they?”

“Oh, you haven’t figured it out already?” Magnus chuckles humorlessly, leaning in and staring at Simon with hard, dark eyes. “They’re your friends.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo new chapter!!!! hope you like it :3 chapter 16 will updated at this weekend like usual

Simon stares at Magnus with big eyes and a mouth that hangs open so wide that he thinks it might have touched the floor.

“Wha—what do you mean?” Simon stutters, not wanting to believe what Magnus just said.

The man leans back into his seat, crossing a leg over the other, and calmly drinks his tea. “The Hunters, Simon, they’re your friends. The Lightwoods, the Waylands, Jace’s whole family is the direct descendants of the Hunters.”

Simon doesn't know what to say, how to react, how to even _think_. So he just sits there, nonplussed, and stares at the man in front of him. Maximus hoots his despite for the names from the other side of the room. Simon shifts his eyes to the cage and sees Maximus perching inside the cage, eyes big and angry.

“The Lightwoods are known for their Soul-stealing Bird hunting record,” Magnus says evenly, his voice ringing through the room in bitterness, and Simon can’t help but wince. The white bird flies out from his cage, landing on the edge of the desk, and stares out the big window.

“Can’t you do anything about them? The Hunters, I mean. Can’t you stop them or anything?” Simon inquires after a moment, upset.

“No, Simon, I can’t,” Magnus says, voice tired and defeated. “I wish I could, though. But the Sun doesn’t adore us as he does with the Hunters. We are basically the children that he never wanted and there’s nothing he could do aside from ignore our existence entirely. All I could ever do is warning the creatures of the coming danger, nothing else. I’m sorry, Simon.”

“But…” Simon trails off, feeling so crushed.

The silence stretching on after that is unbearable. It’s thick and heavy and Simon feels like he can’t breathe. So he stands up, pacing around in small, careful steps, and Magnus sits in his chair, and for the first time since this morning, Simon realizes how exhausted Magnus looks.

He stops in his step to stare at the man. There are small circles under his eyes, the kind that if you didn’t look closely enough, you wouldn’t be able to see. Now that Simon has seen it, he can’t look away. Magnus’ hair is floppy and it looks like it hasn’t been washed for days. There are chipped edges on his painted fingernails, the imperfection that just screams how much he’s been worried. Fuck. Raphael was his old friend, someone he used to care about—someone still cares about based on the looks of things. And Simon has lead all the danger straight to the other boy.

“There must be something we can do,” Simon says determinedly, hands gripping the back of the chair. “We can warn Raphael, or tell the Moon, or… or… Something, Magnus. There must be _something._ ” The desperation is his voice makes Magnus look up from his laps and stares. Maximus has turned around and watches Simon with his big, dark eyes. Simon stares back at them, keeping his eyes focused and the frustrated tears back inside.

“We can tell the Moon, but that wouldn’t matter much anyway,” Magnus says coldly. “She can keep them out of the water, but…”

“But what, Magnus?” Simon presses.

“But they’d get to him eventually. They have you.”

“What?”

“Don’t be stupid, Simon. The moment they figure out your involvement with Raphael, they’d use you to lure him out,” Magnus says, a dark bitterness in his voice.

Simon takes a wary step back, feeling his breath hitched. “But… they’re my friends. They wouldn’t do something like that,” Simon breathes, small and quiet, but Magnus still hears it.

“Your friends wouldn’t. But their parents would,” Magnus says, the coldness in his voice send a chill down Simon’s spine.

“But…” Simon tries but the words get caught in his throat, bundled up into a big lump that prevents the air from coming in or out of his lungs. He feels like he’s going to die.

Magnus is at his side in an instance, holding him up and asking if he’s alright. Magnus offers him tea and a piece of cookie but Simon just stares straight into the carpet down below him, counting the different patterns and tries to will air in and out with the sound Magnus’ voice.

“Simon, you need to calm down,” Magnus is saying, voice so distant and unfamiliar, like he’s above water and Simon’s two hundred feet under. He leads Simon to the couch on the side of the room and settles both of them down. Simon sits still where Magnus has left him, staring straight down, head swirling in thoughts.

“Simon, do you hear me?” Magnus shakes his shoulder after a while, and Simon still remains unmoving, just hums his acknowledgment for the other man.

“How would they even know?” The sound of his voice is strange, small and sad, and Simon almost doesn’t believe that it came out of his mouth. Magnus doesn’t have the same thought as him though, he just sits back, hand slide off Simon’s shoulder and to his laps.

“They have their ways,” he says, quiet and strained. “I’m sorry, Simon.”

“So that’s it?” Simon barks, outraged, standing from the couch. He stares straight at the other man, who has a startled look on his face. “You’re not going to do anything? You’re just gonna sit there and watch your friend get killed by a bunch of lunatics?”

“Don’t you dare!” Magnus countered. “Don’t you fucking dare say that.”

“What? Was I wrong?” Simon’s voice has become a scream, loud and angry, and he doesn’t back down even when the guilt sneaks its way to Magnus’ eyes. “You aren’t going to do anything. Because of your rules and whatever, right?”

“You don’t know shit about me, Simon,” Magnus grits through his teeth, eyes sharp. “Raphael was—” he swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut before continuing, “is my friend. But he’s not the only creature I have to protect. There are things much bigger than him.”

“Wow,” Simon laughs humorlessly. “Wow, Magnus. Just… Wow.”

And with that, he storms out of the room, slamming the door hard behind him. Simon knows he’s being unreasonable, he knows. He knows that there must be other creatures residing inside that woods and they must be in danger too. But he doesn’t give a fuck, can’t bring himself to. All he cares about is Raphael, and how to keep the boy safe, but. He—he just doesn’t know how, and it’s fucking eating him up on the inside out.

Standing outside of the large mansion, sunlight streaming down his face, scorching his skin, he finally remembers that he has no way to get out of here without Magnus. So he sits down on the steps, squinting his eyes and looking around. It takes a long, long while before Simon hears the door open and close behind him, and Magnus sits down hesitantly besides him.

They stay silence for a moment, just sitting there and stares at the land surrounding. “I’m really sorry, Simon,” Magnus is the one to break the silence, voice quiet and sad.

“Yeah, I know,” Simon replies, staring straight ahead.

Another silence takes over and Simon is the one to break it this time around. “Have you tried talking to them?” he says quietly, chin rested on his drawn up knees.

“It wouldn’t work,” the other man says darkly.

“Why not?”

“They were fed with the idea that all creatures are bad from the moment they were big enough to remember,” Magnus explains.

“But people can change, right?” Simon quips, hopeful. “I mean, even a monster as deadly as Arkstar is changing, right? He’s becoming more friendly, so why not my friends too?”

“Simon—”

“No, listen. There used to be a big group of Hunters right? But they splitted into two, Protectors and Hunters. And why is that? They changed, they have different ideas. What if my friends are like that, too?” Simon says, smiling as that spark of hope ignites inside of him.

Magnus stares at him with a strange look on his face that is a mixed of surprise and amusement. A small smile appears at the corner of his mouth. “That’s a really big ‘what if’, Simon,” he says eventually, taking a deep breath in. “But I guess you could at least try. I’ll take you back to the town so you can go talk to them.”

“You won’t be joining me?” Simon asks.

“No, I need to keep my identity hidden from them,” Magnus says sadly, “in case your plan fails. I have to protect other creatures too, Simon. I’m sorry.” And Simon hums thoughtfully, nodding his head to tell the man that he understands.

“Well,” Magnus suddenly says after a while, standing up. “You must be hungry, you haven’t eaten anything since you woke up. Let’s go eat something first, then I’ll take you back to town, okay?”

Simon smiles brightly before standing up and following the other man back inside. It’s good now, the tension is gone, and there’s hope. Simon believes his friends can change, for the better. He has hope for them.

***

The ride back to town is mostly in silence. The radio is turned on per Simon’s request and sometimes a pop song would come up and to Simon’s surprise, Magnus sings along with every word and Simon quickly joins in not long after.

They have remembered to take Simon’s phone out of the drawer in the study, and Simon got to say goodbye to Maximus, who has turned invisible at some point, and the owl has hooted back softly. Simon didn’t turn on his phone though, not fully ready to face his friends yet. He knows he has to talk to them sometimes today, but, there’s still time, and he’d like to take that time for himself, to gather courage and everything.

Magnus stops the car outside of Simon’s house and both of them doesn’t make any move to get out or anything.

“So,” Magnus says tentatively. “Are you sure about this?” Simon doesn’t actually know. They have discussed about it a little when they were eating back at Magnus’ house. Magnus is skeptical about his friends’ reaction and Simon is more hopeful. “You know that there’s a chance where they wouldn’t change their mind, right?” Magnus reminds him.

That is one of the thing that’s eating him up. Simon knows his friends _could_ react badly, and by then he’d already tell them the whole story. They would find a way to get to Raphael, Simon doesn’t believe that his friends would use him to lure out the other boy, but Magnus seems to think differently.

“Yeah, I know,” Simon replies quietly, and the other man nods.

“Okay, Simon,” he says, still a little skeptical. “If you really believe in your friends, then well, I guess you can take that risk. But keep this in mind, Simon, Raphael’s live is on the line here, not just your friendship with them.”

Simon nods, rubbing a hand down his face. “I know,” he says again, voice small.

“Okay then,” Magnus says, the confident edge is back in his voice. “Now get out of my car. I have things to do. Go on, shoo.” He makes a shooing gesture and Simon can’t help but crack a big smile. He says one last goodbye to the man and exits the car. Magnus doesn’t drive away until Simon is inside the house, watching the older man slowly pulling through the living room window.

He sits down on the couch, head thrown back against the backrest, eyes closed and thinking. The sun outside is slowly setting, letting an orange-ish color stream into the room through the half-closed blinds. Simon takes in the last bits of warmth from the sun on his arm, where the last of sunlight still shining through. He stays there until the warmth is mostly gone, then stands up and gets himself a cup of water from the kitchen.

Simon leans his hips against the kitchen counter, turning on his phones to see about fifty messages waiting for him. Some of them are from his sisters, thanking him for covering for her, the rest are from his friends, asking if he’s okay. He reads through them quickly before goes into his contact list, looking for Clary’s number. He hits call before he can think too much of it.

Clary picks up on the second ring, her voice frantic and full of worry. “Hey, Simon, are you alright?” she says, “Your message from earlier was kind of cryptic and you didn’t say anything back at all. Is everything alright? Did you sort out whatever you had to do?”

Simon presses the phone hard to his ear, walking back to the living room, taking his glass of water with him. “Yeah,” he says, forcing a smile into his voice. “I’m alright. It’s just some stuff for the house. Hey, Clary, can I talk to you?” He tries to keep the uncertain out of his voice, but Clary, being his best friend since they were still little, definitely catches that.

“Yeah, of course,” she reassures him. “Is something wrong, Simon?”

“Nothing is wrong,” Simon tells her. “I just need to talk to you. All of you. Not over the phone, though, can you guys come over to my house?”

“All of us?” she asks. “Sure, we’ll be there in a few. Simon, are you sure nothing is wrong?”

“Yeah, Clary,” Simon says. “It’s just—it’s just something important, and I want to say it to you guys face to face.”

“Oh, okay, then. See you in a few.” Then she hangs up, and Simon drops his phone on the coffee table besides his glass of water. The room is mostly in darkness now, and Simon stands up to turn on the lights, wincing when the sudden brightness hits his eyes.

He turns on the TV next, not really wanting to watch anything, just needs the background noise to stop his brain from thinking too hard. From Simon’s experience throughout all of his live, thinking too hard has never been good for him. And he can’t back out now, he’d rather do it now, maybe fuck up at some parts, than thinking about it too much then backing out like a little coward that he knows he is.

It takes about ten minutes for the sound of cars stopping right outside his house to come, and Simon quickly stands up from the couch, where he’s been staring blankly at the TV, and makes his way to the door rather hurriedly. He opens up the door, and faces with a surprised Jace, who’s having his fist up to knock.

“Wow, that was fast,” the blond boy says, grinning.

They all settle in the living room, Simon turns off the TV, leaving the room in a deafening silence. In the next moment or two, his friends asks him about his well-being and Simon answers in monosyllables. The group take the hint almost immediately and keep their silence, glancing around and exchanging looks with each other, while Simon tries to gather the last of his thoughts.

“Okay,” Simon says eventually, standing up and facing his friends. They are all staring at him with some caution in their eyes but he chooses to ignore all that and goes on, “I have something to tell you guys, and I know you’d try to deny it or think that I’m crazy or whatever. Just, I have to say it, okay?” A chorus of ‘okay,’ and ‘go ahead,’ and ‘sure,’ rings around the room, and Simon takes a deep breath in. “I don’t want you to hurt Raphael.”

Which, admittedly, not the brightest thing Simon’s said in his entire live because all of his friends have that confused look on their faces. “Who’s Raphael?” Clary is saying, at the same time Izzy pipes in, “Raphael the guy you had a crush on?”

Simon groans helplessly. “No. Well, yes, but you—” he tries to say but the words tripping over each other in his head and he’s having trouble even seeing straight.

“Why would we want to hurt this Raphael guy?” Jace says, amused. “I mean, he did break your little heart and all, but we don’t even know who this guy is. How are we going to hurt him?”

“No, see, that’s the problems,” Simon seems to have found his words back, pointing at what Jace just said. “I think you know who he is.” Jace tries to retort but Simon holds his hands up and stops the boy. “I know what you are, and what you do. You guys are Hunters, right? You hunt magical creatures to, like,  protect world’s peace or whatever, right? I mean, yeah, I learned about that too, that there are magical creatures and…”

And now he’s rambling on and no one is stopping him. Simon paces around the room and start ranting about the Soul-stealing Birds, and how there must be cooler name for such a great kind of birds. From the corner of his eyes, Simon can vaguely tell that all his friends are eyeing him warily. Alec has his impassive look at usual, but there’s a careful edge in his posture, Jace has a slight frown on his face as he listens to Simon’s ramble and two girls exchanging looks with each other. There’s one thing they have in common, they all have that hard, calculating look in their eyes.

“Alright,” Alec says loudly, stopping Simon’s midway through his list of names for the bird. Simon silently thank God someone speaks up because if the rambling goes on any longer, he’d bring Magnus’ name up and he’d promised the man that he would leave him out of this. “Simon, sit down. Drink your water, and begin again. Calmly,” Alec orders coolly, and Simon obliges.

He drinks his water slowly, wishing it was the calming tea Magnus has offered him this morning, and avoids meeting his friends’ eyes. They watch him in silence, don’t say anything until Simon’s done with the glass of water. “Alright,” Alec says again, leaning forward a little. “Now let’s start again. How do you know about us?”

Oh, so they’re going straight into business then. That’s fine with Simon, he thinks, it’s better than speaking around and ending up in another meaningless ramble. “Someone told me,” Simon says, glad that his voice comes out even.

“Who?” Alec demands, and Simon just shrugs, avoiding his hard stare.

“Someone,” Simon answers, putting the glass down the coffee table. “I promised not to bring up their name, so…”

“Fine, then,” Alec says, an edge of annoyance in his voice. “How much do you know?”

He fixes Simon a cold look that Simon tries so hard to ignore. He chooses to look over to Clary, and well, it’s weird. She isn’t that scared girl like last night at the lake after something, probably Raphael, pulled her legs. Instead, her eyes are sharp and she has her arms folded across her chest, staring straight at him. She looks so different that Simon almost doesn’t recognize her.

“I know enough,” he says to the floor, keeping his voice clear and uncracking. “I know you’re after Raphael.”

“Are you now?” Alec challenges but it doesn't sound much like a question. “That kid should be dead, Simon. He should’ve been dead a long time ago, but he’s not. Something like that shouldn’t be alive and causing troubles.”

Simon looks up and glares at the other boy. “What troubles?” Simon grits through his teeth, trying to hold down his anger at the other boy’s words. “He hasn’t done anything but keeping troubles away for the past decade.”

“Simon,” Clary says from the side, and Simon turns to her. “He’s dangerous, okay? Who knew what would have happened last night if I hadn’t got out of the lake in time. He could’ve dragged me down and drowned me. I could’ve been dead.”

“He had no intentions to kill you,” Simon bites back, feeling the heat rushing through his body in hot, angry waves. “You were pissing off Arkstar, Raphael was only trying to get you away. He was trying to keep us all safe. That’s his job.”

“Look, Simon—” Jace tries to speak up from Alec’s side but Simon cuts right in, “No, you look. Can’t you see it? There has been no death at the lake over the past decade. Raphael is a good person and he’s just trying to keep everyone safe. So please, guys. Don’t hurt him.”

There’s a long silence following that sentence and everybody looking around, speaking with each other through their eyes, sending messages that Simon can’t quite decipher.

“Simon,” Clary says, reaching out to touch his hand. He lets her, not knowing what else to do. “You—you really like this guy, don’t you?” Simon nods, and she moves away from Izzy’s side to sit next to him. She pulls him in a tight hug, and Simon can’t help but lean into the touch. He misses this, missing having his best friend there and comfort him all the times. God, these past days have had a lots of changes and Simon can’t even pinpoint out most of them. “It’s okay, Simon. I’m just worried for you. He’s—he’s a monster, you know. What if he hurts you and—”

“He wouldn’t,” Simon exclaims, pulling away to look at her in the eye, to let her know how much he trusts Raphael. “And he’s not a monster. He’s just—he’s just a boy, okay? Just a boy.”

She nods hesitantly. “Okay, Simon,” she says quietly, and if she cries then he’s going to cry, and he doesn’t want that. He’s trying to keep his cool for this conversation. “If—if you like him that much, then… I wouldn’t stop you. We won’t hurt him, for you. But we still have to take down the other monster.”

“No,” Simon breathes, his throat suddenly feels dry and hurt. “No, don’t. He—Arkstar, he—he has been good. Last night was... we were just being so loud and it disturbed him. He isn’t bad anymore. He’s become more friendly, and—”

“Simon, he’s a giant squid,” Clary says, cupping his face with her hands, and stares straight into his eyes. “He is anything but friendly. If he ever escapes from his cage, who knows what havoc he can bring to his world. It’s our job to prevent that from ever happens.”

“But,” Simon tries, taking her hands off his face. “But you’re not even giving him a chance. What if he could change, huh? What then? You would just be killing an innocent squid who is trying to _be good._ ”

“That squid is anything _but_ innocent, Simon,” Jace says, and Simon turns to look at him, can’t help the gasp coming out of his mouth. It’s so weird seeing Jace like this, not happy and bright and smiley. Right now, he’s having a big frown on his face, the lines of his mouth are hard and his eyes are sharp, staring straight at Simon predatorily. Alec puts a hand on his friend’s arm, and the blond boy calms down a little. “Do you remember the story Magnus told us at the coffee shop the other day? The legend about the giant beast living in the lake? Well, he’s not far off. It’s not a legend. It’s real. That squid has taken away many lives and it doesn’t _deserve_ to live.”

“You can’t decide that,” Simon barks. “He’s done bad things, sure, but he’s changing. Isn’t that a good thing?” He turns back to his best friend. “Clary, don’t you think so?” The girl hesitates, saying something incoherent under her breath, and Simon pulls away from her, standing up and feeling so betrayed. “Clary, c’mon,” he begs, and the red haired girl still can’t form an answer for him. She looks at him with big and teary eyes and Simon has to turn away.

“Simon,” Clary says, her voice cracking a little. “It’s a _monster._ It’s dangerous.” Simon shakes his head, can’t believe in his own ears. He can’t believe his best friend is siding with those cruel people.

His mother chooses that moment to open the front door, walking in with a cheery smile on her face. “Oh, you kids. I didn’t know you guys were coming over. Are you staying for dinner?” she asks them in a joyful tone, completely obvious to the intensity in the room.

“No,” Simon bites, turning back at everyone—are they even his friends anymore? Simon can’t even tell—and stares straight at them with blank, dark eyes. “They’re just leaving.” And with that, he exits the living room, running quickly and not turning back to look.

Izzy is saying something but he’s too far away to make out the words, and he doesn’t care, just keep running until he’s in his dark room, the moonlight outside shines bright streams through the blinds.

Simon falls heavy down his bed, his glasses digging into his skull as he presses his face down the mattress. He doesn’t know how long he stays like that, listening to the sounds of cars pulling away from his house, and his mother’s footsteps coming in closer.

“Simon,” she says after a knock. “Are you coming down for dinner?”

“Yes, Mom,” he answers back, and his mother lingers for a second or two too long, before stepping away without saying anything. It’s fine, he’s not in the mood for chitchat anyway.

Becca comes home just as he reaches the last step of the stairs, smiling brightly at her family. Her smile dies a little as she sees the expression on Simon face, blank and tired. She pulls him in a corner, out of their mother ear range, and speaks to him in a yell whisper, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Simon shrugs. “Nothing, just…” he tries, arranging the words in his head. “I had a talk with my friends.”

“You told them everything?” she asks, a little amazed.

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Oh, Si, I take it that didn’t go too well?” she says, and he nods. She stays silent for a second before ruffling his hair playfully. “Hey, don’t worry kid. They’re your friends, they’ll come around. Now let’s go eat some dinner.”

Then she pulls him into the dining room, the table is all set by their mother, and setting him down the seat next to her. She proceeds to tell her family about what a great day she just had, their mother pipes in every now and then for some questions. Simon stays silent most of the time, planning for tonight trip to the lake.

In his head, Simon knows it’s quite dangerous with his friends and everything going on, but he wants to see Raphael. He wants to make sure the boy is still alright, wants to touch him and warn him of what’s coming.

Simon sighs heavily and excuses himself to his room, closing the door tightly behind him and falls down his bed once again. He lies face down until his lungs starting to hurt by the lack of air, then he turns around and faces the ceiling. He lies there and waits, for his family to go to bed, for the night to fully take over so that he can go and meet the lonely boy at the lake.

He closes his eyes for a second, trying hard not to think about the conversation with his friends, almost pretends like it didn’t happen. He’s not regretting that he’d told them, after all, they did decide they wouldn’t hurt Raphael. It’s just—he just wishes that the conversation had turned out better than it did.

Whatever, though. It doesn’t matter anymore. What’s done is done, and now Simon has to lie here and pray to God that his friends don’t choose this night for their attack. Please, God, just this one time, please grant him this one favor. Please.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh so this chapter is focusing on Raphael and Simon, and a lot of saphael goodness, it took a lot of effort to write because I can't write cute stuff for shit, but hey, I tried, and I hope you guys like it :)

Simon must have fallen asleep at some point of waiting for his family to go to bed because he startles awake, jolted up on his bed, looking around the darkness of his room in confusion. It takes him a long time to finally come back to it, back to reality and the conversation earlier. He sits on the bed for a while, head buried in hands as the alarm clock ticks over to 12:49 AM.

Heaving a long sigh out of his chest, Simon stands up and starts getting ready. He changes into his favorite swim trunks, the red one with three diagonal white lines running down on leg. It’s simple but he likes it, likes the simplicity and the mix of two colors in just a right combination. He gathers up his bag, still has things from last night that he didn’t get to take out all day today, and he doesn’t even bother to check it again.

He shoulders his bag and gives his room one last look, as if this is the last he’s going to see again or something, it’s a strange action, he knows, but it fits in with the mood somehow. After some moments, he sighs out a quiet breath then makes his way to the window and climbs out as quietly as he can, not wanting to wake his sister up if she’s already gone to bed.

As it turns out, she hasn’t. Simon lands down the ground with a rather loud thump, making him wince out loud, which doesn’t really help with the situation. His phone then starts to vibrate soundlessly in the pocket of his hoodie and Simon takes it out with fumbling hands, almost dropping it to the cold hard ground.

_ be safe, kid. _ Becca. Simon can’t help the small smile sneaking its way to his face as he reads those three simple words. He looks up to his sister’s window, the room is dark but Simon can realize the faint light of the phone screen light up in a small corner. His smile widens as he texts her back with a quick ‘thank you’.

She doesn’t answer back, but it’s alright, it’s enough to lift up the mood notably. He tries to focus on the positive, on thoughts of what’s his sister is doing at this late hour, on the fact that he’s going to see Raphael again. In that moment, he can pretend his friends aren’t actually homicidal maniacs.

Simon walks briskly to the lake, occasionally looking over his shoulder as he feels someone’s eyes on him, but it’s always just the empty street staring back at him. He decides to put it down as his paranoia acting up.

As he walks past the woods edge, humming his favorite song just to have some sound for company, a bird flies past him in a hurry, white flash and lands itself on a tree branch nearby. Simon has to take a moment to press his hand to his chest as his breath caught in his throat and his heart beating over a mile an hour. Holy fucking God, what’s up with the magical creatures? Always popping out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of him.

“Maximus,” Simon says indignantly, staring up at the owl’s white form against the darkness of the night. “What are you doing here? Did Magnus send you?”

The bird, of course, says nothing back, just stares down at him with big, dark eyes that seem to be boring into his soul. Simon can’t help but squirm visibly under the gaze. After a moment of just watching him, Maximus hoots dully, then flaps his wings a few times before flying off towards where Simon’s heading. Simon hastily runs after it, breathing hard through his mouth and nose as he tries to keep up. It’s not fair. Maximus has wings and Simon has to run through trees on legs, dodging the tree branches sticking out and avoiding the tree roots that could potentially trip him to his death.

He finally catches up with the bird, standing in front of the lake—still beautiful in that eerie way as ever—and doubling over to catch his breath. The lake is empty, no sign of Raphael, just ripples sometimes popping up as the fishes rising to catch some air. Maximus is settled on a tree branch high above and when Simon flails his hand up to wave at him, the bird turns away to face the lake, eyes still big and focused. Simon chooses to ignore whatever the bird’s intentions are and makes his way to the pier.

Stopping at the end, Simon drops his back down the wooden platform a little too carelessly, and it gives out a thunk that rings too loudly in Simon’s ears. He squeezes his eyes shut and waits for the ringing to stop and for the woods to get back to its natural sound again before opening them, only to see a frowning Raphael floating in one place not too far away from him. 

Cracking a big smile to greet the other boy might not be a good idea because his frown only deepens as he swims closer. Raphael doesn’t have his cover on, which only makes his expression even more serious and a slight bit scary.

Simon sits down the pier as the other boy climbs up and does the same. Simon absently notices that the boy is still wearing the swim trunks he’s given him the other night. He doesn’t know why it gives a sort of comfort, but it does.

They sit side by side, eyes fixating downward at the lake surface being disturbed by their idly swinging legs.

“Are you mad about what happened last night?” Simon asks after a while, a note of nervousness in his voice, which earns him a longing sigh from the the other.

“No, Simon, I’m not mad,” Raphael replies in that tone of ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’, which only makes Simon want to jump down the lake, and maybe swim forever and away from this whole mess.

“Okay,” is what Simon decides to say, because his brain is running a little blank right now.

“Simon, I—” Raphael pauses, taking time to arrange his words. “I’m not mad at you okay? It’s just—it’s Arkstar. He was quite pissed off after last night and I had to spend all morning trying to cheer him up. Cheering an angsty squid with big mommy issues is not an easy task, Simon. I’m just a little tired, is all.”

“Oh, alright,” Simon mutters into the little space between them. He bumps his shoulder with Raphael, and when the boy looks up at his lopsided smile, he cracks a smile of his own too. Things are going good now.

“Simon, if you had wanted to bring your friends here, you could’ve at least given me a warning first. So I could talk to Arkstar first and all,” Raphael says, voice a little nervous. Simon narrows his eyes at the boy. What does he have to be nervous for? And then he realizes that Raphael probably wants to meet his friends. And you can probably hear to sound of Simon heart shattering into tiny little pieces by the thought of that would never, ever happen. Or, at least not in the way that both of them would hope for.

“I, um. Yeah, I’m sorry. I was kind of a last minute decision, so, uh. I was just as surprised as you were,” Simon says, scratching idly at the back of his head. Raphael hums his acknowledgement, and swings his legs back and forth gently under the water.

They stay silent for a little while, and it’s a comfortable one so Simon isn’t rushing to break it. He can feel Maximus’ gaze on the both of them from up on the tree, and he glances at the owl from the corner of his eye. Simon doesn’t know if it’s an owl thing or what, but the bird has that blank look on his face that can easily come straight from a horror movie. He chooses to ignore the bird completely and turns to Raphael, deciding that he should just get into the warning before he can think too much about it.

“Hey, Raph—” Simon says at the same time Raphael speaks up, “So do you—”

They both come to a halt and looks at the other in waiting. Raphael cocks his head to tell Simon to go on, but he only chuckles nervously and says, “No, it’s fine, you go first.”

Raphael quirks a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Fine. I just want to ask you if you want to go for a swim. It’s been a while, you know. We can race. I’ll even give you a head start.”

A bright smile appears on Simon face before he can stop it and he nods his head almost immediately. “Hey, if I’m going to win, it’s gonna be square and fair. I don’t need your pity head start,” he exclaims as he takes off his shirt and shoes, throwing them in a messy pile near his bag. Raphael giggles in delight and hops down the water.

“We’ll see about that,” he says challengingly then squawks as Simon jumps down hard next to him, splashing water all over his head.

Their laughter echoes through the woods, banging off the tree trunks and carried away by the passing winds as the race starts up with them splashing water playfully at the other to slow them down or just to plainly annoy them.

In that moment, everything is perfect. It’s just like any other night, before _ , _ you know, with just the both of them swimming around, Simon talking wildly about some movie or TV show and Raphael listening in attentively though he acts like he can’t wait for Simon to shut his mouth up. It’s good. It’s great, actually. It’s awesome, and Simon wants to live in that moment forever.

But Simon’s words caught in his throat as cruel reality comes back to him like a punch in the guts, and he knows he can’t avoid talking about it any longer.

So, he stops in his swim and turns back to Raphael, who is having a brilliant smile on his face as he tilts his head in confusion at Simon’s sudden stop. Simon stares at the boy, admiring his beauty under the moonlight, forgetting what he’s going to say. He doesn’t get the chance to remember it, though, as Raphael suddenly surges forward in a quick flash and crashes his lips against Simon’s. 

It’s awkward, at first, and a little sore as the other comes in too fast, but it quickly becomes sweet and soft and Simon can feel himself melts away piece by piece as Raphael deepens the kiss. A hand comes up to caress his cheek, rough edges pressing into his skin, and Simon leans into the touch, sneaking a hand up to tangle in the wet locks of Raphael’s hair, and pulling lightly. The boy moans into the kiss and bites on Simon’s lower lips. Raphael’s fangs peirce through the tender skin, causing Simon to hiss sharply into the kiss and Raphael immediately pulls back, eyeing him carefully.

“Shit, Simon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—” Raphael says, words rushing over each other as he tries to pull up his cover, the gills and fangs slowly disappearing from the normal eyes. He eyes Simon’s bleeding lips guiltily, and Simon just stares back at him, licking his lips and tasting metal. He winces quietly as his tongue touches the bite mark, which only makes Raphael drifts further from him. 

Simon quickly reaches out to pull the boy back in, smiling. “Hey, it’s fine,” Simon assures Raphael, cupping the boy’s cheek with his hand. He buries his lower lips between his teeth, sucking in all the blood until it’s dried up. “It’s fine, really. I meant it when I said you don’t have to hide from me. And, uh,” he blushes furiously, but right now, he doesn’t care, “I kinda like it.”

Raphael quirks an eyebrow at him, a smirk appearing on his face. “Of course you would, you kinky bastard,” he says teasingly, and leans in for another kiss, his teeth biting down Simon’s lip again, but gentler this time. Simon can’t help but groan incitingly as Raphael drags his tongue gently over Simon’s lower lip, over the healing bite marks. The boy’s hand returns to Simon’s cheek while another grips Simon, not hard enough to leave bruise, but enough to make a tiny, desperate whine to escape his mouth, and Raphael swallow it all up.

The kiss finally comes to an end when Simon’s need for air arises, and they both pull away reluctantly. The sight of Raphael in front of it makes it seem almost worth it, though. All swollen lips, blushed cheeks, lidded eyes with a deep desire lurking underneath and beautiful, beautiful pale skin that seems to glow brilliantly under the moonlight.

Simon stares at the boy, a sheepish smile on his face, so wide that Simon thinks he must look like an idiot right now. But Raphael only smiles back just as bright, and leans in for a quick, chaste kiss after Simon is done catching his breath.

“I really like kissing you,” Raphael breathes hoarsely after the fourth (fifth? Seventh? Simon doesn’t really keep count) kiss, and Simon hums contentedly agreement.

“I really like kissing you, too,” he echoes, and leans in for one last, sweet kiss, pulling away way too soon, despite Raphael’s rumble of protest. As appealing as the idea of making out with Raphael under the pale moonlight, he still needs to talk to the boy.

“We need to talk, Raph,” he starts, suddenly feels like the life has just been sucked out of him, leaving him an empty corpse to face the aftermath of this whole horrible mess.

“Okay,” Raphael says, a slight frown making its way to his face. “Is everything alright,  _ querido _ ?”

And fuck, Raphael speaking Spanish in that hoarse, kiss-ruined voice is not helping with Simon’s situation at all.

“No, it’s—I mean, yes— just…” Simon stutters, avoiding the boy’s eyes, because he knows he wouldn’t be able to resist another kiss if he so much as looked at the boy’s face. “It’s about my friends,” he tries again, and Raphael rumbles lowly in worry. “Let’s—let’s get back to the pier, yeah?”

Raphael agrees wordlessly and they both return to the wooden pier, sitting down side by side like they did before. 

“Okay, what about your friends?” Raphael questions when they’re all settled.

“They’re, uh, they’re Hunters.” Simon ducks his head as if the fact embarrases him. Before Simon can figure out if Raphael even knows what a Hunter is, Raphael hums thoughtfully.

“Ah, that explains it,” he says casually.

“Explain what?” Simon turns to the boy, eyebrow quirked in question.

“Why my hand burnt when I touched your friends. I guess the Sun gave them some protection or whatever, huh. I didn’t really pay attention when the corals explained that stuff to me.”

“You were hurt?” Simon fusses, feeling a pool of anger and worry growing inside of him. He grabs Raphael’s hands despite the boy’s protest, and start checking for injury. The other boy chuckles in delight as he lets Simon turning his hands around.

“I’m alright, Simon,” he says, voice a little too amused. “Just a light burn that didn’t take long to heal.”

Simon hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t let go of the boy’s hands, holding them in his own, feeling the worn out skin against his. Raphael doesn’t seem to mind at all, he lets Simon observing his hands intently, and squeezes lightly when Simon entangles their hands together.

They’re holding hands now, and Simon is blushing like a teenage girl, and he needs to get back to the conversation, ASAP.

“Um, yeah, so my friends are, you know, that,” Simon says, and Raphael quirks an eyebrow at him. “But that’s not the main point. The main point is, um…”

“What is it,  _ corazon? _ ” And Simon has to hold back the whine because God, Raphael’s doing it again and he really, really doesn’t want to pop a boner when they’re talking about this, okay?

“They’re—” he tries, then clears his throat, ducking his head to hide the blush taking over his entire face. “They’re after Arkstar.”

“Well, that is to be expected, isn’t it? I mean, that is their sole mission on Earth or whatever. But no worries,” Raphael grins brightly, “the Moon will keep them at bay.” He looks up to the half Moon up over head. God, this is serious not the time to think about scraping his teeth down the porcelain skin of Raphael’s neck. Get a fucking grip, Simon.

“Yeah, she can do that, but, um. Mag—” Simon doesn’t get to finishes his words because Maximus hoots loudly in a warning tone, flying away from his tree branch and landing near them on the pier. Raphael furrows his brows in alarm.

“Is this bird yours?” Raphael asks, looking at the bird cautiously. The bird stares back with those big, blank eyes. “It just said ‘don’t’.”

“You can understand him?” Simon gushes, eyes bright with interest.

“Yeah, can’t you?” Raphael says, nonchalant. Simon shakes his head. “Hm. I’ve seen the bird here a few times before, actually. It never said anything until now.”

“Really?” Simon says. “I wonder why he speaks now. I mean, Mag—” Once again, the bird cuts in with that warning hoot, and Simon narrows his eyes at the owl before turning to Raphael, waiting for a translation.

Raphael rolls his eyes. “It just said ‘don’t’ again. I guess it really doesn’t want you to say whatever it is you’re going to say.”

“Really?” Simon turns to the bird, and it only stares back at him with those disinterested blank eyes. Simon guesses if owls could roll their eyes, the bird would probably roll his eyes so hard at Simon right now. Instead, it just hoots, nonchalant.

“It said ‘yes’,” Raphael translate as Simon’s waiting look turn to him. “Weird. What even is it anyway? I’ve heard other animals make noises before, but none of them has a voice in my head.”

“Oh, really,” Simon says with much interest. The magical world is such an amazing place, seriously. He smiles brightly as he turns to the white owl, gesturing at the bird despite its lack of enthusiasm. “This is Maximus. He is a Soul-stealing Bird…”

Then he proceeds to explain to Raphael what a Soul-stealing Bird is, while Maximus stands aside, watching them. Raphael looks interested with his every words, nodding his head along with Simon’s explanation.

When Simon’s finally done with his rant about the cooler name for the bird, he lets his eyes fall back to Raphael’s face. The boy has an endearing smile on his face, looking at Simon with a gleam in his eyes. Then Simon doesn’t think, just lets the moment takes him where it wants, and leans in to presses his lips lightly on the other boy’s.

Raphael responds almost instantly, deepening their kiss. Simon shouldn’t be doing this right now, he still needs to talk to Raphael, but, God, he can’t stop. He likes the taste of Raphael’s in his mouth, chasing it with his tongue. 

The moment is ruined when Maximus hoots loudly near them, and Raphael pulls away, muffling his laughter on the crook Simon’s neck.

“What is it?” Simon asks, half angry for the interruption, half curious of what the bird has to say.

“Maximus just said ‘please stop’,” Raphael laughs, and Simon can’t help but snickering along. The pair laughs hysterically, and their laughter only grows when Maximus hoots again, which Raphael translates as ‘shut up’. The look on the bird’s face right now can be classified as ‘unamused’.

When the laughter finally dies down, Simon pants heavily to catch his breath as Raphael holds up their tangled hands and gives the back of Simon’s hand a quick peck. Simon ducks his head shily and a light blush rushing to his face. He decides to look at Maximus, and a small laugh escape him because that is totally the infamous ‘looks directly into the camera like I'm on The Office’ look on Maximus’ face right there. God, this bird is just the greatest. He briefly wonders why it’s classified as ‘monsters’ in the Hunters’ books but pushes the thought aside as it wakes the anger inside him.

“Raphael,” he swallows hard. “We, uh, we still need to talk.”

“I thought we just did?” Raphael quirks his eyebrow. Simon sighs out a long, drawn out breath.

“That wasn’t—” he pauses, looking for the right word. “I mean, that wasn’t all. The Hunters, they… I don’t think the Moon can stop them this time around.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“They, uh, they have me.” Raphael doesn’t say anything right away after that, just stares at him in a slight betrayal on his face. Simon quickly retraces his words and yeah, it doesn’t sound right, even to his ears. “That’s not—I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just—I’m afraid they’d use me to get to you, then Arkstar.”

“Oh,” Raphael breathes, relieved. “But, they’re your friends. They wouldn’t do something like that, right?”

“I—” To be honest, right now, he doesn’t know if that’s true or not anymore. After seeing that manic look on Jace’s face, a boy who is always happy and smiley, he doesn’t know if he even  _ knows _ any of his friends at all.

So he tells Raphael that, all of it, starting from the beginning, from this morning, leaving out Magnus’ name as Maximus lowly hoots his warning. Raphael listens with his brows furrows together, his eyes have turned sharp and careful, and Simon just wants to hug the boy and whisper sweet, soothing words in his ear. But he knows he can’t do that, not now at least. Right now, they have reality to face, and a dangerous future to prepare for.

“...My friends, they—it seems like I don’t even know them anymore,” Simon finishes, “Hell, Clary is my best friend, but she’s kept this away from me all this time. I don’t even know what to think, you know.”

Raphael gives his hand an assuring squeeze, and Simon breathes out, willing the sudden exhaustion in his body to rush out with it.

“Maybe I can talk to them again?” Simon offers, and Raphael growls lowly.

“No,  _ querido, _ I don’t want them to hurt you just to get to me or Arkstar,” Raphael says, his voice is soft with a hint of anger. Simon puts his head on the boy’s shoulder, letting his eyes fall shut and feeling the cool body next to him, a calming and comfortable present.

“It’s fine. I don’t think they would,” Simon says quietly. “It’s just… even though of what happened, of how badly our conversation went, I still think they can change.”

Raphael lets go of his hand in order to wrap his arm around Simon’s shoulder, pulling him close. Simon lets him, breathing quietly as the boy turns his head and press a small, soothing kiss to the top of his head.

“Okay,” the boy says finally, and Maximus hoots besides them. “ _ Dios mío,  _ this bird is awesome. Anyway, if you really think you can change their minds then who am I to stop you, right? Just… be careful, okay, Simon?”

“Yeah, I know,” Simon chuckles with the boy as Maximus hoots once again. He glances to the bird from the corner of his eye, seeing Maximus perching contentedly on the pier, eyes closed and listening.

They change the subject after that, and Raphael asks him about school and how much the world has changed. Simon answers with much enthusiasm, and Maximus hoots his opinion from time to time.

But their talk has to come to a stop when Simon’s phone vibrates violently in his hoodie pocket, shaking the wooden material of pier a little. 

Raphael gives him one long, last kiss before jumping back down the water. Simon gathers up his things and walks slowly to the shore, turning back to face Raphael’s unsure face in the water.

“Be careful,  _ mi amor, _ ” he says once again, and Simon nods, waving him goodbye. 

Maximus has taken a place on Simon’s right shoulder, eyes still closed as he bid the boy in the water goodbye with a low hoot, making a smile creeping to Simon’s face. He walks slowly out of the woods, Maximus is a calming weight on his shoulder.

When they cross the woods edge, into the pavement, Maximus hoots one last time, to which Simon assumes is ‘goodbye’, and flies off into the night. Simon stares after it for a long moment before taking in a big breath and walks back to his home.

***

The next morning at school is like torture. Simon keeps looking around for his friends, half expecting them to jump out of a fucking locker or some shit and start ranting about how every magical creature is evil. The other half? Simon doesn’t even know. 

He stops at his locker for a minute, just staring at it blankly before someone taps him on the shoulder. He turns around to see Clary, face sad and guilty.

“Hey, Simon,” she greets awkwardly, and Simon hums his ‘hello’ back. God, this is actual torture. It has never been like this between him and his  _ best friend _ in the whole word. They did have some fights from time to time, but it has never been like  _ this. _

“Here,” Clary says, a smile forcing on her face. She’s holding out a stack of papers for Simon and he takes it tentatively. “All the notes from the classes you missed yesterday.”

“Thanks,” he says quietly, not meeting her eyes but instead staring at the papers in his hand.

“It’s alright, you’d do the same for me,” she says chirpingly, and Simon smiles. She’s right. He would definitely do the same for her.

Then the air seems to shift around them. Clary takes his hand lightly, almost afraid that he would pull back, but when he doesn’t, she gives him a tight squeeze. “Simon, about yesterday… I—I’m really sorry, alright? We had a talk after we left your house and, uh, we think that you’re right.”

“What?” Simon says incredulously, staring at her with wide eyes.

“We agreed that since the monster hasn’t done anything bad since, uh, Raphael became the Keeper, we wouldn’t put it down,” Clary clarifies, giving him a small smile.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” she says, and Simon can’t help but grin widely at her. “And about Raphael…”

“Oh, him!” Simon says happily. “You guys should meet him, actually. I’d love for you to meet him.” He smiles helplessly at her, feeling his hope rushing back to his body as the thought that yes, he can introduce Raphael to his friends, and they aren’t going to do something bad to him. Fuck. For once, Simon’s life is actually great.

“Yeah, we’d love to meet him too,” Clary says, a smile in her voice. “When can that happen?”

“I don’t know,” Simon offers, “I’ll talk to him tonight, if he’s okay with it, then you guys can meet tomorrow night or something.”

“Great,” Clary is smiling widely now. The bell rings, alerting them of first period, and they walk together to class, chatting happily about everything and nothing at all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, i know it's been like a thousand years since my last update and I'm so, so sorry for that. Life got in the way and I had school and everything, not until a few days ago, a notification that someone had commented popped up and apparently people still read this fic, and God, that just filled me with determination to finish this. And I will, I promise. Chapter 18 is in writing right now, I'll push myself as hard I as can to see this to the end. And thanks everyone for sticking with me til this very moment. I love you with all of my heart, please know that!

The day goes on with a cheery tone surrounding Simon. His friends and him are now on good terms again. They sit together at lunch, chatting happily about anything in the world, but… they don’t talk about Raphael, or the lake, or anything that involves those two. It’s strange, to say the least. Don’t get him wrong, he is more than happy to get his friends back—because honestly, being away from his friends are hard, they’re all he’s got aside from his family, and… he doesn’t want to lose them.

There’s just this nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach, pulling at him, telling him there’s something definitely not… _ right. _ His solution to that, as he does with almost every problem in his life, is to ignore it, because, really, he doesn’t want to deal with that and doesn’t want to suffer through the feeling like he’s about to lose his friends, maybe for good this time around.

So he ignores it, putting it back at the far corner of his mind and forcing it to stay. But well, it doesn’t stay, it keeps jumping out at him whenever his friends exchange a whole conversation through their eyes that they think he doesn’t notice. And it doesn’t help with the way they seem to be more focused on him now, paying attention to  _ all  _ the things he says as if they are… what? Expecting him to talk more about the lake? About Raphael? So that they could find a good way to go there and—

No. He won’t think about that. They’re his friends and he trusts them. 

So Simon keeps that thought in his mind, pinning it to the top to remind him that these people here, they’re his friends and he trusts them, and they will never, ever, do anything to hurt him or the people he cares about. 

The school day passes by easier with that.

When school’s finally over, Clary offers to drive him home but he declines, opting to walk home in the cool afternoon air. Clary doesn’t say anything, just smiles brightly at him, a bit of uncertainty hidden deep behind her eyes, as she walks off to the parking lot with the rest of their friends.

He waves at them one last time before setting off to his own house. The walk is pleasant and mostly quiet. Simon keeps his hands inside the pockets of his jeans, mouth humming the theme song to one of his favorite TV shows. School isn’t that far away from his house, maybe a little farther than the woods, and the afternoon air, with its hurried rush as people start leaving their workplace (or school, like he is) to get back to the comfort of their own home, helps clear up his mind.

So he keeps his pace slowed, letting himself enjoying the fresh air and the urban view of the houses in the neighbourhood and finally arriving home when the sun is threatening to fall off of the horizon. 

Closing the door behind him, Simon spare a look around the empty house, covered in orange light casting in by the setting sun outside. He smiles to himself a little as he thinks about how the house have the same beautifully eerie feeling of the lake. Taking a deep breath in and feeling solemnly content, he makes his way upstairs to his room.

Simon drops his bag besides his desk and falls a bit too heavily onto the bed. Hm, this feels great, something soft beneath him, supporting him instead of his own two feet. 

He lays there for a while, until the orange light shifts softly to something darker of the night. Pushing himself of the bed, the next thing he decides to do is to take a shower and wash off the sudden exhaustion that seems to come with the sunset. But before that, he needs to clean up his room a bit, picking up the scattered clothes on the floor of his bedroom.

With a rather large pile of clothes holding in one hand, Simon tries his best to rummage through the pockets of the jeans hanging off the bag of his desk chair, looking to see if he’s forgotten any loose change or anything else, without dropping the clothes already in his hand. He stops in his track when he comes up with a business card inside the back pocket.

Simon carefully puts the clothes back down the floor, all while observing the card in his hand. It’s a business card on one side, the other is blank except for the line of number that looks like it was written in a hurry. He stares at it under the bright light overhead—which he’d turned on since the Moon has took her place and no long brings enough light into the room—and it takes him a long moment before he realizes this is a phone number. Which belongs to Zachary. Raphael’s little brother.

It takes him another moment for that thought to sink in and  _ shit.  _ Simon’s completely forgotten about Zach, but really, the past few days have been a lot. But fuck, Zach must’ve been waiting for him to call or text, and Simon just… he just forgot about him.

Well, he can call him now. Or just, you know, text him.  Yeah, that’s definitely better, since it’ll give him more time to think about what he’s going to say, instead of letting his mouth run off and blurting out something like ‘hey, so, yeah, I’m kinda dating your dead brother now’. Needless to say, that isn’t going to do. At all.

So, in the end, Simon takes his phone out and types a simple ‘hi, it’s Simon’ with a lame excuse of being busy with school before sending it out to Zach. He watches the notification ‘message sent’ appearing at the bottom of his screen and realizes that there’s a high chance Zach has forgotten about  _ him _ . He curses under his breath before throwing the phone somewhere on the bed. It’s alright, if Zach doesn’t remember him, then well, they have time to get to know each other again.

With that thought, Simon crouches down to pick up the dirty clothes, along with the jeans on his desk chair, and makes to leave before stopping when his phone beeps. He once again has to put the clothes back down the floor—it really doesn’t matter, they’re all dirty anyway—and walks back to the bed. 

_ hey si, took you long enough. and its cool man, i know what high schools like, graduation was the best day of my life _

_ anw, im at work and my break is abt to be over. srry we cant talk rn. maybe tmr? _

His lips curl up into a small smile as he reads the text and sends back his answer—a simple  _ okay, ttyl _ —before sighing out that unreasonable anxiety inside of him and sets the phone down gently on his desk. 

He goes to gather up his clothes and makes his way to the bathroom down the hall. Dropping the pile in the laundry basket, along with the clothes on his body, Simon steps into the shower and sighs contently as the warm water hits his body and relief about a thousand years worth of stress.

He takes his time in the shower, that is, until the one thought that has been bothering him earlier that day suddenly jumps out at him once again. So he cuts his shower short and gets out before the thought can become something serious. He dries himself quickly before wrapping a towel around his waist and catching eyes with his own reflection in the bathroom mirror. Mirror-Simon stares at him with something intense and tired in his eyes, almost judging him, and he has to look away, turning to make his escape from the sudden confrontation.

He almost has a heart attack because, just as he opens the door, he catches Clary standing right outside, with a fist raised to knock. Simon yelps in horror as he clutches the towel tight to keep it from falling and granting him with a lifetime of embarrassment. Clary snickers into her hands before stepping aside and slapping him playfully on the butt as he passes her. Simon jumps at the contact and practically runs back to his room, locking his door for safety and putting on the first clothes his hands touches. 

Finally decent again, he unlocks the door and lets Clary, who raises her eyebrow amusedly at him, in. Simon has to use all of his power to push down the blush he feels burning on his cheek. It doesn’t work, of course, but hey, he can pretend.

“Did you come in through the window?” he asks as Clary sits down at his desk.

“Yeah. I knocked, but you didn’t answer. So I figured you must be in the bathroom or something and let myself in.” She cracks a smile at him that he can’t help but return. It’s not like this is the first time she’s done this, God knows he has climbed up her window so many times.

He walks over to the bed and takes a sit. “So,” he says cheerily, “what brought you here?”

Clary shrugs. “Just wanna talk to you, see how you’re doing. I feel like it’s been ages since we talk. Like, actually  _ talk, _ you know.”

Simon nods his head, agreeing with her. He also feels like it’s been forever since he’s had an actual talk with his best friend in the world. Before he can think of anything else to say though, Clary cuts in with a question. “Are you going to see Raphael tonight?”

“Yeah,” Simon answers, ducking his head and smiling to himself at the thought of seeing the other boy again.

“Tell him—tell him we say hi, okay?” Clary says, and he looks up to see her staring at her laps, a small frown between her eyebrows. “Did you tell him about, you know, about us being… hunters?”

“Yes, I did,” he answer succintantly. “Is there something wrong?”

Clary immediately looks up at him, shaking her head. “No, no,” she says quickly, and Simon narrows his eyes at her,  _ the feeling _ is popping up again, right there at the edge of his mind. He shoos it away. “No, nothing’s wrong. I just don’t want him to think we’re going to hurt him or anything. We really want to meet him, and, uh, maybe we can all be friends, you know?”

Simon nods his head slowly, the feeling is flashing in big red letter now, and  _ fuck,  _ he wants to believe her, but there’s just… something. Something about her tone of voice, a little too cheery and borderlining on the edge of being  _ fake.  _ “That’s cool,” he chooses to say, forcing a smile on his face. “I really want you guys to get along. And I trust you not to do anything bad.”

He puts a lot of emphasize on the last sentence, and Clary’s smile flutter for a second before getting brighter, too bright, and she nods, walking over to sit besides him, pulling him in a hug. “We won’t hurt Raphael,” she whispers in his ear, “I promise.”

The words cut through his skin like knifes, and he has to force himself to hug her back, whispering an ‘I trust you’ back to her, emphasizing on the words once again. He trusts her. He really does. She’s his best friend, and he trusts her. He closes his eyes and pushes away that nagging feeling again before pulling back, smiling genuinely at Clary. “I trust you,” he says again, more to convince himself than the other. “You’re my best friend. I trust you.”

Clary nods, smiling brightly, and in that moment, there’s nothing in her eyes but sincerity and Simon chides himself a little for thinking badly of her, of his friends. Maybe they are telling the truth, maybe they do want to meet Raphael and be his friends, and that is what Simon is choosing to believe now. So he pushes that stupid feeling back to dark depth of his brain and focus on the now.

He gives his best friend’s hand a gentle squeezes and the subject changes, along with the air inside the room, from something intense and heavy to something light and happy.

Clary stays for a while longer before heading back to her house—through the front door this time, as his mother has come home and wouldn’t react well if she caught Clary climbing down the window (again).

After eating dinner with his mother and helping her clean up, Simon retreats back to his room, lying down his bed, and sighs out heavily as the bed takes away some form of tiredness that always seem to be following him nowadays. Closing his eyes, he’s lured into a short, hazy sleep as the air seems so silent around him, only to be woken up by the beeping phone on the desk.

The night goes on rather uneventfully. He prepares his backpack almost out of habit now, just like the walk to the woods. Though it’s still very enjoyable, with the cool night breeze playfully brushing his cheek and the silent ambient of the night. The Moon is mostly hidden now, barely visible through the purple cloud on the endless canvas of the night sky, with shining dots of stars here and there.

And all things considered, Raphael reacts rather well when Simon says his friends want to meet him. 

“They do?” Raphael asks incredulously, a frown resides between his eyebrows. “What about Arkstar?”

“They—Clary said they changed their minds,” Simon explains, swimming towards the boy. “They won’t hurt Arkstar if he doesn’t hurt anyone.” Simon hesitates. “He’s not, right?”

“No, Simon, he’s not,” Raphael answers coolly, swimming away from him. Simon, as always, swims after him, and since the other boy’s pace is not fast, almost as if in a daze, it doesn’t take Simon much effort to catch up.

When he finally does, Raphael has come to a full stop, facing away from him, Simon only wraps careful arms around the boy shoulders, pulling him close, nuzzling his face against the back of Raphael’s neck. “Listen, they’re my friends and I… I trust them. They won’t do anything that can hurt someone I care about. They won’t hurt you. Or Arkstar.”

Raphael’s chuckle is delightful. “You care about Arkstar now? Should I be jealous?” Though Raphael can’t see it, Simon still rolls his eyes and pinches the boy’s upper arm. Which, in return, earn him an elbow to the fucking ribs.

Simon winces loudly, right into Raphael’s ear, just because he can, before pressing a small kiss at the back his right ear, earning him a very satisfying whimper. “But it’s up to you. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to meet them.” This comes out almost as a whisper, but he means it, it  _ would  _ be great if Raphael and his friends could meet, but he won’t mind if the boy doesn’t want to.

He hears Raphael sigh before turning to face him, wrapping his strong arms around Simon’s waist and pulling him much, much closer. So close that their nose almost touches. The water drifts lightly around them. “I trust you, Simon. If you say they won’t hurt me or Arkstar, then they can come here. I do want to meet your friends.”

Simon doesn’t know if he can smile any brighter than right now, and he slowly leans in for a kiss, which Raphael is more than happy to return.

The night goes on in the same moodlet, half drowsy half cheery. They swim around for a long while. Raphael leads him to a part of the lake that he’d never venture on alone, not even in the day, and the boy shows him around while speaking about the place with a small smile at the corner of his lips. Simon doesn’t hate the sudden change, with Raphael constantly speaking and Simon listening in intently. He never realizes how much he likes listening to the sound of Raphael’s voice.

The night reaches an end when a sudden rumble comes from beneath the lake and Raphael halts to a stop in the middle of talking about a deer he once saw drinking water from the lake.

“That must be Arkstar,” Raphael explains, sounding hesitant. Simon understands, he also doesn’t want to leave just yet. “He must be hungry, he haven’t eaten anything since the other night. I should go feed him.” Simon nods and they start swimming back to the pier. 

“Hey,” Simon says when he’s drying himself off. “When can my friends come here? Will tomorrow be okay?”

“Tomorrow?” Raphael says, thinking for a moment. “Why the rush?”

Simon shrugs, feeling his face heating up despite the cool night air. “I—I just want my friends to meet you.”

Raphael chuckles. “Okay, Simon, tomorrow’s fine,” the boy says, smiling. “Bye,  _ querido. _ ”

“Ugh, stop that,” Simon growls. 

“Stop what?” Raphael says innocently, although the smirk on his face is anything but.

“You know what,” Simon groans, crossing his arms over his chest. He knows he must look like a child right now, but he doesn’t care. Raphael is being all sexy and speaking Spanish and all Simon wants is to jump back into the water with him.

Raphael gestures for him to come close. Simon does, crouching so they’re at the same height once again. Raphael smiles fondly at Simon before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “Go home, Simon,” Raphael says, as soft as silk. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“Okay,” Simon says, breathless. He gathers up his things as Raphael swims backwards away from him. “Hey, Raphael?” he says as he finishes.

“Hmm?”

“Tomorrow will be great. I promise.”

“I trust you,” Raphael says, so sincere that it makes Simon’s heart ache. “Goodbye, Si.”

“Bye, Raph,” he says, waving. He watches as Raphael disappears underthe dark water. Then he stands there for a few more moments, letting the night breezes past him and taking in the smell nature. Tomorrow will be great.

He walks home with a big smile on his face.

***

They next day starts out very nice. He wakes up before his alarm even rings, even though he went to bed late last night, and rushing downstairs, fully dressed and smiling cheerfully, scaring both his mom and sister.

“What?” he asks them as he makes himself a bowl of cereal. “I have something on my face?”

“Yeah,” Becca says, raising an eyebrow. “You’re smiling. At 7:30 in the morning. Before your first cup of coffee.”

“So? That’s normal.”

“To some other people? Yes. To you? Definitely no.”

Their mom chuckles delightfully at the exchange and the moment she turns around, Simon flips Becca off. His sister only responds with a grin before bidding Simon and their mom goodbye and goes about her day.

After finishing his cereal, Simon takes the cup of coffee his mom’s made for him, not forgetting to kiss her on the cheek as a thank you as he takes his bag and rushes over to Clary’s house.

Unlike him, Clary is still drooling a bit at the corner of her mouth as she drifts off slowly in front of her half-eaten pancakes. Simon smiles fondly at the sight, realizing how much he’s missed this, and wakes the red-haired girl up so she can start getting ready. Clary returns the smile and finishes off her pancakes before running upstairs, slowing down when her mother berates her about running after a meal.

Simon chats with Clary’s parents as he waits for her, answering dutifully to questions about school and their other friends. He has to suppress a sigh of relief when Clary finally walks into the living room and rescues him from the non-stop trains of questions.

The day goes on like any other typical day, with a new part of them planning a trip to the lake later tonight. After a long, drawn out discussion, they finally agree on spending the night at Simon’s, like a sleepover, and when his family goes to sleep, they can sneak out. It’s just like what Simon does every night, except with more people. It’ll work.

When the last school bell rings, the group part way to go back to their own house and get whatever supplies they need before regrouping at Simon’s.

His mother’s home early today and more than a bit skeptical about his friends spending the night over on a school day.

“It’s for a project, mom,” he lies, making a puppy face that he knows she isn’t able to resist. And he’s right, she rolls her eyes lovingly and mutters her approval before shooing him away so she can work. He kisses her on the cheek before running to his room.

His friends finally come over an hour later, he hears them before he even sees them, greeting his mom excitedly downstairs. They spend the rest of the evening in his room, finishing their own homework and chatting idly with each other.

Simon sits on the bed and can’t help but smile a little at the sight of Jace argueing with Alec and Clary on some result for a math problem—each one has a different answer and refuses accept theirs own is the wrong one—all while Izzy sits at his desk, rolling her eyes at the three of them. It’s like the good old days again. And it’s weird saying that, it has only been a few days, really, but it feels like years since they’ve had some time like this with each other.

After homework is done, Simon tells them to go to sleep for some energy, basically walking them through his whole schedule for his nocturnal venture, but none of them is able to sleep since at some point someone would say something and the group would try their best not to laugh and inevitably end up laughing anyway. Simon lost count of the times he told them to be quiet and sleep.

In the end, they don’t get any sleep in, and that’s a shame, because if his friends like Raphael as much as he does, he doesn’t want them to have to go home early because they’re tired.

But his phone starts beeping, alerting them it’s time for their trip and everyone starts getting ready in the small silent suddenly takes over as he turn off the phone alarm.

“I don’t understand why we can’t just go through the front door,” Alec comments, annoyed, as he stares at Simon, who’s having one leg out of the window.

“Because that means we have to walk pass my mother’s room. She’s a light sleeper so that can wake her up!” Simon yells quietly at him.

Alec huffs incredulously and crosses his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow at Simon. “And climbing down your window doesn’t?”

“Just, shut the fuck up and follow me. Stop asking too much question,” Simon says indignantly and climbs down with ease. The rest of the group, asides from Clary, has to struggle a bit before they finally reach the ground.

Becca chooses that moment to poke her head out of her window and narrows her eyes at them. “Use the front door when you comes back. It’d be safer that way, you’re making too much noise doing this,” she whisper-yells, and Simon ignores the ‘see, I told ya’ Alec’s throwing him with his judgy eyes, and holds a thumb up.

They start their walk after his sister retreats back inside, and unlike his regular walk by himself— which consisted of the chilly night air and his own breathing to fill the silent ambience—his friends’ voice chatting away fill the silent spaces and Simon doesn’t hate this change at all.

Simon walks ahead, doesn’t try to join in with their conversation, more content with enjoying the night and the feeling of wind biting playfully on his skin that he’s come to be familiar with. He casts a long glance up to the sky, only to see the Moon is barely there, hidden deep behind layers of dark clouds, almost not present at all. Strange. It’s never been like this, she doesn’t come out in full that often but also never completely hidden. At least, not since he’s been told about her and started paying more attention to her.

So it’s a Moon-less night, then, he wonders what’s the explanation for that will be, instead of the scientific one, of course. Maybe she’s busy somewhere else? At a meeting with the other Gods?

Simon walks with a small delightful smile on his lips as the questions fill his mind, but he’s pulled back to the present as the sound of Clary’s voice is calling his name. “Yeah?” he says, walking backwards to face the blond boy.

“Just wanna ask what’s on your mind?” Clary asks playfully, “Or, you know,  _ who’s _ on your mind?”

Simon rolls his eyes at him, and he almost misses the way Izzy and Alec stiffens.  _ Almost. _ And for the first time since his talk with Clary yesterday, the nagging feelings starts reappearing.

They’re so close to the lake now, so close to something great that Simon’s been thinking about and that nagging feeling just won’t let go. So this time, he chooses not to ignore it. He stops walking completely, standing back and facing all of his friends, who have also stopped in their steps as he did, and just… looks at them for a moment.

“Simon? What’s wrong?” Clary asks, sounding genuinely concerned, taking a careful step forward. 

He puts a hand up to stop her in her track. “You guys know I care about Raphael a lot, right? We haven’t known each other for long but I like him. So you guys wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. Right?” He puts so much weight in his words, staring straight into their eyes, and he hates the way his stomach drops when Clary avoids meeting his eyes, as does Izzy and Jace. Alec only has a hard look on his face and stares straight ahead, somewhere above Simon’s shoulder.

“Simon—” Clary starts, only to stops then starts again then stops, unsure of what to say.

The silence stretches on for what feels like  _ years  _ before Simon clenches his fist and raises his voice. “You said—” he pauses, choking on his own words because  _ she said _ … No, she  _ promised,  _ and now she can’t even give him a confirmation. Fuck, Raphael trusts him and he’s leading the enemy to the boy. God, he’s such an idiot.

And suddenly, it all makes sense to him. The way that feeling keep tugging at him, the way the Moon is not present for tonight, and the way his friends just changed their minds. He should’ve known. He really should have. They are not people who change their minds easily and  _ fuck.  _ How could he have been this stupid? This blind? 

Across from him, he hears Clary’s breath hitches, and she bites her lips before ducking her head. “I’m sorry, Simon.”

“You’re sorry?” he says indignantly, enraged. “You promised, Clary. You  _ promised _ you wouldn’t hurt him.”

“And we won’t.” It’s Alec speaking this time, taking a step forward, determined. “We’re not here to hurt him, Simon. We’re here for the monster.”

“You also called Raphael a monster!” Simon screamed, unable to hold back his anger any longer. “Remember that? So why should I believe you’re sparing him?”

“Simon, don’t be like this—”

“Be like what?” He bites back sharply at Clary, who flinches back into Jace’s embrace. “Feeling betrayed that my friends would use my trust like that? You used me to— to push out your insane agenda and— and—”

Simon feels tears prickle his eyes, because these are his friends, and he trusted them, he—

How can they do this? They are—were—his friends. Now he feels like he doesn’t know them anymore. Like his real friends were kidnapped some times ago and these are imposters taking their places.

“We’re not going to the lake,” he says determinedly, setting his face hard through the tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m not leading you to him.”

“Simon, don’t do this. We just want to get rid of the mons—the squid. We’ll leave Raphael alone. We promised.” Izzy comes forward, and Simon can read the anguish in her expression.

“No!” he says, more determined than before. “I’m going back, and you’re coming with me. I’m not letting you anywhere near him.”

Simon wipes his face with the sleeve of his hoodie and makes to walk back, only to stop when Alec put up his hands. “We’re sorry, Simon, but we can’t leave, and neither can you.” And before Simon can even question that, Alec gives out some signal with his hand then just milliseconds later, something hard hits Simon’s neck.

The next thing he knows, Clary is screaming—something sounding like ‘no, don’t’—Izzy is covering her face with both hands and Jace is holding Clary back. Clary is calling his name a lot, but it quickly dissolves into something undistinctable. Darkness slowly takes over his vision and he feels himself falling into someone’s strong arms—like Raphael’s, but they don’t feel  _ right _ —and quickly after that, into a deep sleep.

Well, it appears he was wrong. Tonight isn’t great at all. It can only get worse from here.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one, I know. I promise the next one is going to be long and worth your while :)

Consciousness comes back to Simon with a vengeance, bringing a hammer down at the base of his skull and sending a ringing through his ears. He tries to blink away the obscurity in his vision but each blinks sends that hammer banging down harder, so he just squeezes his eyes shut, letting it pass.

There’s a voice somewhere to his left, saying words that he can’t make out over the buzzing in his ears. He groans, squeezing his eyes shut until he sees tiny spots of stars on the inside of his eyelids, and then opens his eyes. Despite the pain, he still tries to shift his eyes around, slowly, taking in his surrounding and waiting for his senses to come back to him.

When everything finally,  _ finally _ clears, when his body feels normal again, Simon realizes almost immediately where he is. He can recognizes those trees from anywhere, he can smell that earthly smell left behind where the waves leave the shore. He can hear the familiar sound of water rippling, moving non-stop, and he can feel the late night breeze on his face. 

Simon closes his eyes, taking back control of his breathing, then opens them again. From where he’s sitting, back rest against a tree trunk—judging from the rough surface poking his back—and head tilted up to meet the night sky.

There’s still no Moon to be seen, no sight of the beautiful lady Raphael has spoken with so much admiration about. Simon closes his eyes again, feeling anger boils in his blood, not just because he remembers his friends’ betrayal, but also because of the Moon. Where is she when her children needs her the most?

He breathes in and out, in and out, until the ringing in his ears stops and he can finally hear what the voice from his left is saying.

It’s Clary, and she’s asking if he’s alright. He snorts humorlessly, hearing a hitch in Clary’s breath but he can’t bring himself to care about it anymore. He turns his head, groaning when a sudden pain shoots through his temple, and meets Clary’s eyes.

She looks like hell. Her lips are bitten red, her hair is a mess from running her hands through it so many times, and the guilt in her eyes is almost too painful to look at.

Simon forces himself to hold her gaze, even though it hurts his inside to do so. Clary’s eyes are pleading, a choked sob escapes her lips, but Simon steels himself. He pushes to his feet, using the tree from behind him as support—he didn’t even registered Clary’s hand reaching out to help him, which brings a shadow over her face and that choked noise becomes more mild. He staggers a bit, feeling dizzy. What the fuck did they hit him with?

His hands and legs feel weird, like they’re no longer his own, disconnected. He stares at them so he doesn’t have to look at Clary, not knowing what he’d do if he saw her cry, saw those guilty tears streaming down her face as she begged for his forgiveness. He knows that he can never forgive her for this—she betrayed him, betrayed his trust. And she is— _ was— _ his best friend,  _ how could she? _

The thought brings fresh tears up his eyes, stinging.

For a moment they just stand there, both trying to hold back the tears, letting the silence draping over their heads like a weight just waiting to drop and crush the both of them. When the feelings slowly comes back to his limps, Simon looks up, not at Clary, but around the lake. His eyes widen as he takes in the sight surrounding them.

There are a lot of people; some with runes and unreadable tattoos on their bare arms and necks. They’re strutting around, setting up lights and looking like they’re preparing for a fight of their lives and— _ Are those guns? _ He stares with his eyes bulging out of his head—tears completely forgotten—as a man stands near the water, handing out those weapons.

Finally, someone seems to notice that he’s awake, and walks over. Simon soon realizes it’s Mrs. Lightwood, Alec and Izzy’s mother.  _ Of course,  _ Simon thinks bitterly, the business must run in the family, right? Hunters. All of them. Here to hunt the big, scary monster.

“Mr. Lewis,” Mrs. Lightwood says, in that usual cold voice of her. They never did get to the first name basic. “I see that you’re finally awake. I thought we might have to pour water over you or something to make sure you don’t sleep through the night.” She ends her statement with a laugh, cruel and ugly in Simon’s ears.

Simon stares at her, his feet takes a tentative step back just to put more distant between them. That only seems to make the wicked grin on her face widen.

“Mother!” a voice speaks up from besides her. Alec. There’s a warning tone under his word, his lips pressed tight into a thin line. “Are you alright, Simon?” he asks, and the sincerity of his question only makes the bile rise up more in Simon’s throat.

Simon ends up puking his dinner onto the tree roots. He heaves until he can’t feel anything left in his stomach, and then straightens himself up, using the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe at his mouth. He focuses his eyes back onto the three people on front of him, thinking about how two out of three he used to know so well.

“How could you?” he croaks, his throat burns with every word. “How could you do this?”

“Mr. Lewis—”

“Simon,” Alec cuts in, earning him a disapproving look from his mother but if he notices it, he doesn’t show. “We didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Hurt me? Is that really what you think I am mad about right now? Are you fucking serious?”

“Simon, we—”

“Stop. Stop saying my name like that,” he yells, and both Alec and Clary flinches visibly. “Stop saying my name like it would somehow make things better. It’s not. Things are not okay.” He stares at them, the tears are returning in full force and his voice is all choked up. “You are—you’re my  _ friends.  _ How could you  _ do  _ this?”

Clary is crying now, sobbing into her hands, and from the corner of his eyes, Simon can see Jace and Isabelle jogging over. Izzy takes a look at the bunch of them, sending Simon an apologetic glance before taking Clary into her arms.

A spark of hurt flashes over Alec’s face—too quick for Simon to make anything of it—before he squares his shoulders and looks straight at Simon. “We did what we must,  _ Simon. _ I know that you don’t understand it, and probably never will, but we have a mission to complete. That mission includes protecting this Earth from monsters, especially one as dangerous as the giant squid.” Alec’s voice is dangerously even, and how sick is it that Mrs. Lightwood seems so goddamn proud of it. Jace only ducks his head, scrubbing his foot against the dirt floor of the woods. Alec clears his throat once, and continues, “I’m sorry, Simon. You just have to accept that this is going to happen, with or without your approval.”

Without another word, Alec turns to his mother. They exchange some silents words before Mrs. Lightwood nods, sparing Simon one last considering look before stepping away, joining the people behind her. 

Simon can only stand frozen in place, not so sure what to say now, how to change his friends’ minds. Alec is already walking away, with Jace on his toes not long after. Clary mumbles a choked up ‘I’m so sorry, Simon,’ before being led away by Isabelle. Simon bit on his lower lip hard, enough that he can taste the tang of iron in his mouth, and let the tears fall down his cheek.

He leans all of his weight on the tree behind him, letting it support him since his feet no longer can. He stares at the group of people that he used to trust with his life, his goddamn  _ friends.  _ They are huddled together at the start of the pier, talking animatedly. Strategizing, Simon muses, thinking of the best way to kill a living being. Simon can’t, for once, believe them when they said they wouldn’t hurt Raphael. Not on purpose, maybe, but the boy is bound to get caught in the crossfire.

Simon can’t trust these people anymore, and for the first time ever since he and Clary became best friends, he feels alone, despite the people around him. It’s like he’s completely on his own now, himself against the entire world. 

_ No,  _ Simon thinks, driven,  _ I’m not all on my own, I still have the things—the people—that I care about, and I’ll be damned if I let them hurt him. _

Slowly, Simon pushes away from the tree, groaning again when a pain shot through his head from the sudden movement. He stands straight, counting to ten to calm his nerves. He takes a step, very slowly, very carefully, mindful of the people around him—not that they’d see him anyway, they are too busy getting ready and looking at the lake with calculated eyes. He walks tentatively to where the water meets the shore, taking deep breath in and out, in and out.

When Simon stops at the wet patch of dirt where the wave hits, he toes off his shoes, crouching down and putting it aside. He allows himself another moment just to gather his courage, everything that he has. He glances over to where his friends are standing, still talking among themselves and paying him no mind. Well, all except for one.

His eyes stops as he saw Isabelle staring at him. He widens his eyes, fearing that she would tell the rest of the group, and Simon’s attempt to do something great for once would fail. But instead of that, Isabelle only offers him a gentle smile, softening up the expression in her face, of her red, red lips, and Simon can’t help but offer a smile of his own in return. 

Her mouth opens, very slightly, and she mouths the word ‘go,’ and that seems like the only push Simon needs. He nods at her once, a small thank, and takes off his glasses, throwing it somewhere to the side, and runs—fast, thanks to the adrenaline rushing through his veins—into the water.

By the time everyone else starts realizing what he’s doing, Simon’s half submerged underwater. He pushes further down, some men are chasing after him, with the voice of Mrs. Lighwood screaming out orders, but Simon pushes them all out of his head. 

Their sounds, the voices screaming after him, their footsteps chasing behind him, all of them muffled as Simon submerged all of himself under the dark water. He swims down and down, and in front of him is nothing but the dark, unknown depth of the lake.

Simon doesn’t know his destination, doesn’t even know where Raphael would be, but he keeps on swimming. He swims straight down, doesn’t stop when his eyes start to burn from the lack of protection from the water. He blinks away the pain and forces his muscles to keep going.

Thoughts of Raphael keep him motivated, even when his lungs starts to burn, starts to crave for a little bit of oxygen. Simon thinks about having to warn the boy, having to make sure that he is safe, to keep him away from all this harm. He keeps swimming down that dark depth.

The burn in his chest becomes a wildfire, searing up to his throat, making his movement stuttered. His vision is starting to blur and darken around the edges, and he feels so goddamn tired all of a sudden. But he has to push on. For Raphael.

His mind is screaming now, screaming for some bit of air, for him to turn around and admit his defeat. He doesn’t listen to it, grasping on to the images of Raphael, so goddamn gorgeous under the pale moonlight, his smile, his dark curls, the way he says Simon’s name. 

Simon may be crying, he can’t be sure because of the water surround his body. Fuck, he wants to breathe so goddamn bad. 

He keeps swimming, until one point, when his lungs are starting a riot, when his body gives out, and he takes a mouthful of water in. At this point, his vision starts to darken even further, his mind fuzzy from the water coming through both his nose and mouth.

As his last gulp of water coming into him without his approval, he whispers Raphael’s name into the void, and feels the darkness take over him for the second time that night.


	19. Raphael

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i bet ya thought imma pull another hiatus. 
> 
> but here it is, people. I don't know what happened but i somehow conjured up this 9k monstrosity. Sorry it is so goddamn long, I wanted to split it into two parts, but that would ruin the flow so you just have to deal.  
> the first part is a bit disconnected because i wrote it a long time ago, the rest i made up in the last week.
> 
> Enjoy!

After saying their goodbye, Raphael swiftly swims down into his cave, through the rock tunnel, and stops just outside of Arkstar's cage. The giant squid is huddled at the far corner, hidden in the dark that even with his heightened sense, Raphael can't see him.

“Hey there, buddy,” Raphael greets, swimming past his safety mark that's barely there anymore. He wraps his fingers against the steel bar of the cage door, leaning in just a little bit to try and pinpoint exactly where Arkstar is. The squid only rumbles an answer, sounding less sulky than he did this morning.

Raphael reaches one hand inside, a risky move on his part, but he feels like this is the right thing to do, offering the giant squid some form of comfort. The rumbling sound stops completely from the depth of the cage, leaving room for a deafening silent and a ringing inside of Raphael's head.

He waits, staying like that with one hand holding the bar and the other reaching out, and as one giant tentacle comes into his eyeline, Raphael recoils out of surprise. It's enough to cause Arkstar to fall back into that sulking state.

Raphael sighs defeatedly through his gills. “I'm sorry, Arkstar,” he tries, lowering his voice to a soft tone, the one that Simon likes so much. Maybe it'll work on this giant, brooding squid too? “I was surprised, is all.” He reaches out again.

This time, as the tentacle reaches up, slower than before as it's learned its mistake, Raphael doesn't pull back. He forces himself to stay still and holds his breath as the tentacle moves up and up. He allows him to breathe again as it touches the skin of his hand.

It's a strange sensation, feeling the rough and at the same time, smooth texture of skin under his hand, and Raphael's speechless for a second. Then he starts moving his hand gently, in small motion up and down, and the tentacle stays there, letting him.

“Hey, buddy,” he says in that soft voice again, a small chuckle of delight follows as he can't contain his excitement. He's never gotten this far with Arkstar before, so can you blame him?

After a moment, Arkstar finally swims up from the depth, and Raphael moves back away from the cage door just a little as the squid wraps his arms around the bars, one of his giant eyes staring at Raphael, looking eager.

Raphael reaches out his hand once again, and - _Dios mío,_ this is so bizarre - touches skin above Arkstar's eye, almost petting it. “Hey there,” he says again, cannot describe the mix of emotions flowing through him right now. All he can do is smiling as bright as he can at the squid.

It's true that Raphael is no longer afraid of the giant squid anymore, per se, but he never touched him. Never come this close to him before. This is big, and the only thing he can think of is 'Wow, look at this giant monster, look at how it almost sighs contentedly at just being _pet'._ Damn, when was the last time someone gave this giant _baby_ some affection?

Then Raphael remembers that Arkstar is here because his own mother put him here, and his smile falters.

“Are you hungry?” Raphael says, distracting the squid from the sudden hatred that has taken over his body. He feels so angry at the Moon, for the first time in ten years, but he doesn't want to ruin this marvelous moment between him and Arkstar. He won't allow it. He retracts his hand as the squid all but squeals his agreement. “I'll go find something for you. Be back in a sec, okay?” And though he knows Arkstar can't - or won't - answer him, he still waits for a second, and those giant eyes bore into him, sending a shiver down his spine.

He departures as the squid slowly unwraps his arms from the bar and swims back down into the dark corner where Raphael's eyes can't see. After a long while - searching for fish at this hour is never an easy task - Raphael comes back with more than enough fishes caught in his net and swims close to the cage door once again.

Holding the net in his hand, Raphael reaches out to wrap around the steel bar of the door with his other, and calls out for Arkstar. The squid doesn't swim up but on of his arms reaches out, making hooking signal that Raphael takes as 'just give them to me'. Raphael does as told, giving the squid the net full of fishes, but he doesn't swim away like always.

He doesn't want to leave the squid alone. He waits until Arkstar is done with his supper, can't help the small smile at the corner of his lips as the squid returns the net to him.

After that, there's nothing else. Raphael keeps expecting Arkstar to pops up again but that doesn't happen. He sighs in defeat yet again, but this comes as no surprise to him. He's no stranger to dealing with a teenager, which Raphael knows too well from babysitting his little brothers. He smiles sadly at the memories of those days.

He stays for a little longer and talks to Arkstar. That doesn't last too long because after being down underwater with minimum human contact and having corals for friends, you start running out of things to talk about.

To this point, Raphael has pretty much told the squid almost everything about his life, his family,  along with each and every one of the Moon's story. So in the end, he chooses to tell him about the one thing that has taken up a lot of space in his mind. Simon.

He starts with how they met, their night swims together, some of Simon's stories, and as they get to the part where Raphael told Simon about what he truly is, the squid rumbles again, sounding disapproving? Judging? Or maybe he's still sullen about the other night - Raphael can't tell anymore, he just rolls his eyes. He doesn't leave out any sappy details, even his own mushy feelings for the other boy - which he would never tell another person, he's talking to a giant squid, who's Arkstar going tell?

The mood shifts completely when Raphael's story comes to this night, as he talks about his meeting with Simon's friends tomorrow.

Arkstar swims up out of the dark and all but slams into the cage door. It's so sudden that Raphael recoils back, feeling fear for the first time that night. The next thing Raphael does, in a rush, is trying to calm the squid down, reassuring him that Simon's friends is not here to hurt him. He won't let them.

The squid finally calms down, after a long while, and he reaches out one big tentacle, almost pleading, and Raphael swims closer to touch it carefully with his hand. He pets it for a moment, until the angry, almost scared, growling from Arkstar stops completely, and the squid makes his retreat, swimming away from the door and is, once again, hidden deep beneath where Raphael's eyes can't reach.

Raphael takes this as goodbye, and he swims out of the tunnel, back into his cave. He greets the corals as their voice start filling his head the moment he comes in sight of them. They gushes over how far he's come with Arkstar, farther than any Keeper before him. They also rave about his night with Simon - as retold (rather exaggeratedly, he might add) by one of the fishes that leave near the surface - and if he could blush, he would, just by the comments they're making.

When they finally calm down, they announce that the sun is close to setting - huh, how long has he been down there with Arkstar? - and he should go get ready for his 'date night'. He rolls his eyes at them, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

He ends up not leaving as he planned after the third comment about how stupidly in love Raphael is - totally untrue, by the way, but he won't deny that he's on his way there - and stays to chat with the corals. They're more than happy to keep his company.

It's already tomorrow, but Simon was right. It is great, and Raphael feels like nothing can go wrong.

***

Things start to go wrong.

The feeling of it hits Raphael hard and painful like the first breath he'd taken when the Moon revived him. He lets the corals ramble on and on about every little gossip in the water, letting it be the cheery background noise while that feeling resides at the pit of his stomach. Raphael turns his head, left then right, right then left, but there was nothing, no danger that he can detect with his heightened senses.

But the feeling won't go away.

Night time has come not so long ago, almost in a haze, as Raphael smiled and nodded along with the corals' stories. Tonight is different however, different because Raphael can barely feel the Moon's present at all.

There is no distant warmth of the Moon on his undead skin, no faint Moonlit light at the darkest corner of his mind. Nothing. It's like she's disappeared somewhere without telling, without leaving a note behind, like maybe she has been taken away.

Raphael turns his head up, letting his gaze pierce through the dark water. He closes his eyes for a moment, his mind focused, tracing whatever signs he can to look for the Moon, but he still can't feel her. A shiver runs down his spine; he has never experienced a Moon-less night before. At least, not since the day he died.

 _“Something must be wrong,”_ a small voice speaks up somewhere at the back corner of his mind, sounding like a young boy. For a second he thinks it might be from the corals, but no - their voices are child-like, so innocent, and this sounds more mature, but somehow, still too young.

Then another sound comes into his mind, a weak little noise that crosses his mind fast like a lightning strike, shaking his bones right to the core. It's calling his name. It's different from the previous voice, this one is familiar, is so close he can almost feels the person whispering in his ear, in his mind, and it makes his skin crawl with anxiety.

Raphael looks around, panicked. He can no longer her the chattering of the corals. His ears are buzzing, and he feels like the world might be ending.

 _“Keeper! Keeper!”_ the corals are calling, agitated, and Raphael swivelled back to face them. They look no different than usual, but the tone of their voices in his head are rising, full of concern. Raphael takes a moment, a very short moment, to calm himself down, until the water is no longer rushing out of his gills in frenzy waves.

He closes his eyes, then opens them again. “Yes?” he asks, almost dazed, looking at the corals.

They don't have time to answer, because the voice is calling out his name again, and it's so familiar, so close but he cannot point out where it's coming from. _It can't be Simon,_ he thinks. Because when Simon comes, he'll call from the surface and the sound will carry through the water, vibrating and muffled by the dark depth until it reaches Raphael's ears.

This sound is different. It's like… it's like the way the corals talk to him. It doesn't touch his ears but comes through his mind. It sounds so far away, and yet, he feels so close to it.

The corals, bless them, stay silent, stay very quiet as Raphael closes his eyes again, making his mind focus more on the voice which is calling his name. The voice becomes clearer and clearer, and Raphael snaps his eyes open, wide and startled because that's… that's Simon's voice.

Raphael immediately sets into motion, the corals don't say a word about it, and Raphael swims up, up, and up, until…

 _“No,”_ the voice from the back corner of his mind speaks up again. He stops in his track even though it was just a whisper, a hushed plea, and Raphael should really be going to Simon because he might be in danger but - _“No,”_ the voice insists.

Raphael closes his eyes again, and yeah, Simon's voice doesn't sound like it's coming from above the surface, doesn't vibrate through the water, isn't muffled by the depths. He's losing time because it suddenly becomes distorted, weak like a giant hand is taking hold of it and keeping it from coming to Raphael's mind.

Raphael forces himself to be calm, to stay calm for Simon's sake, and he tries, he tries so hard to see, to _feel,_ where Simon is.

Then he hears his voice again, but this time, it is no longer in his mind but he can feel the vibration in the water. One last call for his name, choked and out of breath, and suddenly he can see Simon too damned clear. Raphael doesn't waste a second to think about it, he swims towards the boy with all that he has.

Raphael doesn't think he'd ever swum this fast, doesn't even know that he can, but he swims. He swims and he swims, and there is Simon.

The water is so dark without the moonlight, but Raphael's heightened sense allows him to see clear, to see where Simon is floating, drifting between the rush of water. His eyes are closed and his body motionless as the water carries him. Raphael hasn't thought that there would be a time where he'd wish that the boy would talk, would say something and not stay so silent like this, not like this.

Raphael surges forwards, taking the boy in his arms, and swims upwards. The moment Raphael breaks the surface, time and space seem to stop.

Raphael comes through only to see a row of people lining the shore, weapons at ready and with the sudden sound of water splashing, they all turn to him. He freezes in place for a moment, still not forgetting that he has Simon in his arm, if anything, it makes him more aware and his embrace becomes more tight, pulling Simon as close to him as possible.

His gaze shifts over the people, who are aiming their weapons at him like he's the most dangerous monster they've ever had to face and - God, now is not the time.

If Raphael's heart was still beating, it'd be beating at the rate of something worthy of a metal concert.

"Is that Simon?" a voice says all of a sudden, setting Raphael's thought straight, giving him something to focus on. He stares at the raven-haired girl, who was standing at the pier, but with one more narrowed look at Raphael and she takes off running. She runs straight to the end, and Raphael really doesn't have any options so he swims towards her, careful of keeping Simon's head above water.

The girl and another boy with the same hair color - must be related, judging by the similarities in the features of their faces - helps Simon up the pier. The boy starts on reviving Simon while the girl gives him a look, considering, and he returns the favor with as much intensity, one tentative hand on Simon's ankle to keep himself anchored.

"You must be Raphael?" the girl says at last, breaking the heavy silence which was looming over them like a piano hanging by a thread waiting for a random victim to fall on. Raphael stares at her, not moving an inch, keeping his face neutral, because her question doesn't sound like a question, it's more of a reaffirmation to herself.

The girl shares a look with her brother - cousin? - but the boy quickly turns back to Simon, pressing down on his chest in careful rhythm, and Raphael forces himself to look back at the girl before the anger takes hold of his undead heart. He doesn't know what he should be angry at. Or at least, he doesn't know it yet.

"What happened to him?" Raphael asks, scowling just a slight bit - because he might have some heightened senses and over the world abilities but at his core, he's still just a human.

The girl's gaze does not waver for one second, holding on to his like a game of tug-n-pull, and Raphael is, at the least, amused. Then, it seems a wave of resolve wash over her, drenching her body and pulling her along with the tide, and she lets it. She sighs once, unfolding her arms in front of her chest. A hand comes to her shoulder, and Raphael looks to see a blonde boy with mismatched eyes looking just as somber.

"I'm sorry," says the girl, voice broken, and Raphael hears a sob somewhere behind her. Raphael glances over and a red haired girl is crying in the arm of a woman bearing the same fiery red curls, who's saying "It's okay, my baby, it's going to be okay."

Raphael won't lie and say that the scene didn't cause a spike of lighting strike to struck on his undead heart, that the hurt didn't run down to his very core and rattles his bones. It makes him miss his own mother and his baby brothers, and he has to bite the inside of his cheek, while holding on to Simon's ankle just a bit tighter. He shifts closer to the pier, looking up the Moon-less sky and begs and prays, and the Moon still isn't there.

Raphael grinds his teeth then, looking back at the girl, whose red, red lips still look beautiful despite the pain clear on her face, and he stares. That seems to sober her up. She squares her shoulder and stands up, causing him to look up at her.

"He went into the water. We tried to stop him but we weren't quick enough," she says, voice as calm as the wind ruffling through the leaves. "He went to warn you -" She takes a pause, breathing in deep as if gathering courage and says, "He went to warn you about us."

He wants to ask more, to demand answer because the Moon still isn't there to ask, but the sound of coughing takes hold of his attention, and both him and the girl turn to Simon. He shifts even closer still, pressing his chest against the hard plank of the pier, while the girl kneels on one knee, looming over Simon with a concerned expression.

There's water coming out of Simon's mouth, and the raven-haired boy helped him sit up, rubbing his back while Simon coughing out more water.

It then hits Raphael that these must be Simon's friends. The ones that Simon has wanted him to meet.

The realization must have been drawn on his face because the raven-haired boy who have given life back to Simon clears his throat. The boy has a calm and neutral aura surrounding him, but the look in his eyes says different. There's a storm brewing in those blue eyes, watching, calculating, and ready to burst into a wave of emotions. But the boy holds it all back with one more clear of his throat. "He didn't want us here," he says, voice calm to match his expression. "Just so you know. We - well, not us," he waves to the girl and the blond boy and vaguely at the redhead, "he wanted us to come, to meet you. We -" he swallows hard, "we betrayed his trust and the rest is as you know it."

Raphael regards him, then the girl, then the blonde boy and the red head. 'Betrayed his trust,' the boy said, and Raphael doesn't try to take hold of the anger when it rears its ugly head and threatens to start a riot near the region of his heart. Instead, he lets it have it, he lets it take over his body, and the hand on Simon's ankle tightens just a bit, just to make sure he can pull Simon away at first sign of danger because these people are bad.

Simon has told him about them, their name appearing here and there in his stories, popping up once and twice or maybe the whole story revolves around them. Raphael can put the names to their faces.

There is Clary standing with her mother, fiery hair to match her burning passion. Clary who is Simon's best, best, best friend in the whole world. _Betrayed his trust._

Jace, with his golden blond hair, and "he's such a cool guy, Raphael, you don't even know it." But Raphael can see it now, with the way the boy holds himself straight, comforting his friend with a somber look on his face. _Betrayed his trust._

Isabelle - or Izzy, for short - is one of a kind, with a face so beautiful, she can easily replace the Moon herself. "She's always nice to me," Simon had said, "She's always making sure I eat enough, I go out enough, and she wasn't mean at all when she let me down a few years ago, when I told her I had a crush on her." He had then proceeded to make sure to Raphael know he was no longer harboring that crush. The memory tame down the anger in Raphael's bones. "She's amazing," Simon had continued with a dopey grin, with kiss-ruined lips. _Betrayed his trust,_ Raphael is quickly reminded, and the anger rises again.

Then we are left with Alec, Isabelle's brother. Alec who is uptight and always following the rules, and "Rules are there for a reason, Simon," the kid had mimicked, and Raphael had thought he must have been exaggerating, because no way someone could be that hellish. But there he is in front of Raphael, and those eyes, the frown, the thin line his lips have pressed into, and the calm, calm aura he lets out, and Raphael gets it. Raphael is also one for the rules, one for following the law, but he knows when to stop. What law would they have, what rules, that would make them betray their friends? Betray the trust of someone who is willing to risk everything for them?

Raphael knows that Simon loves his friends, that he had spoken of them in high regards and look at them now, shameful faces, worried looks as if they'd caused the death of their one friend. Their friend is alive now, but their friendship is no longer, Raphael can tell.

Simon stops coughing, and along with it, Raphael anger rises. The boy starts taking in breaths, deep one in, deep one out, and the air stays silent, thick and suffocating for those who are watching, and until he starts breathing normal again, no one makes a move.

"Has to -" says Simon, broken. "Has to warn -" _pants_ "- warn Raphael -" _more coughing._

At the mention of his name, Raphael perks up, alerted, and he gives Simon's ankle a squeeze. "Hey, I'm here. I'm okay," he soothes, rubbing the inside of Simon's ankle with his fingers, rubbing them slowly and feeling the skin start to warm up under his touch. "I'm okay," he repeats, and finally, _finally_ Simon looks up and sees him.

Simon smiles but just for a short second, so quick that it's just a blur in Raphael's vision, and his face turns grim. He makes a grab for Raphael, and Raphael has to use both hands to stop Simon from lurching into the water. He takes a hold of the boy's hand and intertwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb at the back of Simon's hand, comforting.

There's a towel wrapping around Simon's shoulders - Jace must have gone and gotten it for Simon - and hands on Simon's arms, rubbing to warm him up. Simon eases into it but soon enough, he realizes Alec is the one doing it, he shrugs the boy away, hard. Alec almost falls back into the lake if not for his good reflex.

"Don't touch me," demands Simon, resentful.

"Fine," Alec murmurs, "stay cold, then." Raphael doesn't miss the hurt in his eyes, despite how well-contained it is, as he stands and walks away.

Raphael would have been happy with his lack of presence had it not meant that Simon would be cold, but Isabelle takes her brother place. Instead of shrugging her off like he did with her brother, Simon only nods at her once, whispering a "thanks, Izzy" as he holds onto the towel with one hand and the other squeezing tight in Raphael's, like Simon's afraid of losing him.

Raphael holds up their intertwined hands and brings it to his lips. He presses a smallest of kiss there, murmuring "I'm okay," into the back of Simon's hand, and he feels the boy's relax under his lips.

He doesn't miss the thoughtful look Isabelle gives him, he doesn't give her trouble for it. If she's cool with Simon, then she's cool with him.

"Are you quite done yet?" a woman speaks up from somewhere over the shore, breaking the little bubble Raphael has let himself get lost in. Now, he's reminded that they're not alone, and there are guns pointed at him - _Dios mío,_  he should get away, cause if they decide to shoot, Raphael wouldn't be able to get him to safety and he'd get caught in the crossfire. When he tries to pull back his hand, Simon only holds on to him tighter and pulls him back in. That _idiota._

"It's okay," he says, his voice no longer hoarse and broken. "They won't shoot."

He looks over to Isabelle and the girl nods, hands still busy them with rubbing gently at Simon's biceps, helping to boy getting back to normal temperature. "They won't," says Isabelle, smile caught at the corner of her lips, not sure if it should stay or leave. He nods at her, trusting, and the smile chooses to stay. She really is beautiful, Raphael realizes, he can see himself falling for her as Simon had. _But maybe in another lifetime,_ his mind reminds him, _this one you're already falling for the idiota._

He looks over the shore and remembers there's a whole world out there, and Raphael's undead heart twists and turns. Even if they get out this intact, he will never be able to be with Simon in every way possible.

He looks up the sky, and for the first time since so many years, he feels hatred for the Moon, who still isn't there. He looks down again, face neutral and eyes hard, and he stares down the woman who dared to speak, who must be the leader, who had brought these people here and troubled the peace he's grown so used to.

"Who are you?" he asks, and though he knows the answer of whom they are, he still wants her to say it.

She laughs, and it's an ugly sound, soaring and piercing through Raphael's ear like a dagger. "Oh, don't you know already?" she starts, her face pulls into a grin worthy of any villain awards there are. "We," she proudly gestures to all of the people holding guns, "are Hunters."

Raphael feels Simon tense as the woman's words cut through the air like saw through wood, jagged and raw. From the corner of his eye, he sees Isabelle stops in her movement, he sees her turns and stares at the woman with what can be described as spite in her eyes. Realization draws over him like a dark clouds floating over the night sky, tender and quick. He turns his head slightly to get a good look at Isabelle, then back at the woman, and yeah, the similarities are undeniable.

"Your mother?" he asks quietly, just for the three of them to hear, and he keeps the judgement out of his voice, along with the anger. Isabelle nods, tentative, eyes still on her mother.

Raphael turns back to the woman, and though he can see the familiarities in her features, he can't see the tenderness, the love in her eyes. Raphael allows himself a moment to think back to the past.

 _“Hunters,”_ the Moon had explained many years ago, _“such vile creatures. Once upon a time they had a purpose, a great one, even though needless, but I understand why they were made, or at least, I try to.”_ The smile on her face had looked so serene, mixed with a bit of sadness at the thought. Then all at once, it had turned into anger. _“But they've ever since changed their way. They've evolved into the monsters they had vowed to protect this Earth from. Stay away from them, my child, if they ever do come for you. Call for me and I'll come to cast them away.”_

Raphael looks at the woman standing tall on the shore, and thinks that that is the creature the Moon had described to him. That is what he hadn't been able to imagine. But then he looks at Isabelle and he thinks that this is not a Hunter. He looks at her and sees a Protector because...

 _“Protectors,”_ the Moon had said in that same night, a gentle smile curved on her lips at the name, _“lovely beings that they are, yet there are not many of them left, not that there were many of them to begin with. They will watch over you, my dear, even when I can't.”_

He then casts his eyes to the Moon, who still isn't there, and feels... protected. So he squares his shoulders, keeping himself steady under the water, and stares straight at Isabelle's mother - same blood but different mind.

"You should leave," he states, loud and clear for all of them to hear.

"And why is that?" challenges the woman, folding her arms in front of her chest, head held high and arrogant. "Because as I can see it, little Keeper, your lovely mother isn't here with us tonight. There's no one to help you, _monster."_

The emphasize of the last word cuts through Raphael's skin like a jagged-edge knife, cutting not to kill but to hurt, to draw blood, and it works so well. He opens his mouth to speak, to bite back just as hard, but the words drown in his mouth, caught somewhere in his throat and choking him to the point of tears. He doesn't cry though, but it's a close thing because to hear someone else says something he didn't even realize he's thought about himself, a hidden thought somewhere at the dark corner of his mind like a monster under a child's bed. He misses the Moon's warmth to shield it away.

But it seems that he doesn't need to speak, because Isabelle is standing up in his peripheral vision. She holds her head just like her mother, but she doesn't seem arrogant. Instead, she looks confident, determined and fierce, and Raphael's comparison of her and the Moon isn't that far off, after all.

The world holds its breath as she takes a breath in, calmly, quietly, and speaks. "That is enough, Mother," she exclaims, strong. "What are you doing? What are _we_ doing?" she looks around the shore, giving the question to everyone. Under her piercing gaze, some even lower their guns. "Do you all really think that after all these years, after all those generations before us, that now _we,_ of all people, would succeed on taking down the biggest, baddest, most terrifying monster that's ever brought onto this Earth?

"Sure, we have the Sun on our side," she continues after a pause. "We have the God himself luring the Moon away just for this night, but even as we have that, did you forget about all the stories? The ones we were told since we were babies, then told again when we were in training, the ones that made up this whole insane mission? Did you forget that the squid - Arkstar - has once ruled over an entire sea? That it had struck fear into the heart of anyone and everyone who dared roam into its water? And at what cost?" She lowers her voice into a somber tone, grim and dark and there's a hint of bitterness. "At what cost, huh? What are we getting out of this but a sense of victory and the major risk of losing our lives, losing the lives of our loved ones, the lives of innocent bystanders who just want to help?"

At this, she glances at Simon, at Raphael - who are both silent, waiting as she finishes her point. "It isn't worth it," she continues with that somber tone. "Let the monster live, allow it one chance to change for the better. Hell, from what I know, Arkstar is already changing," she smiles down at Raphael, and he smiles back at her, encouraging. "And it's definitely for the better. Raphael is a good Keeper, he's made more progress than any before him, and isn't that something we should cheer on?"

A silence once again falls over them, but lighter, more thoughtful as the people take in what was just spoken, take the time to think about their decision. Clary is the one to break it. She walks away from her mother's side and stands next to Isabelle on the pier. "I agree with Izzy, Mrs. Lightwood," she says, voice strong and determined just as Isabelle's was. "No one is getting hurt anymore, not since a decade ago when Raphael became Keeper. The monster - Arkstar - is changing for the better. Don't you think that rehabilitation is better than execution? I know the crime it's done in the past, but that was in the past. We're at the future now, thousands of years later, and we should be changing too. For the better."

Both her and Isabelle are squaring their shoulders, standing tall to shield Simon and Raphael away from Mrs. Lightwood - from Isabelle's own mother - away from her piercing gaze and hateful smile, and Raphael realizes why Simon was friends with them.

They are great people, these two at the least, but he can see that Jace is walking over too, standing on the other side of Simon. He folds his arms in front of his chest, head held high as he says, "I'm with them," with a nod back to his friends, and that only makes the hateful grin on Mrs. Lightwood's face turn into a snarl.

Raphael can see some of the gunmen and women surrounding the shore lowering their weapons, like they are themselves wanting to the change side. Mrs. Lightwood, however, still stands her ground.

"Oh, dearies, I think the only one deluding themselves here are you kids," she says, challenging. "Sure the monster is good now, but for how long, huh, my daughter? How long would it take until it escapes its cage and kills, yet, another Keeper just like the ones before him? What is so… special about this one that it would make a significant difference?"

Raphael glowers at her. "Because I give a shit," he says, littering the anger in his voice because he's done with holding back. "I make an effort to help Arkstar, and I'll tell you this, my effort is not in vain. Arkstar is getting better, he's getting friendlier everyday, and just hours ago, he let me touch him without any intends to kill me. I can see in his eyes that he wants to get better too, and I'll be damned if I let you stand in the way of that."

At this point, no one is aiming their gun at him anymore. Most people look bemused, some even amazed, the rest is just not knowing what to do next. They erupts into murmurs amongst themselves, doubting and second-guessing carved deep into their words. Raphael spots Alec in his peripheral vision. The boy is standing with his back leaned against a tree, face solemn but it isn't enough to hide the amusement in his eyes.

Raphael turns and looks at the boy, giving him a nod to know that they're cool because he did help bring Simon's back to life, and Raphael hadn't had the chance to thank him yet. Alec inclines his head in return, a small gesture that is enough to let Raphael knows that he supports them too.

"Silent!" Isabelle's mother demands all of a sudden, stunning the people around her. "Do you really believe the words of this - this _monster?"_ She points one black finger at Raphael, and Raphael tries not to bare his teeth at that, tries not to let the anger getting to his mental, he really does, but alas, his fangs are already out, claws appeared and ready for a fight.

He doesn't get a chance to say anything, he doesn't get the chance to bite back at her just as painfully, because a man speaks up. The man already has his gun down, face in a tired expression as his words come out. "No, Maryse, I do not believe the Keeper," he says, in a light tone of voice, like this is no big matter, like he's talking to a spoiled child who's making a fit because she has to give her toys away. Raphael is at the ready to retort; the man continues, "But the kids do have a point. What are we even doing? I won't lie and say that it didn't surprise me when the Sun actually listened and tricked the Moon away, but that is one thing. Now that we are here, I can see clearer how insane all of this is. Sure, we never succeeded in killing the squid because the Moon was always there, but tonight, even as she is not, we are still going to face down a giant squid. I won't let my people, _my family_ get hurt over a lost cause.”

As he finishes, he puts his gun on his shoulder, and walks off.

"What are you doing, Ron? You'll have to face the Sun if we fail this!" Mrs. Lightwood shrieks, and the man - Ron - only laughs, a rumbling, stomach laugh that tells Raphael he actually finds this very funny.

"Tell him I'll call him whenever I'm free." Still chuckling, he walks off, disappearing into the thick rows of trees and into the dark night. Soon enough, more people are lowering their weapons, then taking tentative steps away from the shore and back to the woods.

Even without Raphael's heightened sense, he is sure people can still see the vein on Mrs. Lightwood's forehead throbbing and threatening to burst.

“Fine then, leave, you cowards. I'll show you!” she spits, and then takes a gun from the person nearest to her, aiming it at Raphael. “Keeper, let the monster out so I can finish my job.”

"In your dream, Hunter," he spits back, and that does not seem to help with the indignant on her face.

She pulls a wicked smile. “You know,” she says, oh so calm that it makes Raphael's skin crawl. “I promised my children that I won't hurt you, and I am not one to turn against my own word. However,” she pauses, shifting just slightly enough to cause the anxiety crawls up Raphael's spine. “I never said anything about him.”

Mrs. Lightwood turns her aim to Simon, and the crowd erupts. Isabelle and Clary stands there ground to shield Simon away from Mrs. Lightwood's line of fire. Jason joins them too, turning over from the other side, and there are screaming from them, demanding their leader to drop the weapon, but Mrs. Lightwood only laughs.

"I will finish this," she says, harsh and ruthless. "Don't make me having to hurt you over a monster, kids. Step away!"

There are so many noises, then, so many voices speaking at the same time, saying words that sound like distorted static in Raphael's ear. He feels a squeeze on his hand, and looks over to see Simon's broken expression, but there is hope too. He looks back to Mrs. Lightwood and the woman is still standing her ground, even with the people trying to stop, she's still determined. In her mind, Raphael muses, she must think she's doing the world a favor.

Mrs. Lightwood must have said something cutting because Simon tenses all of a sudden. It does not help with the crawling of anxiety under Raphael's skin as Simon let go of his hand to stand up, stuttering in his movement because he's still too weak. The boy holds tight to the large towel wrapping around his upper body, trying to get to Mrs. Lightwood with an angry expression on his face. His friends are holding him back, keeping him out of the line of fire, and Raphael suddenly feels like the air isn't coming into his body anymore.

He looks at the lot of them, at everyone argueing, and the people who are still aiming their weapons at him. He tries to take a deep breath in, a deep breath out, in, out, in, out, until he can feel like he has all the control of his body.

Then, with one last glance at Simon - who is facing the Hunter on the shore, arguing for Raphael's sake along with Isabelle, Clary and Jace - he dives down. His movement is quick and sudden so the people on the shore never had the chance to react. The gunfire down the water that follows pierces through Raphael's ears, even when muffled by the water. It vibrates his bones, but also motivates him to swim faster.

He swims down and down and down until he's at the opening of his cave. Then there are voices in his head. The corals are calling, fuzzy and distant even though they're right behind him

 _“Keeper! Keeper!”_ #1 yells, frantic, _“What is wrong? Who are up there? Did something bad happen?”_

 _“Keeper! Keeper!”_ #3 screams, panicked, _“Arkstar is upset. He is banging the cage door. He wants to be let out. Swim away, Keeper, swim away!”_

His focus isn't on them, however. Instead, he swims into his cave and down the tunnel leading to Arkstar's cage. He floats in one place at the cave mouth, staring at the wave of water rushes out by the roaring of Arkstar, demanding to be let out. He focuses on that growling sound, comes from the dark, dark depths of the lake, magnifying further by the narrowed tubes of the caves. That is the sound of horror, and Raphael swims towards it.

If Arkstar wants out, Raphael will let him out. Those people wants their monster, but they haven't the faintest idea of how terrifying it can be. Raphael allows himself to feel arrogant at the thought, at the fact that the Hunters - or Hunter, because Mrs. Lightwood seems to be the only one still wanting a fight - seem to have forgotten that Arkstar once ruled over the entire see. They seem to have forgotten how menacing the giant squid can be, how much fear he has put in people. They seem to have forgotten _why_ Arkstar has been put here in the first place.

And Raphael shall be the one to remind them of just that. Soon, he reaches the fading safety mark carved on the tunnel wall. He stops there just for a moment to catches his breath. The thought of Simon crosses over his mind, light and soft like a breeze, but it's enough to stop him in his mission.

Arkstar could hurt Simon, Raphael thinks, floating in place next to the safety mark he's long forgotten. He stares at it and thinks of Simon's scared face, of his choked, uneven breaths as he was still trying take hold of life. Raphael thinks of his soft hair - tangled up by both the water and Raphael's hand. He thinks of Simon's smooth skin, of the way it had felt as Raphael ran his finger over it. He thinks of the boy's delightful voice as he speaks, ignoring the twist in his chest at the way it had come out choked and pained just moments ago.

He can't let Arkstar out. He can't risk the squid hurting Simon.

 _“I won't,"_ it's that voice from before, young and eerie and hidden deep in the back corner of his mind. The voice echoes from where it comes, reverberating each and every wall of thoughts that he has, crumbling them down to get to the front. “ _I won't hurt him,"_ it says, _"I won't let_ **_them_ ** _hurt him either.”_

Raphael stares down the dark tunnel and with his heightened sense, he sees the glowing gray light of the cage door as Arkstar tries to break it open. He sees the red of one of Arkstar's eyes as the squid stares up at him. He sees the honesty, the pleading, the promise in that big, big eye. He realizes that Arkstar is talking to him, for the first time since he became Keeper. He didn't even know the squid could talk.

 _“Please,”_ Arkstar begs, “ _let me out. Let me out so I can save us both.”_

Raphael stays where he is, right at the safe mark carved on the tunnel wall that now feels like his only anchor. “How do I know you won't hurt me the moment I let you out?” he asks, voice even.

The squid regards him for a moment. “ _I guess you don't,”_ he replies.

Raphael thinks for a second. “I've been here for ten years, and not once did you try and speak to me. Why now?” he demands, staring down at Arkstar.

 _“You've been here the longest out of any Keeper before you. You never gave up,”_ the squid stated, the young voice is matching up really well with his body. _"You never got tired of this job." And of me,_ the squid didn't say, but Raphael can hear it all the same.

Somehow, Raphael can imagine Arkstar as a human, a sulking teenager with mommy issues as big as the Moon herself, and the thought calms his nerve quite a bit. It seems the giant squid can read his mind really well, because it rumbles in displeasure.

 _“I never tried to speak to any of the previous Keeper because they'd never tried to get close to me. You did. You are worthy of the effort."_ Arkstar pauses, thinking. _"But we are wasting time here, Keeper,"_ the squid says, _"Do you not want my help?”_

Raphael really doesn't have any other options. “Fine,” he says, “Swear that you won't hurt Simon. Or me. Or anyone. All you need to do is scare them away.” The squid makes a noise that sounds like a snort in Raphael's head. “Swear it, on your mother's name that you _will not_ hurt anyone if not necessary.”

The squid stays silent for a moment, before rumbles and extends one tentacle. Raphael, in turn, reaches out his hand and touches the tip of the tentacle. _“I swear,”_ the squid says.

“Say it!”

Arkstar stares at him, annoyed, but complies. _“I swear on my mother's name that I will not hurt anyone if the circumstance doesn't call for it.”_

“Good,” Raphael says, nodding. “Now how do I get you out?”

Arkstar walks him through the steps, and Raphael is surprised by how easy it is to open the cage door. It seems that being a Keeper gives him more power than he's thought. The squid might have rolled his eyes as the thought crossed Raphael's mind, but he doesn't pay attention to it.

He swims up and out of the tunnel, keep going until he's far enough from the cave opening and turns around to watch the squid come out.

He's never seen it himself, not even that one time that Arkstar had escaped, because he was too close to the surface, and he wasn't paying attention to it anyway. But now he's staring at the cave mouth, as the squid uses his tentacles to pulls himself out of the cave, arms grappling at the outside wall of the cave. The parts of him that are already out are growing in size, holding back only by the glowing lines putting there to keep him from fully escaping.

The lines criss-crosses each other, and Arkstar roars as he tries and breaks through them, sending a shiver down Raphael's spine. Arkstar keeps pushing forward, and the larger he grows, the flimsier the glowing lines get. Eventually, the lines all snapped, setting the giant beast free.

Raphael is left to face down the monster, growing and growing and then stops, and Raphael thinks that he never truly realizes how giant this giant creature is. He is sure only Arkstar's eye - which is staring at him right now, red and intimidating - is enough to cover his whole upper body. Raphael suppresses the urge to back down, and holds his ground.

Arkstar sends a roar the vibrate through the water all around them. _“Thank you,”_ he says, and before Raphael can even take it in, the squid is already swimming up. Raphael follows not long after, but his speed is no match for the giant creature.

Arkstar stops just close to the surface, and Raphael can see his tentacles are reaching up. He hears screaming not long after, then gunfire. Arkstar makes some displeasing sound as the bullets hit his skin, his screams cut through the water and Raphael's ears.

Soon enough, guns are being dragged down the water. Raphael watches them sink down and down, and finally get lost under the dark depths. At this point, Raphael decides to swim up, breaking through the facel.

He stays out of the line of fire, but still close enough for the people to spot him if they decide to look. He sees Simon standing on the shore with his friends surrounding him in a protective circle. Alec has his bow in his hands, one arrow already loaded and ready to shoot.

Raphael swims closer to where they are, feeling frustrated that he can't get on the shore and join them to protect Simon, who has such a terrified expression on his face. Raphael wants to tell the boy that it's okay, that Arkstar isn't going to hurt him, or anyone. He wants the boy to know that the squid only wants peace, and sometimes, some minor violence is the way to take it back.

He settles for floating in the water, where his feet is brushing over the dirt below, and calls for Simon. The boy looks at him, and relief rushes over his face like a flood. He sets himself in motion, breaking through his friends' hold to get to Raphael, but Raphael shakes his head. "Stay back," he says, "Arkstar promised that he wouldn't hurt anyone, but I can't still take any chance when it involves you, all of you. So stay back!"

Simon nods, and Isabelle - who's standing in the front with her brother - inclines her head to tell him that she'll protect Simon for him. He smiles at her, as a thank you, and turns to look around the shore. The people have retreated back further away from the wave of water, their back against the woods behind them, fear seared deep in their eyes. He spots Mrs. Lightwood still in the front, lying down the shore as she was knocked over by one of Arkstar's tentacles, guns laying beside her.

No one is shooting their guns anymore, either because they ran out of bullets, or their guns are taken away by the squid, or they are too much in shock to do anything. Arkstar has also stopped, rising to the surface so his big, red eyes can be seen clearly through the water, staring straight at the Hunters on the shore.

"Hunter!," he yells, getting Mrs. Lightwood's attention. She looks over at him in a heartbeat, and he can see the fear in her eyes, but her hatred is still right there in her scowl. "You've failed the thing you came here to do, so now, it's time to leave. Arkstar won't hurt you if not necessary so don't give him a reason."

She stares at him, face scrunched up in an angry frown. "In your dream, Keeper!"

What happens next, happens in this order:

Firstly, Mrs. Lightwood picks up her gun, and with an evil grin on her hateful, hateful face, she aims it at the area between Arkstar's eyes and pulls the trigger. Arkstar acts quick, shielding himself away from the lines of fire using his arms. One of his tentacles is reaching out, ready to knock the Hunter away.

Secondly, Raphael then hears a scream from behind him, an "Alec, no!" that causes him to turn around only to see Alec have his bow raised. Raphael doesn't have a chance to open his mouth to say anything because in a blink, Alec releases his arrow.

Thirdly, everything seems to move in slow motion in front of Raphael's eyes. Even himself feels like he's being pulled by the wind, by the water around his body as he watches the arrow fly through the air and hits one of Arkstar's big, red eyes. The squid wails, howling in pain as the arrow pierce through the tissue of his eye. Red blood pours out in waves, mixing in with the dark water.

Lastly, Arkstar's scream cuts through the air like a sharp knife, ripping through Raphael's skin. The scream is slowly muffled as the squid sinks down, getting himself away from the gunfire he's no longer able to shield himself away from anymore, and suddenly, Raphael feels so tired.

Things start to get blurry then. Raphael is still feeling too tired, like the breath was knocked out of him, and he has no way of getting it back. He feels like he isn't breathing anymore, and wonders why he even has to breathe in the first place if he's already dead. _"So you can feel normal,"_ the Moon had said, sometimes ago, he can't remember exactly when because his mind is fuzzy.

He can hear someone calling out his name, over the buzzing in his ears. "Raphael!" they call, and it's like a pull, a light tug on his arm in their direction, and he follows it.

He feels his feet touch the ground below him, and he isn't swimming anymore, he's walking. He feels the water pulling him back down, but with what little energy he has left, he uses it to fight the flow of water. He walks and walks, and the voice is still calling his name but he's getting closer now. He's getting closer and hey, he knows that voice. It's the _idiota's_ voice, and he feels a smile pulls on his face; he sees with blurry vision that Simon is breaking out from the circle his friends have made. He sees the boy running towards him.

But _Dios mío,_ he feels so tired. He feels like the fight with the water has pulled all the energy he has left, and he stumbles. He feels so tired, like he can fall asleep for hours, for days, and it's such a foreign feeling because he hasn't felt like this for how many years now?

"Raphael!" it's Simon again, so close to him. He feels arms wrapped around his body, and he's all but fall into their embrace. "What's wrong? Raphael, please talk to me, what's wrong? Did you get hit? Raphael! Raphael!"

And it goes on and on, and in Simon's arms, Raphael feels so safe, so secure that he lets his eyelids drop. He does that only to realize his eyes are already closed, drooping down sometimes ago without him even acknowledging it.

Simon's constant stream of questions becomes smaller and smaller, and a thick fog that comes from nowhere takes over Raphael's mind. He can't hear anything but the sound of silence, a peaceful, placid sound that is like a lullaby.

 _"I'm sorry, Keeper,"_ a voice speaks from the back corner of his mind, where the fog hasn't quite reached yet. _"I'm sorry,"_ it repeats, somber.

 _It's okay,_ he thinks back to it, _it's okay, Arkstar, it's going to be okay._

He then hears a noise that sounds like a sob, and the squid says, _"Thanks for being my friends. Goodbye, Raphael."_

And then comes that peaceful silence, taking over what left of his mind, and in that moment, Raphael feels like he's flying, like he's floating in the water, in the embrace of the Moon herself. With one last drop of consciousness, Raphael thinks, _This is what it feels like to finally die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hate me or love me at [my tumblr](https://mattmurrock.tumblr.com/ask)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter and we're done, kids!

Simon knows that he looks like shit. His sister tells him so - in those exact words, and his mother also says as much - in much kinder words, bless her - when he walks into the kitchen the morning _after._ Simon still doesn't have a name for what happened, still can't comprehend it inside his brain, so he'll just leave it at that.

He doesn't remember how he got home last night. After… after what happened things started to blur together in his brain. He does remember crying a lot, he remembers voice calling for his name, asking if he was okay, and then his mind became fuzzy.

He has woken up on his bed, feeling tired like he hasn't left for a thousand years, and it has taken him more than enough time to _just_ get out of bed. Getting ready was harder because he had to look into the mirror and see two hollow eyes on of his reflection staring back, and Simon had to throw up twice before he could go downstairs.

Mom and Becca don't ask him much, they just give him pity looks and let him be. For most parts, he's grateful for it, because in all honesty, he doesn't know what to say to them if they do ask. He has a feeling that if he opens his mouth to speak, to say anything at all, the only thing coming out will be a choked sob which will soon turn into a full-on cry fest.

At school, he avoids his friends - can he even call them that anymore. Izzy finds him behind the bleachers at lunch, and all he can give her is a cold, hard stare. She soon gives up, muttering something about giving him space, and leaves. He doesn't try and get her to stay.

Day two is worse because, first, to get to day two, Simon must get through night one.

It's hard enough that every time he so much as blinks, he sees Raphael's lifeless expression behind his eyelids like someone has taken a knife and carved it there, to leave it there for now and all eternity. And they're very good at their job too, because the image is clear, way too clear.

So imagine him lying on his bed, on his back and staring up the ceiling like it's the only thing he can see; the darkness looms over him like a ghost, and once again, he's drown in thoughts. Bad, bad thoughts.

The memory becomes clearer the more he thinks about it, and he just can't help thinking about it because it's right there, right at the front of his brain, demanding for his attention like a two-year-old demanding to be fed. And he doesn't just remember the images, the way it has happened, he also remembers the feeling of it, the feeling of Raphael in his arms for one second and then the next, he was gone.

Simon has showered that morning, then he got out of the shower, looking at himself in the mirror for a second, then puked, and showered again. He showered when he came home from school too, he didn't puke but it was only because he avoided looking directly at the mirror. He stood under the spray of water, under the warm stream - such a great contrast against the cool water of the lake - and he scrubbed himself. He scrubbed his arms and his chest, and he scrubbed everywhere Raphael might have touched him. He scrubbed until his skin is red, until it's starting to hurt, and he keeps scrubbing. It didn't get the feeling off his skin. He has a suspicion that it's wormed its way under his skin somehow and decided it would never leave.

As the night wears on, Simon stays like that, doesn't dare to close his eyes because he fears he might dream if he does end up falling asleep. Simon stays like that, only blinks when he really has to, but the memory still doesn't leave him alone. The images chase after him like he's a criminal on the run, purposeful and merciless.

He remembers everything now. He remembers running away from his friends and towards Raphael, who was walking like he's dragging a hundred tons of weight behind him. He remembers the boy falling into his arms, eyes drooped and exhausted. He remembers screaming a lot, asking questions, too many questions, but Raphael wasn't answering. Instead, the boy's eyes just drooped down, down and down, and then they were closed, and he looked so goddamn peaceful. He looked like he was letting go of whatever holding him back, of that weight he was dragging. _Of life,_ Simon's mind doesn't miss the chance to remind him.

His mind also reminds him of the way Raphael… he doesn't even know what to call it, he's still very much stunned by it. Raphael's body has slowly dissolved into tiny little glowing dots, like fireflies in the dark, Moonless night, and very gently, like a flutter of a butterfly's wings, they float up to the night sky. He remembers the way his eyes has followed the first dot of light, followed it up, and his gaze slowly shifted to the stream of shining dots that came after it. This dot came after that dot, and before Simon has even realized it, the weight in his arms was no more, and he looked down only to see Raphael slowly fading away.

Simon definitely cannot forget how hollow he's felt in that moment, as he tries to grasp for whatever parts of Raphael that was still there, but his hands had moved through the boy's body. It was like Raphael was a ghost, like he was never there to begin with.

He was no longer screaming at that point, he had soon realized it was pointless, and the woods were so silent, almost treacherous. He remembers not feeling the wind on his skin anymore, he remembers the way the tree leaves stopped rumbling, and the water stopped reverberating with Arkstar's howling since that had also stopped some time ago too.

There were also little glowing dots coming out of the water, and the stream of it was so much bigger, which Simon suspected must come from Arkstar. Simon looked after them, following Raphael's dots up to the sky, and he allowed the emptiness in his arms to sink in and take hold of his heart.

The Moon had appeared, then, slowly and morosely, and Simon remembers feeling a burning hatred in his chest, in his blood and in his mind. He remembers the boiling of it through his veins, he can almost feel it now that the memory has returned. Almost, is the key word here because right now, he mostly just feels numb.

He shifts his head just slightly so he can cast a glance out the window. From his position, he can't see up to the sky, he can't see if the Moon is there right now, like nothing had happened to her children, like she should have been last night. But all he can see now is the tree outside his window, leaves flowing with the wind, sending out muffled rumbles that catch Simon's ears through the closed window. He stares at it for a minute, then blink once, twice, and without a warning, morning comes.

On day two, he opens his eyes to an empty house, his mother and sister have both left the moment he comes downstairs. He only finds a dish of his breakfast with a note beside it in his mother's handwriting. "I made your favorite, hope you're alright :)" it says, signing off with Mom at the end.

The little note brings a tender smile to his face that Simon doesn't try to swash away. Simon eats half of the breakfast. He tries to eat more but each and every bite has already felt like dirt in his mouth, so in the end, he just wraps up the rest and puts it in the fridge.

He walks to school and arrives fifteen minutes late. The school hallway is empty and silent as the woods have been, and a jolt of pain burns through Simon's shoulders and down to his empty, empty heart. His teacher doesn't say anything, doesn't reprimand him for being late. Instead, she takes one look of the dark circles under Simon's eyes, the slump of his shoulders, the unkemptness of his clothes, and she gives him one pity look before telling him to take his seat.

Jace is there too, sitting at the third row, right beside an empty seat that's meant for Simon, and really, if there had been another place to sit, even a place hovering a burning fire, Simon would've chose that instead. But he can't, and the teacher is already getting back to her lecture, so Simon just takes the seat, keeping his face hard and unapproached.

Jace doesn't say a word, and Simon doesn't attempt to break the silence.

The lecture goes on, and Simon allows it to drown out his thoughts, to let him go with the mundane flow of it, and soon, the bell rings. He isn't the first to get out of his seat, no matter how much he wants to be. His body is exhausted from the lack of sleep, drained from the little food he's eaten, so he gets up slowly, putting his stuff back into his backpack.

He feels a tap on his shoulder. "Do you need help?" asks Jace, sincere and a bit pleading, and Simon knows the blond is only trying to be nice, but Simon really cannot face him right now. So he just puts his stuff in his backpack, one by one, deliberately, and left, without a single word. He doesn't hear Jace follow him, and he counts that as a blessing.

Simon doesn't have that much luck when lunchtime starts. He still hides behind the bleachers with all the 'bad kids' - whom he's now learned all the name of, and they're pretty cool people, nodding at him in acknowledgment when he comes, and they leave him alone for the whole he's been there.

He sits on one of the makeshift bench the bad kids have created from wooden planks. Simon doesn't ask where they get the planks, and they make no attempt to start a conversation with him.

Simon puts the milk box, which he's gotten from the canteen before making a beeline out here, besides him on the bench. He doesn't even why he's bought it, he knows full well he isn't going to drink it - his stomach still wants to start a riot, churning and twisting.

"Hey, can I have that?" Charlie, one of the bad kids, asks, causing Simon to look up from the ground to face the boy. Whatever Charlie sees on his face must be really bad, because the boy drops his playful smile and inclines his head. "Shit, dude, forget I asked. You look like you need it more than I do."

"It's okay," Simon says, and it's so strange hearing his own voice after what feels like centuries of staying silent. "You can have it if you want. I'm not going to drink it." He picks up the box and offers it to the other boy. His movement is mechanical, like a robot programmed just for this, and Charlie tentatively takes the milk box from his hand.

"Are you okay, dude?" the boy asks, and Simon can hear the sincere concern in his voice.

Simon thinks about trying on a smile, but he knows it'll end up looking fake. "I'm fine," he says, and since when did his voice become so monotone and emotionless?

"Are you really?" Charlie isn't the one asking this time. Simon turns to his right, and instead of Izzy, or Clary, or even Jace, he sees Alec standing there, tall and solemn as always.

Something is different about the boy, though, Simon can tell. So he decides to look a bit closer, and there are circles under Alec's eyes, even darker than Simon's. Alec's lips are pressed into a thin, thin line, and in his eyes, his sky-blue eyes, Simon can see the guilt, the weight Alec holds on his shoulders, and for a minute, Simon feels bad for the boy.

The minute soon passes, and all Simon is left with is anger. He shifts his eyes away from Alec, back to the ground, before his mouth gets the better of him and he starts saying cruel, harsh words to the other boy.

Simon hears scuffle from where Charlie was standing, and he looks up to see him and his friends are leaving, the milk box was left behind on the end of the bench for Simon.

"May I sit?" asks Alec, when the bad kids are long gone, and the silence is strangling the both of them. Simon doesn't say anything.

Alec takes this as an agreement, it seems, because the boy takes a seat next to Simon on the makeshift bench. It's a long while before he speaks again, letting the silence deafen them to the point of unbearable. It's then that Alec opens his mouth again.

"How are you feeling?" he questions, but he says it in a way that conveys he expects no answer from Simon. Simon gives him as much. "Are you mad at me?" No answer. "You should. After all, I held a big part in -" _swallows_ "- in killing someone you cared about."

"I didn't just care about him," Simon grits through his teeth, hating how small and broken his voice sounds. He feels Alec's eyes on him, feeling it bore a hole into the side of his face, but still, Simon keeps his gaze on the ground.

"Were you -" Alec pauses, staring at Simon. "Were you in love with him?"

Simon takes a minute to think, and Alec doesn't try to interrupt him. Simon thinks and yes, he was in love. He was in love and the realization makes the pain so much worse. He realizes that now there is a big Raphael-shaped inside his empty heart that can never be filled again.

Simon stays silent, doesn't allow the tears to fall despite the bite of it at his eyes.

"You were, weren't you?" Alec speaks up again, and his voice is somber and pensive, like he himself is also deep in thoughts. "I am so, _so_ sorry, Simon."

That, somehow, is the breaking point. Simon feels his blood boil, hot and burning as it runs through his veins, and he's breathing hard. He clenches his hands into fists, standing up and looking through the space between the bleaches, and out into the distant for just a moment, a very short moment. Then, he turns back and faces Alec, who is looking at him with wide, startled eyes.

"You're _sorry?"_ Simon barks, and the color drains from Alec's face. Under the shadow of the bleachers above them, Alec looks so pale, he seems thinner, as if in addition to not getting any sleep, the boy hasn't eaten anything either. _Join the club then,_ Simon muses, doesn't allow himself to feel bad for the boy.

"I - Simon - I -"

"You what?" Simon quips, harsh and bitter, and Alec closes his mouth shut. "You're _sorry,_ right? That's all you can say? You wanted to know if I was mad at you, right? Well, here's the answer: I fucking am. I'm furious, I'm enraged because you - you _killed_ him." Simon feels tears pouring down his cheek, damming his skin but he doesn't care. He lets it all out. "You were my _friend._ I _trusted_ you. I brought you there to meet him and yet, you -" The sob takes him by force and he can no longer speak. His throat is clenched up, preventing any word to come out, and he feels himself falling down, but he's caught in someone's arms.

He's caught in Alec's arms, he realizes, but he's too tired, drained and numb, so he doesn't fight it. He lets the taller boy holds onto him, and he lets himself cry into Alec's shoulder, and in turns, he feels Alec shudder before a choked noise escape his lips. Simon realizes how much the boy has beaten himself up over this, and Simon is only adding oil to the already burning bright flame.

"It hurts," Simon says, choked and broken. "It hurts so fucking bad."

Alec hushes him. "I know," he says, "I know. I'm sorry, Simon. I can't bring him back for you, and I would if I could. But I can't, and I am so, _so_ sorry."

That only makes Simon cry harder, and Simon hates that Alec doesn't cry. But then he remembers Mrs. Lightwood. He remembers the huntress with the wicked upturn of her lips, the glint of evil in her eyes, and he realizes how hard Alec must have had it.

He holds onto the boy just as hard as Alec holds onto him, not for himself but because he suspects Alec might need it more than he does.

Simon doesn't know how long they stand there, but he hears the bell rings faintly from the school, but neither of them make any move to leave. Simon's tears has turned into small, uneven sobs, and soon enough, Simon detaches himself from the other boy.

They are seated again, on the makeshift bench with the milk box placed at the far end, and their eyes are at the far distant on the other side of the bleachers, deep in thoughts.

"I didn't know it would turn out like that," Alec says, his voice carefully calm and neutral. Simon shifts his eyes over so that he can observe the boy, and the anger leaves him. Despite the cool tone of his voice, the solemn aura surrounding him, Alec's eyes look so sad, so crushed. Simon turns his gaze back to the distant.

"Okay," Simon replies, because he knows of nothing else to say. Alec had looked surprised, hell, all of them did, even Mrs. Lightwood. No one was really planning for Raphael's death.

"The squid -" Alec pauses, swallowing. "Arkstar, I mean. It was going to kill my mother. It was reaching out for her and I couldn't just stand by and let it kill her. She was… not nice, I know that, but in the end, she is still my mother. I couldn't just let her die."

"Hm," Simon says, thoughtful.

"I panicked when I saw Arkstar reaching for her. It was a split second decision and I had a clear shot. I never expected what happened next. I know you probably don't believe it, but I was planning on keeping my promise. I never wanted to hurt Raphael, I promised you that." Alec takes a breath in, a breath out. "We spent so much time on thinking about how to kill the giant squid, we never really paid any attention to the Keeper."

"Hm," Simon says again. He looks over at Raphael then, seeing the glistening of his eyes, like fresh tears, but the boy is holding them back. Simon wants to tell the boy to let it out, but sometimes, it's just better to let someone pretend that they're strong, just so they can be strong. "I'm not mad at you," Simon says, final.

Alec looks at him then, started. "No, Simon, you should be. I -"

"No," Simon insists, staring straight into Alec's dam eyes. "I know I said that I was, but… not anymore, at least. I'm not mad at you anymore. You did what you had to do. Being angry does nothing good for me, and I just want to move on. To move away from all this pain and hurt and -" Simon pauses, steadying down his breathing. "I forgive you, Alec. Of whatever fault you think you must bear, I forgive you. You deserve to move on too."

Alec does cry then, one single drop of tear falls from his left eyes, and he wipes it away with his hand. "Thank you, Simon," he sniffles.

Simon smiles at him, and it doesn't feel fake at all. "I still need time, though," he says, "I'm not mad at you, any of you, but I need time. And some space for myself. To think, to work my way through this. I'll be okay, I promise."

Alec nods, sending a smile at him before standing up. "I'll tell the group," he replies. "But if you ever need anything, anything that we can help with, don't hesitate to ask."

"Okay," Simon says, and his voice isn't small and broken anymore, and he feels more like himself.

Alec looks around for a second. "I'm so late for class now, we both are."

Simon only now realizes this. "Yeah," he says, an embarrassed chuckle escapes him. "Guess I'll be sitting here for the rest of the period, Mrs. Ward will never let me in her class if I'm late."

"Oh," Alec says, "guess I'll be leaving them."

"Or you can stay," Simon suggests. "I know I said I needed space, but… maybe after this, yeah?" Alec observes him for a moment before nodding, taking his seat back on the wooden bench.

They stay silence for the rest of the period, with only one moment of conversation where Alec told him to drink his milk. Simon doesn't object, and getting the milk down his throat didn't seem so hard anymore. They part way when the bell finally rings.

Alec sends him one last encouraging smile, which Simon returns with as much energy, and leaves. The rest of his friends don't bother him for the rest of the day.

Night time comes quickly and with it, brings Simon's sorrow.

The Moon is shining bright on the dark canvas of the sky, not fully out but enough to cast light over the ground, threatening to outshined the streetlights. Simon is forced to remember the way Raphael had looked under his mother's light, the way his skin glistened, drops of water on his skin catching the light beautifully. Simon can't really feel hatred for the Moon when he's thinking about Raphael like that.

So he doesn't. He lets thoughts of Raphael swarm his head, taking over his mind, and he feels serene, he feels at ease, and he allows the lull of it to carry him into slumber.

Day three comes in a daze, followed by a text from Magnus, asking if Simon's alright. Simon vaguely remembers a white owl perching on a tree as his friends escorted him away from the lake. The memory comes with a fog enveloping it, blurry and thick, but he does remember seeing wide, round eyes staring down at him, solemn and morose as the owl watched him leave.

Simon shoots back a generic answer for Magnus. _i'm alright, no need to worry._

Magnus doesn't say anything back right away. It takes him half an hour to reply, while Simon is still lying in bed because there's no school today, and his phone pings with a text. _I'm really sorry, Simon. I should have been there._

Simon stares at it for close to a minute before typing out an answer. Then he erases it, and type out a new one. He erases that one too, and in the end, he's left with, _i don't blame you. it's okay._

Magnus doesn't say anything else for the rest of the day.

Simon scrolls through his phone lazily, looking at old pictures with his friends and family, and his heart burns with the memories that those pictures hold. A part of him is in despair that he hadn't thought of taking a picture with Raphael, but another part of him is glad that there's no pictures of the boy for him to look at. He doesn't know if he can bear looking at Raphael's face knowing that he's - that he's no longer there, at the lake, waiting for Simon.

Day three is the breaking point for his family because somewhere around noon, his sister bursts into his room, hands on her hips and a determined expression on her face.

"Okay, what is it?" she demands, and Simon looks at her in confusion, brows narrowed together, while he lounges on the bed. Becca only rolls her eyes. "What is wrong with you, huh? Did something happened? You've been moping for the last few days and it's really messing up my vibe." The sincere concern is in her voice, Simon can hear it.

"Nothing is wrong," he says, trying to keep his tone even.

"Bullshit," Becca exclaims, "You're on your bed on a Saturday. Your hair is a mess, your room is a mess - or more of a mess than usual. You barely ate, barely left your room when you came home from school. And don't fucking think I didn't notice you crying in the bathroom this morning."

At this, Simon breaks down. He becomes a bawling mess, and Becca is at his side in record time, pulling him into her arms, murmuring reassurance into his hair as she holds him. Simon cries into her shoulder like he had with Alec, and like Alec, Becca doesn't rush him, she only rubs her hands in soothing circles on his back, and Simon keeps crying.

"He's gone, Becca," Simon says through his tears, hugging his sister tight. "He's gone."

"Gone? What do you mean? Who are you talking about?"

"Raphael, he's -" Simon sobs, "he's gone."

It takes Becca a moment to reply. "Raphael, is that the boy you met at the lake?" Simon nods, his face still in Becca's shoulder. "Oh, baby bro, I am so sorry. But what do you mean by 'gone'? Did he move away?"

Simon whimpers, a choked sound that buries itself in the crook of Becca's neck. Becca's hands don't stop in their movements, keeping on rubbing circles into his back. "I don't know," he says, small and broken. "He's just - he's gone. Disappeared. I don't know where he went." It's not a lie, but not the entire truth either, but it seems good enough for Becca.

"It's okay, Simon," she soothes, "it's okay."

Becca sits with him on the bed until night falls, telling him over and over that it's okay, it's going to be okay, baby bro, just cry, let it out, you'll feel better again. And Simon listens, he cries and he cries, and by the time there's no tears left for him to cry, he and Becca stays in the silence, listening to the wind outside, to the quiet breathing of each other. Simon pulls himself away from his sister, using the sleeve of his shirt to wipe away the wetness on his cheek before looking at Becca.

"Thank you, sis," he says, voice hoarse and still so broken.

Becca gives him a sad look, so so sad that Simon's heart wants to break all over again, before smiling. "You're welcome, baby bro. I'm sorry I can't be more of help."

Simon shakes his head. "You're helping more than you think. I just… I need time, a lot of time, to be alright again. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is." Becca smiles brilliantly. "Take all the time you need. Just promise me that you _will_ get better. There are plenty of fishes in the sea and all."

Simon laughs, a cheerful sound that he was afraid he'd never make again. "I promise," he says, smiling.

Becca ruffles his hair before standing up. "I'll bring you dinner later. Try and eat some, not all, but some, okay?" Simon nods, and with one last, unreadable look at him, Becca walks out the room, closing the door behind her.

Simon stays in his position, shifting a bit so he can rest his back against the headboard and stares out the window. He didn't close the window today so the wind is flowing in, soft and gentle like a feather, and Simon thinks.

He wants to go to the lake again. There is still some bit of hope in him that maybe, just maybe, everything that happened on that night was just a dream. A horrible dream. A nightmare. He has hope that maybe if he came to the lake again, Raphael would be there waiting for him, sitting on the pier with his feet in the water and staring placidly up to the Moon. That maybe Raphael wouldn't be gone.

But he knows that isn't the truth, and he knows he can't go back to the lake, even just to remember, to drown himself in memories of dark curls of hair, along with pale, pale skin, and gentle kisses. He knows that Clary is watching him from across the street, and she'll stop him the moment he makes a move to climb down the window.

So he stays in his room, and Becca comes in some time later like she said, bringing him a slice of pizza. He manages to eat one third of it, the rest he leaves on his bedside table.

Simon makes himself get out of bed, just to give his body something to do, and takes the dish downstairs. Becca is sitting in the living room with their mother. The two of them sit side by side on the couch, debating the TV show they're watching. Simon stands at the doorway and looks at them, and his heart doesn't feel so empty anymore.

His mother noticed him first. She sends him a smile, and he smiles back at her, letting her know without saying anything that he's okay, that he will be. Becca turns her head around to meet him, and she asks if he wants to stay and watches the show with them. He does want to, but he fears that his gloomy mood will only ruin it for them, so he just shakes his head.

He tells them to enjoy the show, and they nods, sharing a sad look with each other that Simon doesn't stay long enough to notice. He escapes into the kitchen, placing the dish holding his half-eaten pizza down the counter.

Simon runs back upstairs because the urge to cry is catching up to him even though he's thought he had no tears left to cry. He stands in front of the door of his room, taking a breath in, a breath out, and he turns the knob.

He doesn't scream, doesn't react as startled as he should have, when he sees a glowing being floating at his window. He knows without a second guess that this must be the Moon.

Simon closes the door behind him, and leans his whole weight against it.

The Moon is as gorgeous and magnificent as Raphael had described her to be. Her long hair flows like she's drifting in water, and her feet never touch the floor beneath her. On her face is a kind smile, radiating a warmth that makes Simon's whole body feel so relaxed.

"Hello," he says to the Moon, barely a whisper.

 _"Hello, my dear,"_ she replies, her voice elegant. _"Do you know who I am?"_

"You're the Moon." Simon doesn't feel that hatred which should be rearing its head anywhere in his body, in his mind and in his blood. The Moon's smile turns solemn.

 _"My dear, I am so sorry,"_ she says, _"I know you must have heard it so many times now, but I truly am sorry."_

Simon says nothing. The Moon makes a sound that's like a sigh. She floats a little closer to him, offering out her hand. Simon stares at her for a second, sees the desperate look on her beautiful face, and he takes her hand. The Moon leads him to his bed and sits them both down, face to face.

She sighs again. _"The Sun tricked me away. I knew something wasn't right the moment he said the other Gods wanted to see me. I was naive enough to believe in his words, even after so many years, and I blame myself greatly for it. You can blame me too, if you want. After all, my lack of present was one of the main reasons for my children's… departures."_

Simon still says nothing, and the Moon looks back at him. The hatred in the pit of his stomach is starting a riot, screaming loudly over the calmness of the Moon's present, and Simon doesn't try and hold it back. "Is he really gone?" he asks, hoping that the answer isn't what he's expecting, despite how useless it is.

The Moon's eyes look so sad. _"Yes, my dear."_

"Why? He didn't get hit. Why did he -" Simon bites the inside of his cheek, to stop himself from crying. "What _happened?"_

The Moon shifts to look out the window, her eyes look like they're holding back a ferocious storm of emotions. _"My dear, Raphael died ten years ago, and that has always been his fate,"_ she starts, morose and solemn. _"I only brought him back so he could watch over my son, but since Arkstar is no more, Raphael must share the same fate. He no longer had any purpose on this Earth, nothing to hold him back."_

And God, Simon feels so fucking angry. He's angry at the Moon's calmness, and the serenity of her present, and he just hates that he can never be at peace just like this, whenever he'd think about Raphael. "Can you bring him back?" he chooses to say, instead of all the hateful words residing at the front of his brain.

The Moon looks at him then, and she doesn't turn away for a full minute. Her lips don't fold themselves into a smile anymore, like she knows Simon will see right through, so she just gazes at him, melancholy and helplessly. _"No, darling, I cannot. I am so sorry."_

She reaches out for him for him again, to try and comfort him, but this time, Simon turns away. "Leave," he bites, and he can feel the deity flinch. She retracts her hand, and stands.

She stops herself at the window, eyes casting over the small view outside, and says, _"The feeling between you and Raphael, my dear, is the purest thing I've ever seen. It shouldn't have ended like that."_

Simon turns and looks at her, but she's already fading away. If you ask him on a later date, Simon won't try to lie and say that he didn't cry himself to sleep that night.

***

Day comes and leaves, night falls and rises, and Simon is getting better. His heart learns to stop hurting at the random thoughts of Raphael, replacing the twist and burn with a slight jolt. It's not much, but it's still progress, his sister says.

Weeks pass, and he's talking to his friends again. There's always a seat at their lunch table for him, and their smiles were bright and exciting as he sat down besides them on a lovely Thursday.

Exams come and leave in the same breath, and with a blink, Simon's graduating.

Summer arrives and departs in a haze. Simon decides to move away from home, despite his mother's adamant insistence that he should stay. He only shakes his head, saying "Any bird must live its nest in the end, Mom," and picks up the last of his boxes. Becca ruffles his hair, giving him a half-hug before shooing him away. Although she's teasing him, he knows she'll miss him a lot, just as he'll miss her.

Simon gets into Clary's car, smiling at her and letting her chirpy voice fill up the empty space between them. He takes a look into the rear mirror to find that his family is still standing on the sidewalk, his mother in tears and his sister's smile is proud, and Simon feels happiness swell in his chest.

Clary and him were able to find an apartment near their college campus. In actuality, Magnus was the one who found it, and Simon suspects the man might have used some dark Protector magic to make the rent that low.

He dates, now and again, but it all ends the same way. "You don't pay enough attention to me," Maia - who works at a bar that Simon and his friends have come to recognize as their sanctuary after a long day at school or work - said when she broke up with him. They still stay friends, though, so Simon thinks it ended as well as one can hope. "You're always distracted about something," another has said, someone who didn't stay long enough to make a place in Simon's mind.

There are many after them, and after each and every breakup, Simon would always feel a bit more masochistic than usual, and he'd pull up articles about Raphael's death. He'd click in the link directed to one of Raphael's performances. He'd stare at the screen and pay no attention to the blurry, grainy image, and just listen. He's listened to that one song so many times now, but depend on how masochistic he was feeling, he'd listen to Raphael playing it, or some other artist.

He's had that song engraved into his brain, sometimes he'd hum it under his breath and Clary would ask, but he'd only give her a sorrowful smile, and she wouldn't press.

Life is good again, and some day in the future, Simon knows that his heart can finally be whole.

On a quiet Saturday evening, as the Moon is high over head, casting the Earth realm with her pale light, Simon decides to go out for grocery. Or to be more accurate, Simon decides he's had enough of Clary's complain about the lack of food in their fridge, and escapes the apartment before her complain turns (more) murderous.

Simon browses the fruit stand, grimacing at how many kinds of fruit there are before looking back down at the shopping list Clary's made for him. 'Fruit', there it says at the third row, belows 'chips and snack' because Clary knows her priority.

It's then that he hears it, like a whisper in a tornado, light and soft and gentle, as he holds a bag of chips under his arm. It's the song he's heard so many time from a certain grainy video, and someone is humming it like it's the most beautiful thing.

Simon takes his eyes away from the fruit display, and it doesn't take him long to find that person. His eyes grow wide as he thinks to himself that yes, his heart will finally be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter is done, i'll probably post it in two or three days. Is that good or should I wait a week?
> 
> don't forget you can rant to me on [tumblr](https://mattmurrock.tumblr.com/ask)


	21. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is it, kids, this is the end. One thing you should know, this story was always supposed to end with Raphael being dead, that's it. Fin. But I love you guys a lot, and man, after one year, people are still tuning in to read this disaster of a story, so here it is. This is, in my opinion, a pretty good ending. Hope you all will like it :D

_ "You and I, we had a pact." _

_ "I know." _

_ "And you broke it." _

_ "I did no such thing." _

_ "No, you didn't, but your children did." _

_ "So what?" _

_ "You owe me." _

_ "I owe you nothing." _

_ "Oh, would you like me to tell the others how you tricked me away? How you deceived me to complete your outrageous goal?" _

_ "..." _

_ "You  _ **_owe_ ** _ me." _

_ "Fine, then. What would you like as payment, my lady?" _

_ "I want… a life…" _

***

_ One second, two seconds, three seconds… _

The lights are shining bright to the point of smoldering as he opens his eyes. He closes them again, and to his left, he can hear voices speaking, saying many things, asking numerous of questions, and his head hurts. All he can hear is static, and soon enough, darkness is all that he knows.

 

_ One day, two days… _

He finds out after too many times of waking and falling asleep again that he's in a hospital. A car accident, they say, and he's the only survivor. His family, his mom and dad, didn't make it. He forces his brain to think, to envision the image of their faces, but all he gets in return is a throbbing headache. For some reason, he can't find it in himself to feel bad about not remembering his family.

The doctors say he shouldn't worry too much about it. Retrograde amnesia, they call it, caused by the head trauma he's received in the accident. They also say that his old memories, the ones with his family and friends, may never come back.

He accepts the name they give to him, as they say that it is his. A flash of motion passes over his mind, a gentle voice calling the name that is his, but it's gone too quickly for him to make sense of.

The doctors and nurses leave eventually, and he allows his eyes to close. Sleep soon takes hold of him, like a mother caressing her baby, gentle and soothing.

 

_ Three days, four days… _

He dreams. 

He's in a body of water, the chilling of it seeping into his bones, but he doesn't feel cold.

There's someone else there too, a dark haired boy. The boy's smile is bright as his eyes glisten under the moonlight, beautiful, magnificent. The boy's lips are moving, but he can't hear any sound coming out. He doesn't need any sound, though, just seeing the boy's lovely smile is enough to make him happy.

But why is he happy?

He wakes up.

 

_ Five days, six days… _

He dreams again.

There is sound this time, as the boy sits next to him on a short pier, legs swinging gently under the water. The boy's soothing voice fills up his mind with tender and loving words.

He wakes up smiling.

 

_ One week, two weeks… _

His uncle and aunt comes to pick him up as the doctors sign off his release.

In the car, they vehemently apologize for not being able to come and visit him sooner. Their smiles are big on their faces as they drive him to their house. They take care of him, answer every question that he has, but he feels nothing for them. The corner of his lips quirk up almost instinctively as they tell him about his parents.

His memories still don't come back.

 

_ Three weeks… _

His headache only becomes more powerful overtime, it seems. It comes to him whenever he sits too long in the sun, like a sudden tornado roaming over his mind and tearing down every foundation he's built.

The doctors give him some medication to help with it.

He doesn't dream anymore.

 

_ One month... _

School is strange because he can remember learning some of those things, but he can't remember when he's learned them. People are coming up to him and asking if he's alright, some even introduce themselves as his friends.

He remembers none of them.

He can't help but missing the boy in his dream. He wonders where he's met the boy before.

His sleep is no longer restless, but there's still no dream.

 

_ Two months, three months... _

Graduation comes, and his uncle and aunt are ecstatic to find out he's one of the best in his class.

The principal asks him to speak at the graduation. He accepts the honor, writes out a speech, and talks in front of faces he's come to know, to be friends with, and he feels happy.

 

_ Four months, five months, six months... _

His aunt wipes her tears as she watches him carry the last of his boxes to his uncle's car. 

Before he gets into the car, his aunt pulls him into a tight hug, almost knocking the breath out of him, and she murmurs into his ear, "Oh, my dear, I am so proud of you." His breath catches in his throat for a moment because the way she says  _ 'my dear' _ sounds so familiar, but he cannot point out why.

He puts the thought aside as he greets his dorm roommate. 

  
  


_ One week... _

"You're like a vampire, man," his roommate says, lounging on his bed with a comic book. "I never see you go out at day."

"I go to class in the morning all the time," he replies casually, taking a sip of his drink, which just happened to look a lot like blood.

"Do you really?" his roommate challenges, grimacing at him. He only quirks an eyebrow at the guy.

"Yes, you saw me go yesterday, you nimrod. I just tend to avoid the sun. The light of it is too bright, and it makes my headache come back." He sighs, putting down his pen, no longer has any aspiration to do his homework. "Sometimes, I think the sun hates me. If I so much as gaze at it for a second too long, my eyes would feel like they're burning and my head would throb like someone is taking a baseball bat at it."

His roommate hums thoughtfully, and they don't talk for the rest of the night.

 

_ One quiet Saturday evening... _

He's out to get grocery because his roommate is a lazy ass who's willing to pay for food, but not to get them.

The grocery store is a nice place. The lights aren't too bright for his sensitive eyes, and the music isn't loud enough to force his brain to throb along with its rhythm. He likes this place. 

He hums his favorite piece of classical music under his breath as he browses through the fruit stand. He picks up what he needs, still humming as he imagines himself on the piano, his fingers brushing over the keys and beautiful sound coming out.

Caught in his daze, he bumps into someone, and the apology is out of the boy's mouth before he even has the chance to react. The boy's sweet voice sounds so familiar, but he can't remember where he's heard it. 

The boy stands up straight after picking up his bag of chips, and that face, that is the face he's seen so many times in his dream, the face he's been missing without noticing.

The boy's eyes are like a sea of melted chocolate that he wants to drown in forever. They shine under the flourescent light of the store, almost sparkling. Those gorgeous eyes only widen as the boy stares at him. 

He then remembers his manners. Licking his lower lip in a nervous motion, he says, "Sorry. I was a bit distracted, didn't mean to bump into you."

"It's, uh, it's okay," the boy says, eyes still caught on him.

"I'm Raphael, by the way," he says into the ensuing silence, offering a hand.

A smile appears on the boy's face, as bright as the sun and as beautiful as the moon, and his heart skips a beat. The boy takes his hand. "I'm Simon," the boy introduces.

He can't help the gentle smile catching at his lips. "I know this is a bit weird, but have we ever met before?" he prompts, his skin feeling like electrics where the boy - Simon, a name so fitting and sounding so right in his head - touches him. "I lost most of my memories in an accident and - I just feel like I've known you since forever."

Simon's smile somehow gets even brighter, almost blinding, but the shine of it doesn't call up the headache lurking inside his brain, and he thinks that it's the most wonderful sight ever. "We've never met, but…” Simon says, voice suffused with a fondness that warms over Raphael’s heart. “It’s really nice to meet you now,  _ Raphael.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](https://mattmurrock.tumblr.com)


End file.
